i drank
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Ryan, you're not hopeless. You can do this, just start again.
I think you should be easy on yourself for your relapse... but I also think it might help you to go back and read some of your posts over the last few days. The advantage you have right now is you wrote down nearly every thought leading up to your relapse. In the light of sobriety, go back and see how your mind/addictive voice led you to here.
Your addictive voice is not smarter than you. I know you can beat it, just don't give up.
I think you should be easy on yourself for your relapse... but I also think it might help you to go back and read some of your posts over the last few days. The advantage you have right now is you wrote down nearly every thought leading up to your relapse. In the light of sobriety, go back and see how your mind/addictive voice led you to here.
Your addictive voice is not smarter than you. I know you can beat it, just don't give up.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Ryan,
You are not hopeless. That is a lie that you are allowing yourself to believe. You don't have to believe that lie, much less live it.
Do not give up.
You are not hopeless. That is a lie that you are allowing yourself to believe. You don't have to believe that lie, much less live it.
Do not give up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
Not hopeless.
If you still have the desire to stop drinking then you are far from hopeless. You have come back here after relapse and that has to be difficult. If you are still here and you are still trying then hopeless is out of the equation. I have hope for you.
If you still have the desire to stop drinking then you are far from hopeless. You have come back here after relapse and that has to be difficult. If you are still here and you are still trying then hopeless is out of the equation. I have hope for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 348
not hopeless Ryan, just a little slip
you drank saturday, dont drink today.
Ive found the chat room to be most helpful when i am feeling like a drink, if theres someone in there, go and vent, we are always happy to listen
AoS
you drank saturday, dont drink today.
Ive found the chat room to be most helpful when i am feeling like a drink, if theres someone in there, go and vent, we are always happy to listen
AoS
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: FL
Posts: 9
Hi Ryan- if you are hopeless than that means I am hopeless and I refuse to believe that. I cannot tell you how many times I have relapsed after promising myself I would stay sober. From your post I gather you do know how awful it feels to relapse- it's as though you are helpless to stop committing this terrible crime against yourself. But you can't give up.
I attended my first AA meeting about a month and a half ago. I forced myself to get help before something terrible happened and left me with a choice. I heard people there speak of DUI's, losing jobs, and losing families: all of the things I didn't want to experience. I relapsed after a week- I thought I could control my drinking. Early Sunday morning my worst fears came true- I was surrounded by police at 3am after I drove my car into the back of a parked trailer. I didn't hurt anyone but myself and for some reason the officer took pity on me and didn't charge me, even though I was 3 sheets to the wind. I'm still in shock- he should have hauled me off to jail. I wish it would not have had to come to that in order to show me just how destructive my drinking has become. I could have lost everything I've worked so hard to gain. I guess you can say I've had the reasons to get sober delivered to me on a platter.
I hate to think after all of that, that I may relapse again, but I will not be hopeless because I will not give up. Gettng sober is hard. If it was easy this forum wouldn't exist. As long as you don't give up on yourself, you will never be hopeless. Please remember that. I hope that you and I both have the strength to stay sober today.
I attended my first AA meeting about a month and a half ago. I forced myself to get help before something terrible happened and left me with a choice. I heard people there speak of DUI's, losing jobs, and losing families: all of the things I didn't want to experience. I relapsed after a week- I thought I could control my drinking. Early Sunday morning my worst fears came true- I was surrounded by police at 3am after I drove my car into the back of a parked trailer. I didn't hurt anyone but myself and for some reason the officer took pity on me and didn't charge me, even though I was 3 sheets to the wind. I'm still in shock- he should have hauled me off to jail. I wish it would not have had to come to that in order to show me just how destructive my drinking has become. I could have lost everything I've worked so hard to gain. I guess you can say I've had the reasons to get sober delivered to me on a platter.
I hate to think after all of that, that I may relapse again, but I will not be hopeless because I will not give up. Gettng sober is hard. If it was easy this forum wouldn't exist. As long as you don't give up on yourself, you will never be hopeless. Please remember that. I hope that you and I both have the strength to stay sober today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Ryan,
Don't ever, ever give up! Try and write down what led to your relapse and the consequences of your drinking. What could you have done differently? Try and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Does distracting yourself work when the cravings strike? Does talking back to the addictive voice help? Does the support forum help? Does thinking it through to the inevitable results help?
It takes great courage to post that you have had relapase. It may be discouraging, but perhaps you can try and view it as a learning experience. It's only a setback, if you don't stop trying.
Don't ever, ever give up! Try and write down what led to your relapse and the consequences of your drinking. What could you have done differently? Try and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Does distracting yourself work when the cravings strike? Does talking back to the addictive voice help? Does the support forum help? Does thinking it through to the inevitable results help?
