peaceful1

I'm 42 y/o, and I feel like I'm finally growing up.....in the past when faced with a tough decision, I always wanted to "have my cake and eat it too",(never really understood that saying...i mean whats the point in having cake if you can't eat it?...but anyway, you get my point). For example, I loved to work out, run, eat healthy etc., but I also loved to smoke and drink and I did all of that for many, many years (it was exhausting!) I love being in serious relationships, but at the same time I want my independence and freedom, and I always found situations to suit me in that regard.

I wanted to stay out late, but get up early and go to the gym. Drink wine, but not have a hangover....smoke cigarettes, but run an 8 minute mile. Avoid confrontation, but want to have my needs met...even though I never mentioned what they were. Anyway, the reason for this thought process is that I have alot of friends that like to drink, and I love my friends...they're real friends, not drinking buddies. I have not spent any time with them in the last few months since I have stopped drinking and now I really miss them....I have been invited out Fri night for dinner with some great friends and sat to a halloween party.... I'm not going...not sure I'm ready yet.

But, I really wanted to go.....and I wanted it to be like old times, a few glasses of wine, alot of laughter, and fun......but I also want my sober life, I love my life as it is now. Can't have it both ways, I know. I know what I want, but I must say my mind was romanticizing it...and that scares me.....thanks for listening..(reading).

Dee74

I think it's a great idea to take some time out and work on yourself and your recovery...

I took a few months out and put the work in...I can be with anyone anywhere now and not be worried...or choose not to go to something if I think it's no longer my scene

great post peaceful1
D

Cardio

We're about the same age (I'm 44) and what you say makes so much sense. I want to be able to drink my face off on Friday night but get up early to run and then take my kids to swimming. Not every going to happen! I feel like the memo I should have received in my 20s was misplaced (probably because I was drunk) and I never got the whole "that lifestyle is incompatible with drinking heavily!"

Itchy

Wow 44? You guys are old! Think it is tough now, I am 15 years your senior and only quit finally a year and a month ago.

Since you both are runners and over 40 let me tell you why it is really smart to quit now if you at all possibly can.

I look at life as like running on a crushed cinder nice track. And there are lines at age 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 etc. Even though we think 30 and 40 will be significant, if we took care of ourselves and/or had great genes we noticed little difference in our ability to maintain our pace past the 30, and 40 marks even though we thought there would be.

But when we pass the 50 mark, we really can keep running the pace, except it is much harder as our nice cinder track just turned to sand. Sure we can keep running, but it takes everything we have just to keep a slower pace. And we have to take breaks. and maybe just find something a bit less strenuous to do for exercise like a recumbent bike!

I smoked 3 packs a day and drank up to 30 drinks a day and more some days in the last couple of years of drinking. Had I quit 15 years ago I would not have some of the minor and one major deficits I now have.

Keeping up after 50 is hard enough. Trying to heal and recover is best done in your mid 40's, trust me on that.

Diva76

Wow! You just summed up the struggle that was going through my ex-boyfriend's mind!!!!

He wanted marriage and 3 kids with me but couldn't seem to "get" how family life and the bar scene don't typically mix....

Eventually, the "demon" won.....which is so sad, considering what a beautiful personality he has when he is sober....

Whenever he did drink, nothing else (including me) mattered...

In my recovery, I remind myself that no one wakes up one day and decides to become an alcoholic....

This helps me have compassion for him.....

My heart still goes out to him, (from a distance that is....)

We broke up about 2 months ago and he refuses to talk to me.....

I'm secretly "hoping" that changes someday, but at the moment, I'm trying to get used to the idea that he's never coming back....

I have learned that it's ok to still care about him, without being directly involved...

My recovery began when I realized that there's nothing I can do to help him see that he has a problem no matter what I do....

I look at it this way, if he's going to drink regardless, then, heck...I may as well be happy!

Of course, I'd be there for him in a heartbeat if he decided on his own that he wishes to seek help, but for now, I just have to act "as if" he's out of my life permanently.....

Even if we're not meant to be together, I would still like to see him get well...

Thanks again for sharing....

Reading your post is EXACTLY what I needed...

I wish you all the best in your newfound sobriety

Cardio

Itchy you are exactly right. Thanks for your wise words.