Cannot Stop the *Shrieking* Noise Inside Me
suchAsucker continued...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1
Cannot Stop the *Shrieking* Noise Inside Me
Hello Friends,
It's been awhile since I posted.... I used to be under suchAsucker. Now here I am, suchAsucker1. Ya know, I feel so angry with my XFA (ex-fiance-addict). Watching from afar, yet still proud of his accomplishments. Sobriety, prison-free, job, etc. I just wanted him to have a normal life. He was FREE AND CLEAR & SOBER. And yet, this week, I discover that he messed up again with a felony larceny charge, and that the courts in NC are going to try him as an Habitualized Criminal that may put him in prison for Life. I guess that I had some fantasy that he would somehow/someway see the light and make Good for himself. I just sit here in shock, talking to him out loud, "What a Stupid Man you are!!". He could have lived the rest of his life a free man. He actually had the nerve to have his bounty hunter call ME, *ME*, of all people, from the van "in-transport", and say that for $10,000 he would let him go free and forget where he was living. I told the bounty hunter to shove it. I am so angry. There are no NA-ANON meetings in the area that meet after 5pm (only noon) and I wish I could get my head around this with an in-person meeting. His Stupidity is my Torment. I had hoped that this man, once my Love, and now distant friend, could have been a Better Man. All I can hear is the shrieking inside my head. "You Stupid Man, You Stupid Man". I guess I am seeking some comfort. I know that Wisom, Temperance, and Humility will come later. It just really sucks to know that I am helpless: I surrend to God(HP) all the hope, fear, and anger I have inside of me and pray for some Serenity within this understanding. I pity him. I feel sorrow for his choices. There is nothing I can nor want to do to save him. I don't even want to contact him or lessen his suffering. I just watch, as a loving bystander, to his pitiful choices. I feel so sad for him. That is all. Thank you for reading.
It's been awhile since I posted.... I used to be under suchAsucker. Now here I am, suchAsucker1. Ya know, I feel so angry with my XFA (ex-fiance-addict). Watching from afar, yet still proud of his accomplishments. Sobriety, prison-free, job, etc. I just wanted him to have a normal life. He was FREE AND CLEAR & SOBER. And yet, this week, I discover that he messed up again with a felony larceny charge, and that the courts in NC are going to try him as an Habitualized Criminal that may put him in prison for Life. I guess that I had some fantasy that he would somehow/someway see the light and make Good for himself. I just sit here in shock, talking to him out loud, "What a Stupid Man you are!!". He could have lived the rest of his life a free man. He actually had the nerve to have his bounty hunter call ME, *ME*, of all people, from the van "in-transport", and say that for $10,000 he would let him go free and forget where he was living. I told the bounty hunter to shove it. I am so angry. There are no NA-ANON meetings in the area that meet after 5pm (only noon) and I wish I could get my head around this with an in-person meeting. His Stupidity is my Torment. I had hoped that this man, once my Love, and now distant friend, could have been a Better Man. All I can hear is the shrieking inside my head. "You Stupid Man, You Stupid Man". I guess I am seeking some comfort. I know that Wisom, Temperance, and Humility will come later. It just really sucks to know that I am helpless: I surrend to God(HP) all the hope, fear, and anger I have inside of me and pray for some Serenity within this understanding. I pity him. I feel sorrow for his choices. There is nothing I can nor want to do to save him. I don't even want to contact him or lessen his suffering. I just watch, as a loving bystander, to his pitiful choices. I feel so sad for him. That is all. Thank you for reading.
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