It takes great courage to post that you have had relapase. It may be discouraging, but perhaps you can try and view it as a learning experience. It's only a setback, if you don't stop trying.
Who Farted?
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 67
Hi Ryan. I had a quick look at your prior posts, and I see that you have a sponsor, go to meetings and are working the steps, but have you had a spiritual awakening? You sound like a real alcoholic, the type the big book describes. I think our stories sound similar. Feel free to read some of my old posts prior to 2011. I was telling people the same thing, that I was working the steps. It was bull. I never really got the 1st step. It took my second sponsor, when I came back to the program finally, to take me through 1 to 3. We got down on our knees and said:
God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Since that day, I have not picked up a drink, and am happy about that fact. I have gone through the rest of the 6 steps, and live in 10, 11 and 12 to my best ability. I needed to SURRENDER to the fact that I am an alcoholic and cannot manage my own life. When I start thinking about jobs, or divorce, or even the weekend, it's very easy to get wrapped up in self again. My advice is to consider if you have truly had a spiritual awakening.
I wish you the best,
Traid.
God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Since that day, I have not picked up a drink, and am happy about that fact. I have gone through the rest of the 6 steps, and live in 10, 11 and 12 to my best ability. I needed to SURRENDER to the fact that I am an alcoholic and cannot manage my own life. When I start thinking about jobs, or divorce, or even the weekend, it's very easy to get wrapped up in self again. My advice is to consider if you have truly had a spiritual awakening.
I wish you the best,
Traid.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Maybe, just maybe, in addition to AA you need to turn yourself into the Salvation Army and make a COMMITMENT to do what they say, get into a 'rules, regulations, and regimented' environment for 90 days or so, and it is FREE.
It's is a good way to start changing OLD WAYS and HABITS of doing things and learn new thinking patterns.
Please go back and read your previous threads. Can you see the progression?
Be careful with your detox and keep 911 on speed dial.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
It's is a good way to start changing OLD WAYS and HABITS of doing things and learn new thinking patterns.
Please go back and read your previous threads. Can you see the progression?
Be careful with your detox and keep 911 on speed dial.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Just get back on the bus, Ryan. You went out, tried it, and here you are. I'm glad you are back. It's nothing that most of us haven't done as well, so, forgive yourself, shake the dust off your feet, and get back on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
I think many of us including myself have been right where you are, sometimes we need this so next time we are at the crossroads we know which direction to take.
Like Tanja said, "Don't ever, ever give up!" No ones hopeless as long as they keep fighting...
Like Tanja said, "Don't ever, ever give up!" No ones hopeless as long as they keep fighting...
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I learned the hard way too, as so many of us do. All seems such a good idea at the time doesn't it? But it keeps wanting to be fed more. Then it gets to the point where it's really not fun/recreational anymore, but you don't know how to deal with withdrawal etc. There's really no reversing that state to being able to drink again without risk/concern.
It took a few attempts for me, take what you can learn from it and don't give up.
It took a few attempts for me, take what you can learn from it and don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
You are not hopeless. You came back and posted here, didn't you? That to me means that you don't want to be drinking. The addiction seems powerful but you have the option at any time to stand up and take control. You do not HAVE to open that bottle even though the urge may seem irresistible. Keep reading and posting here, I get so much strength from it. Please let us know how you are doing :ghug3
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Advice and Thoughts
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Im being very serious here. I know all the stories about play the tape out, you will wind up worse than you were, the whole thing. I am being very serious here what is wrong with one night of drinking. I just still dont see the seriousness of drinking for one night, yes I like to drink,, who doesnt? Im not going to die. I want to have some friends over and watch the world series. Is that seriously that big of a problem??? No, I would rather not hear the AA mantra...please advise.. I cant and will not believe posters here have not done the same, but just have not admitted it,,, I could be wrong
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Im being very serious here. I know all the stories about play the tape out, you will wind up worse than you were, the whole thing. I am being very serious here what is wrong with one night of drinking. I just still dont see the seriousness of drinking for one night, yes I like to drink,, who doesnt? Im not going to die. I want to have some friends over and watch the world series. Is that seriously that big of a problem??? No, I would rather not hear the AA mantra...please advise.. I cant and will not believe posters here have not done the same, but just have not admitted it,,, I could be wrong
I hope now you have your answer.
I hope now you can start again on your sobriety and get more help, more support, more of whatever it was you didn't have before. You CAN be sober but ONLY if drinking is no longer an option. rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
Sorry you fell for it again. It sucks when that happens. Happened to me so many times and then it stopped happening when I gave in to the help that was right in front of my nose.
Glad you are back and safe.
Glad you are back and safe.
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