New to the Site - Friday and Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 14
New to the Site - Friday and Struggling
I am new to this site and have to say that reading the posts has at least kept me from a typical Friday routine of having a liquid lunch and starting my happy hour 4-5 hours before friends and colleagues would arrive at the bar. I have been sober 5 days which as of lately is unusual. Up until recently I had been drinking at least 4 days a week.
I use alcohol as a means to relax or better described as escaping my current situation. I was always a "heavy" social weekend drinker but for the past 4 years due to a combination of events the drinking had escalated. I am to the point of drinking large quantites and not remembering what I did or where I was. Further, I have realized that I am unable to have a drink or two. It always leads to drinking until I run out or the bars close. I have been very fortunate that I have not had any legal problems associated with my drinking or that I have not hurt myself or anyone else.
Up until reading some other posts I had felt that if I got other stressful issues under control the drinking would come back under control. Now I am not so sure.
So, I mad it past the liquid lunch, have enough willpower to avoid the happy hour and I am just fighting the urge to buy alcohol for consuming at home tonight.
I use alcohol as a means to relax or better described as escaping my current situation. I was always a "heavy" social weekend drinker but for the past 4 years due to a combination of events the drinking had escalated. I am to the point of drinking large quantites and not remembering what I did or where I was. Further, I have realized that I am unable to have a drink or two. It always leads to drinking until I run out or the bars close. I have been very fortunate that I have not had any legal problems associated with my drinking or that I have not hurt myself or anyone else.
Up until reading some other posts I had felt that if I got other stressful issues under control the drinking would come back under control. Now I am not so sure.
So, I mad it past the liquid lunch, have enough willpower to avoid the happy hour and I am just fighting the urge to buy alcohol for consuming at home tonight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Hi Value and welcome to SR! Congrats on 5 days, that's a great accomplishment!
The best advice I can give you for today and for the weekend is -- come up with a plan for something to do that doesn't involve drinking. Go to a movie, clean the house, read a book, hang out with a friend who doesn't drink or hang out here on SR, go to a meeting if you like... just give some structure to the weekend so you don't drink. And obviously, don't buy any alcohol on your way home from work.
But bigger picture... do you have a plan for staying sober? A program you plan to work? It's hard to quit drinking, long term, by just quitting drinking.
That said, it sounds like you have your head on straight and are taking a clear look at your issues with drinking and have decided you want to change. That's awesome!
The best advice I can give you for today and for the weekend is -- come up with a plan for something to do that doesn't involve drinking. Go to a movie, clean the house, read a book, hang out with a friend who doesn't drink or hang out here on SR, go to a meeting if you like... just give some structure to the weekend so you don't drink. And obviously, don't buy any alcohol on your way home from work.
But bigger picture... do you have a plan for staying sober? A program you plan to work? It's hard to quit drinking, long term, by just quitting drinking.
That said, it sounds like you have your head on straight and are taking a clear look at your issues with drinking and have decided you want to change. That's awesome!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 174
Welcome to SR!
One thing I found is that while drinking made the stress stuff disappear (for a while) it didn't fix anything. Whatever was causing me stress was just waiting for me to sober up and sleep it off. I of course met the stress with another evening of drinking and another game of kicking the can back down the road.
I've only been sober for 60 days this week, but already I am learning how to deal with things as they come up as opposed to drowning them temporarily to give me time to 'sort it out'. It is a process, but my thinking is much clearer now and it feels great going to bed at night knowing that I dealt with something rather than knowing in the back of my mind that I blew it off and would be waking back up to it.
We are happy to have you here.
One thing I found is that while drinking made the stress stuff disappear (for a while) it didn't fix anything. Whatever was causing me stress was just waiting for me to sober up and sleep it off. I of course met the stress with another evening of drinking and another game of kicking the can back down the road.
I've only been sober for 60 days this week, but already I am learning how to deal with things as they come up as opposed to drowning them temporarily to give me time to 'sort it out'. It is a process, but my thinking is much clearer now and it feels great going to bed at night knowing that I dealt with something rather than knowing in the back of my mind that I blew it off and would be waking back up to it.
We are happy to have you here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 117
I'll just echo what Deserto says: make a plan for the weekend. Even if it's going grocery shopping or running errands. Make a list of things to accomplish and try to knock them out. My first weekend I went to the movies and a social event at my kids' school. It helped.
And congratulations of 5 days sober!
And congratulations of 5 days sober!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I think there are always going to be stressful situations that come along. I don't think we can ever get those under control, but we can learn how to live with the stress in a healthy way. For example, listening to music, meditating, walking can help to calm you so you can deal with the stress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 14
Thank you. Appreciate the encouragement and words of wisdom. It is all very helpful. I agree a long-term plan is needed and will work on a plan next week. For the time being my focus is the rest of today. I was told by my spouse (probably soon to be ex) that she and the kids would not be home until very late or they may stay at her parents because of a Halloween party. Therefore it is a matter of pre-occupying the "free-time" with something new. I was also told by a drug and alcohol counselor that my drinking is/was circumstantial to my personal issues....maybe that is all I wanted to hear? My spouse has only ever brought up the drinking as being an issue when we argue. If I am an acoholic then I am a very much functioning one and she is an enabler. But my long-term focus is that in the event a custody battle would ensue I will want to be able to state that I have not had a drink since October 24, 2011.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Value,
Congrats! Getting through today is part of a recovery plan, and procrastinating on formulating a plan for today AND tomorrow is why so many folks have so much trouble. See, what usually happens is they try to tough it out, try to ignore the triggers, and think that their disgust with themselves will get them through.
