sissy07

I am about 80 days sober, and have not gone to an AA meeting yet, even though I know I should. I live alone with my four cats and two dogs that I love more than anything. I work all day Monday through Friday, and I feel guilty leaving them alone to do anything outside my home. I take them for a lot of walks and play with them, so I take really good care of them, but as far as doing anything other than being with them, I just don't. I am always tired.

I am letting personal responsibilities slide - I used to be an excellent housekeeper, gardener, and friend and now I have no interest in anything. I was better earlier in my sobriety, but I have really hit the wall. I am taking care of what I have to take care of, but all I want to do is be home, watch tv, lay down and play with my animals. I am on antidepressants, and they have always worked for me. What is wrong with me? Whine, whine, whine. And whining makes me feel like a loser - I have problems like everyone else, but I can't believe I am sober and feeling like this. I do nothing but what I have to do, and I can't snap out of it. I am begining to feel overwhelmed by the amount of things that I need to do (I used to be a clean freak). I know my problem is trivial compared to other souls (bless them) that are having a much harder time, but does anyone have any feedback or suggestions? I just want to go to sleep and it is a beautiful day outside. I feel so ungrateful, but I can't snap out of this. Thanks for reading this feel sorry for myself rant.

Cardio

You're depressed. The antidepressants aren't working. Are you in therapy as well? You most definitely need to talk to the doctor who has proscribed your medicine and let him/her know that they are no longer working.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It really sucks to be depressed. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. What you are feeling is miserable and there is no "misery meter" out there that means some people deserve more sympathy than others. You are working really hard on yourself and unfortunately your body chemistry isn't cooperating. ((hugs))

Revielle1980

I would suggest doing what you know you should do, go to a meeting
Boredom and especially self pity are very negative things for your recovery, go meet some fellow recovering alcoholics.
You'll feel better to be doing something good for yourself!!

Aegian

Sissy,

Congrats on 80 days! You go girl.

When was the last time you talked with your Doc? (The one who has you on the anti-depressants)

Couple of things are sticking out at me here. First, alcohol is a depressant - and now that you have eliminated that from your system, you may need a change in dose and or drug. Know that the wrong dose/drug can cause rebound effects when things change (like eliminating alcohol) meaning drugs once used to mitigate depression can cause it.

Second is the word 'overwhelmed'. Many people hear 'depression' and think sad or lonely, but when I hear 'depression' I think just that - overwhelmed. The kind of overwhelmed that steps over laundry because it seems like climbing a mountain would be easier than doing a load. Seeing coins strewn here and there on counters and end tables, wanting to gather them all up, but feeling daunted by it all. Walking past dirty dishes because of the perception that you won't have the energy to finish them if you start.

Does any of this ring true?

Even if not - the mere fact that you have pulled booze out of the equation of your chemistry is reason to see your doc as soon as possible to talk about how your are feeling and have the conversation about a potential adjustment to any pharmaceuticals you may be taking.

Please do that.

Spiderkitty

Sissy
I am sure your furry pals would be fine if you went to a meeting. I think you ought to give it awhirl. You were kind enough to welcome me and I can recommend AA. Sure, not everyone will appeal to you, but some will and my real life recovery pals really are a great support and enjoyment for me. Moreover, it will help you ride out the yucks without drinking IMHO. I have been having a horrific time with isolating. That was intrenched well before I had my slip after 14 1/2 years sober and I believe it was a major part of my undoing. Now on day 11 and some of my aa buds are coming over in an hour to play cards. The house is a wreck but they won't mind. I do but my husband said they're coming to see me not going on a home tour! domestic goddess is not a requirement. The old don't get too hungry angry lonely tired bit.

Spiderkitty

Oh yes. I too am under dr. Care for depression and working on getting the right rx concoction to get me well. But the mess only get me so far and some of it is up to me. But I do get the depression issue...

sissy07

Cardio, the thanks button didn't work, but thanks...and thanks to everyone. I will make an appt with my doctor and try to help myself by doing some things on that blasted to do list I have. It makes me feel better that you guys took the time to answer my post. I don't know what I would do without SR.

feralheart

I understand that overwhelming feeling. A friend I met through AA and I always talk about "small victories". Like just doing one little thing on your list of worries and for us we find it really helps. like right now i am going to empty the dishwasher which I've neglected to do for 4 days. It's such a small task but I've been dreading it. Little stuff like that can really help when you get low.

Especially with meetings I'm like "ugh, I just got home from work, I'm tired, I need time to relax" but whenever I drag my butt in I feel better, even if it's a boring meeting, I am just glad I took the effort to go.

Anna

I don't know if your medication is working properly or not, but I would definitely talk to my dr if I was you. It could be that a change in medication or dosage would help you.

Why not try making a list of a one or two things to accomplish each day, aside from the things that 'must' be done? It might lift your spirits if you could see that you were moving forward with your housework/pets, etc.

least

You're coming up on three months sober, and a lot of people have 'trouble' around that point in time. I agree with seeing your doctor for adjusting your dose of your antiDs or changing meds.

I also agree with making a short list of things to do each day. Just tackle one thing per day so it's not so overwhelming. As for your dogs and kitties, just continue to give them attention, walks, and loving care. Whenever I feel depressed or anxious or otherwise out of sorts I take my dogs for a nice walk. The exercise and fresh air do us all a lot of good. And as far as the dogs think, you can't walk them too often! They just love their sniffing time.

I too felt depressed and not happy at around three months. I started forcing myself to be grateful for at least one thing each day. At first I had to really work to come up with any gratitude, but after a while I saw how truly blessed I was and now I'm grateful for so much. Check out the Gratitude forum if you haven't already.

