zanzene

My husband. I am conflicted, I am grieving I am angry I am scared and I dont want to cry because it hurts too much.
I have read the posts here and have found much comfort but I need to speak.
His drinks, he stops drinking and make promises. I smell his breath looking to confirm and for a while am relieved, he is not drinking.
He starts chewing gum and I know I am in for it. It has been going on for a few years, and at one point I was right there with him, inebriated and not caring. I stopped, worked hard to get where I am today but he did not and it is getting worse and worse. Sometimes I feel like I deserve this or that he is punishing me, he wants me to hurt as much as he does.

he went out last night, I heard him come in but did not get up and check to see what state he was in and feel back asleep. Around two I woke up, went in the living room and found him laying on the rug. I thought he was dead. I got him up and into bed.

not much else to say. I just needed to get this out.

yoursmalena

I think you just did a right thing. Why keep the unhappiness in your heart. Speak it out loud and try to let it go then.

CagedBird

My situation is similar. I don't have anything really useful to add, just that you are not alone.

wellnowwhat

Yes, you need to vent, air things out, and read and learn. You are not alone.

I think though, next time, leave him lying on the rug. It's a consequence of his behaviour.

bellakeller

I am learning not to do things for my A that she can do for herself. If I find her on the floor, I am supposed to let her find her own way back to bed.

Sorry you are hurting. Please take care of yourself.

jessiec

Hugs. I know it's hard. And I hope you feel some relief getting it out in the "open." So many here share your struggles.

This week I just started attending Al-Anon meetings and have found it very comforting. We might not be able to change them, but in no way are not powerless over *our* lives!

Tuffgirl

Welcome to SR.

Good for you for getting it out - that's the first step in asking for help.

Don't hesitate to check out Al-Anon in your area. There are lots of good books out there, too. This site is a wealth of knowledge about alcoholism, along with great support for the family members affected by it.

Keep coming back!
~T

juliep

It's good to get things off your chest.

I am in a similar position as you, but from what I have learned I would have checked he wasnt dead then left him on the floor.
Putting him to bed just make things easy for him.
x

m1k3

1. Al-anon, check out several meetings and go to at least 6. They were a lifesaver for me.
2. Read and post here a lot. There is a ton of wisdom on this site.
3. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

His drinking is what he does. You don't have any control over it. What you can do is start to put your life back in order. Al-Anon is the place to get the tools and support you need to help you fix you.

Your friend,