Problem is that we can drink the disgust away.
See if we always do what we always did, won't we always get the same results? So now you have a week under your belt and the weekend coming up. Do you have the schedule of the AA meetings in your area? Is your Doc on call and knows what you are doing in case you need some help? What sober friends have you told and enlisted? Are you young enough to have living parents that can help? Of course all that assumes the family and friends you enlist are sober.
The reason you were asked what is your plan is because now is the time you need it. Now is the time you want to start doing different things from what always didn't work before. Which is usually keeping it a secret and not getting any help.
If this is your first attempt to quit then I take back what I said, and if it does not work then read the above again as it applies.
I did not say you should do all or any of the above. But perhaps I can repeat the4 question about a plan by asking you what you are doing differently this time than the last?
Hang in there above all else! Remember we aren't saints nor preaching here. Just been there, done that, got the cap and the T-shirt.
Keep posting, hourly if need be. Try the chat room too if you need real time help.
I started out just like you except I checked into a VA hospital to detox which had a 28 day rehab that followed, I joined AA and here as soon as I was out. I had my GP Doc and MY VA Doc helping every inch and with blood tests and support afterwards. I even quit smoking at the same time. I had my best friends and family informed and ready to help. I read daily, and have a wonderful SH of 39 years who helped me through every inch of the PAWS.
It has been a year and I can now say that I haven't touched alcohol or had a smoke or even puff of cigarette since 21 September 2010.
I am writing all this in hopes to have you say the same, doing it in whatever way works for you.
Welcome to SR!
Congrats! Getting through today is part of a recovery plan, and procrastinating on formulating a plan for today AND tomorrow is why so many folks have so much trouble. See, what usually happens is they try to tough it out, try to ignore the triggers, and think that their disgust with themselves will get them through.
Problem is that we can drink the disgust away.
See if we always do what we always did, won't we always get the same results? So now you have a week under your belt and the weekend coming up. Do you have the schedule of the AA meetings in your area? Is your Doc on call and knows what you are doing in case you need some help? What sober friends have you told and enlisted? Are you young enough to have living parents that can help? Of course all that assumes the family and friends you enlist are sober.
The reason you were asked what is your plan is because now is the time you need it. Now is the time you want to start doing different things from what always didn't work before. Which is usually keeping it a secret and not getting any help.
If this is your first attempt to quit then I take back what I said, and if it does not work then read the above again as it applies.
I did not say you should do all or any of the above. But perhaps I can repeat the4 question about a plan by asking you what you are doing differently this time than the last?
Hang in there above all else! Remember we aren't saints nor preaching here. Just been there, done that, got the cap and the T-shirt.
Keep posting, hourly if need be. Try the chat room too if you need real time help.
I started out just like you except I checked into a VA hospital to detox which had a 28 day rehab that followed, I joined AA and here as soon as I was out. I had my GP Doc and MY VA Doc helping every inch and with blood tests and support afterwards. I even quit smoking at the same time. I had my best friends and family informed and ready to help. I read daily, and have a wonderful SH of 39 years who helped me through every inch of the PAWS.
It has been a year and I can now say that I haven't touched alcohol or had a smoke or even puff of cigarette since 21 September 2010.
I am writing all this in hopes to have you say the same, doing it in whatever way works for you.
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
welcome to SR Valuesobriety 
I used to drink for stress too - but I found the list of situations that required the 'drinking solution' grew and grew and grew...
pretty soon I not only had stress but I was an alcoholic as well.
Like Anna said there are a lot of other positive ways to deal with stress and find relaxation
Look forward to seeing you around some more
D
I used to drink for stress too - but I found the list of situations that required the 'drinking solution' grew and grew and grew...
pretty soon I not only had stress but I was an alcoholic as well.
Like Anna said there are a lot of other positive ways to deal with stress and find relaxation
Look forward to seeing you around some more
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 14
Thanks Itchy. I understand now. I was under the impression that the suggestion for a plan was in reference to a long-term plan for sobriety. You are correct, I need a plan for the next 10 hours. The good news is that by this time on most Fridays I would have already had 12 or more drinks. I am struggling with what to do to occupy my time. I hoped to work late but that too is a trigger as I frequently would drink in my office while working and as it gets later in the day I anticipate it becoming a problem. I have become to realize that ALL of my "hobbies" have also involved drinking. All of my friends are drinkers. I was attempting to avoid any meetings as I live in a relatively small community but at this point it is starting to look like a really good idea. I am 40 and for personal reasons I would prefer not to burden my parents with these struggles. They have some health issues and its my attempt not to upset them or concern them. Thank you for your advise, it is very much appreciated. PS I have decided to quit smoking after 60 days of sobriety. I commend you for being able to do both at the same time.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,775
I used to 'drink away' depression and anxiety... but they weren't gone, they were just waiting to come back ten times worse.
I hope you can come up with a plan to maintain sobriety. Living sober rocks!
Welcome to the family.
I hope you can come up with a plan to maintain sobriety. Living sober rocks!Welcome to the family.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome ValueSobriety - hope you're hanging in there tonight.....
When I got sober, the first week or two felt strange, like I had moved to a foreign country. Like you, I had gotten used to planning all my leisure activities around a drink.
Give yourself time to get used to being sober and come here often. There's lots of great information and support at SR.
When I got sober, the first week or two felt strange, like I had moved to a foreign country. Like you, I had gotten used to planning all my leisure activities around a drink.
Give yourself time to get used to being sober and come here often. There's lots of great information and support at SR.
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