itsanewday2011

Hi all,

I have been back on this site, not because things are chaotic, but things are actually calm with my ex. He has been in sober housing for a couple of weeks now (this is after rehab for a month in February, then basically relapsing on/off from March-September). Ex has been regularly seeing his daughter in October 2x/week for his supervised visits.

Our divorce was final in August, but now ex emails me almost daily with messages about his job search, how he had an "amazing" time at church, how he went hiking yesterday with a friend in recovery (he never used to hike or rarely wanted to go on walks), or how sorry he is and how he eventually wants to get together to "talk about our feelings". He says that life is now about "living in the moment" (this is from someone who's idea of a great night was room service and a movie in a hotel). Granted, that can be fun, but an ideal evening???

I feel like outside of his recovery group of friends, I am his only friend (he basically lost touch with all of his guy friends). My brother was his "best friend" but now they don't speak to each other. I am not quite sure what to think of the messages and this new "spirit" he has - it reminds me of when we first met - kind of a "manic" behavior. Part of me thinks he is trying to "suck me back in" and another part of me thinks I am one of his only friends left and he is just trying to stay "friends"?

I am a little concerned that while ex seems to be working the program, I know he isn't on his bipolar meds as he dropped his health insurance. I am wondering if he is becoming somewhat manic????

I am glad he is in recovery and working the program, but all of this is so confusing to me. All of a sudden he has done a 180 and is acting like the man I married over 7 years ago. But, I don't trust it. I keep waiting for the addict to kick back in. When he emailed to say he wanted to talk about our feelings, I told him I "don't have the emotional bandwidth" and that I wanted to focus our discussions on our daughter.

Anyone have stories to share, good, bad, better, worse? When your A's were in recovery was all of this behavior a good sign or just a phase?

I know I need to be happy for his work and be glad he is healthy to spend time with our daughter. I know I also need to focus on me and take each day at a time. Today, I actually was able to go have dinner and catch up with a girlfriend as ex's mom offered to pick up daughter from daycare so I could have some "free time". What a treat!

Just curious to get some insight. Ex reverting back to man I first met is throwing me for a loop. I wouldn't take him back, I just don't know how to react to this.

Windblown

I think you are right not to trust. I think it will take me years to trust my AS again, and rightly so. It sounds like you have gone through a lot of hell with this man. I wouldn't worry about whether he has any frinds or not. That is up to him to work out. It is wonderful that he is getting better but honestly.....he's barely sober.....and has had months of relapse. There is always hope, but personally, I wouldn't leave myself vulnerable to discussing 'feelings' so soon if ever. You are divorced. Time for you to enjoy your own life...with your friends. Also, just because someone doesn't have insurance doesn't mean they can't get bipolar meds. There is always a free state clinic or one that has a sliding scale. If he wants to get bipolar meds....he can do that himself.

Tread lightly...I bet your freedom was hard won and now it's time for healthy happiness for you....i'm sorry but my intuitive message is shouting...Watch Out! Steer Clear! Give it plenty of time...watch what he says....see what he does.....over a Long period of time being sober. You deserve a happy life...don't get tangled up in his problems.

dollydo

All I can tell you is that my exabf was always gung ho when he was a week or two into
a recovery program or like your ex in a sober living enviorment.

It never lasted long, he began finding fault with the people there, the surroundings and so on, and, off he went, started using again. Then the same cycle would begin yet again. Their nature is to be all giddy and excited one moment and then all unhappy and
pissed the next. They generally have the attention span of a 3 year old.

I wouldn't think too much about his committment right now, he has just begun the journey.

Concentrate on you and your daughter, and, I would limit my conversations/emails with him stictly to issues pertaining to your daughter.

To be honest, you are hoping and looking for something that just isn't there. Even if he
remains clean for life, which only a small % of people can do, he will always have issues.

You are divorced, move on, make a new life for yourself, there are alot of sober, sane men out there. That one, special one that you can share your life with.

Make your past a guidepost, not a hitching post.

I wish you the best,

Kindeyes

I love that. I hope you don't mind if I use it sometime;-)

Sober Recovery Articles » Recovery and the Pink Cloud

What immediately came to mind as I read your post was the "pink cloud".

gentle hugs
ke