:ghug3



PS, if you want a good place to whine to your heart's content, check out the Whiners Anonymous thread in Cafe Central. Great place to air out your problems and get them off your chest.

chainsaw4618

Hi sissy, good for you on 80. I am just shy of 30. I also live alone human-wise, but I have 6 cats and a duck that I love a lot. The animals mean so much to me. Even drunk I would always find a way to care for them. I do seem to notice that the cats "know" when I'm drunk. I'm really a very passive drunk, but they seem to avoid me a little when I have been drinking. One thing I try to think about is my responsibility to their welfare when I drink. Its a small point to most people, but not to me. By not drinking I improve not only my own life, but the lives of my pets also. It does sound as if you are struggling with depression. I don't attend AA either because I live in a very remote location. Have you considered seeing your doctor or therapist and maybe adjusting your meds? I have some friends who deal with this occasionally and sometimes dosages or types of medication just need adjusting. Good luck to you and stay strong!

Zebra1275

Go to AA, get a sponsor and start working the steps. AA is not just about getting sober, the Big Book describes the program as a design for living. If you work the program I bet things will look different in 6 months.

Cardio

((hugs)) Sissy. It'll be okay.

And Aegian that description of depression and "overwhelmed"...very familiar to me, that's for sure.

freshstart57

Hi, Sissy. To me, you sound pretty secure in your sobriety, but depression is complicating your life right now. Keep your commitment to keep alcohol out of the picture because we know that would be like cutting your legs off at the knees.

Learning about my depression and how to improve my mood were very important in my first weeks of sobriety. I tried to focus on how I was sabotaging myself, how I was unable to accept myself, and unwilling to forgive myself. I found that learning about cognitive approaches to these issues were very helpful both for my depression and my addiction. Learning how to strengthen my sense of self rather than declaring failure and weakness was the route that fit me best.

See if what you can learn about REBT. This is was a tool that I used to take apart my bad thoughts and learn about them and why they made me feel overwhelmed, like it was all just too much for me. This is where I started, Sissy. The important thing right now is to know that you can help yourself with these things. You are clearly someone who is able to put your feelings into words. See if you can use this ability to 'think about your thoughts' and learn what they are doing for you. You CAN help yourself.

Keep posting, Sissy, and stay sober.

sissy07

My thanks button doesn't work, so for ya'll that took the time to answer my post - I appreciate it more than you know. Just knowing you care enough to take the time to answer my post has brought tears to my eyes. I will go to the doctor, I am going to make myself go to AA, I am going to do one or two things a day that I have been putting off, and I am going to try to become more grateful. You guys are really amazing people - you are helping me get up when I have fallen down. That's my definition of true friends. Thank you.

Fandy

I just wanted you to know that I have felt the same way at many points during the last 16 months.

there are a lot of factors that can contribute to your emotional state...aside from depression. You might suggest that your doctor check you out thoroughly. (thyroid, hormones fluctuating, physical stamina, HTN, etc). getting sober isn't a cure-all, but now nothing is masked and a physical problem might be just coming to light.

congrats on your 80 days and I hope you feel better soon.

Itchy

Sissy,
I had a severe lack of incentive from about month three until just recently and it didn't start getting better for me until almost ten months. I am not depressive or have any history of it. I did AA from the beginning but not daily meetings. I went to one small group I liked twice a week, Sunday afternoons at 4 PM and Tuesday evenings for BB meetings at 6:30. I don't go as often now at one year plus sobriety but working the steps with a sponsor can help a great deal. Being with people who are the same as you and non-judgmental is a great help.

So regardless of the many who say 90 meetings in 90 days, or that you should anything, just ask them to make a deal with you. You won't "Should" on them if they don't "Should" on you!

Contrary to popular belief and the practices of some, you don't have to be at AA every day, but a schedule of at least once or twice a week on the same day/time/meeting/group can help a great deal. I think it is time you found out you aren't alone, or all the unique. They can also help you with advice on how they coped with the exact same things. You can even get a sponsor if you choose to.

I promise your pups will not miss you any less for an extra couple of hours a week. Did you know they also have lunchtime meetings?

Hope you feel better, and if you stay sober and see the doc as you already said you would, perhaps adding a meeting or two a week would be the little thing you need, perhaps not, but it costs you nothing to actually find out, right?

Stay well and helping others here, as you do with your posts.

sissy07

Thanks Itchy.

Eliasson

Sissy, you have definitely made friends here and you have been such a support to me and I just can't thank you enough. I think we are one day apart on sobriety dates so that's one more reason I feel a special kinship with you. I hate to see you sad, but I agree with others that you are probably depressed. Maybe talk to your dr about changing antidepressants? And since you mentioned AA, I'd make it a priority to get to a meeting, maybe even a women's meeting? You will make friends in the same boat you are in, and you are so kind and compassionate you have a lot to offer newcomers and old timers alike. Be gentle with yourself. Big hugs to you

zxcirce

hi sissy
I understand what you mean totally. what has helped me with inertia is kind of what has been mentioned above: i take time to notice the little things, filling myself with gratitude to keep me in a better mood, and breaking overwhelming things into small things, then setting about just doing one of those small things at a time. when the house is a wreck, i tend to want to ignore it as cleaning seems such a huge chore. but i'll get up, put some stuff where it goes, clean something small. as i start to see progress, it gets easier to keep moving.

give yourself a break. if you want to lay around, do it for a while! go do something fun even if it doesn't sound like fun. if however it gets worse and feels more serious than just apathy/inertia, dont be afraid to ask for help