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After Work Drinks?

Old 10-25-2011, 01:39 PM
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After Work Drinks?

I'm 20 days sober today! Woot!

Anyhoot, I'm sort of known around the office as the person who usually organizes the after work cocktail events (surprise!). I have a reputation as a partier (surprise!). Over the past few weeks, I've had numerous coworkers ask when the next after work shing-ding would happen.

I don't want to lose touch with my coworkers, but I haven't even stepped foot into a bar, much less be surrounded by 30something frenzied 9to5-ers that just want to get a buzz going.

Anyone have any advice in this situation? How does one continue to be social when drinking is the social event?

(ps. I'm totally ashamed that I'm the person in the office people turn to when they want to get f**ked up after work).
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Old 10-25-2011, 01:40 PM
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Start a bowling team.
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:00 PM
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Well, this will be no big surprise, but there are probably a lot of us here that are "that" person. I guess how I will answer your question is by telling you what I did and then some other options.

I myself didn't step into a bar that was only a bar (no good reason to be there unless to get a buzz) until I was about 5 or 6 months sober. The only reason I went was to be social as there was a birthday paty and I went with my girlfriend to make an appearance and then left before it got to the time where people had more than a few drinks in them. Now I am comfortable going to a bar, if need be, and it really doesn't bother me. I have gotten to the point that whether a drink be an arms length away or a 30 minute drive if I decide to drink I am going to do so.

As all of us here seek help at a different point, so you may not need to stay away for 6 months, or you may need to stay away longer. There are other options that you may use if you feel it is necessary to go out with your colleagues. You could tell someone at your work your situation that you feel comfortable telling and bring them with you and just drink a soda/tonic with a lime in it and no one will know. Another option is to only go here and there and always make sure you drive and do the same with the soda/tonic. Lastly depending on what you believe you can handle, you could drink something NA (this doesn't work well IMHO).

I hope some of this helps as I know one of the hardest things I deal with is not interacting with some of the good people out there that can control their drinking. I have gotten comfortable with not drinking and am more than happy to drop the toxic people from my life, but there are still quite a few people that are great people but like to tip the bottle here and there. Good luck!
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:05 PM
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Go out for coffee??

I am not involved in anything where drinking is the social event. I have zero interest in being in those kinds of situations.
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:12 PM
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pass that organisers hat onto someone else harshmistress

D
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:29 PM
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Dee hit the nail right on the head!

Next time someone in the office asks about it simply say:

"I don't have the time, you do it, it's your job now." And walk away.

Then when someone else finally does do it, and make no mistake, someone will, and you are told, just say:

"Aw gee, thanks, but I have someplace to be right after work." And walk away.

Easiest way to keep from being 'tempted' in early recovery.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:30 PM
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There are lots of things you can do as a group that don't involve alcohol. Let someone else set up the happy-hours and you can occasionally suggest a get-together for dinner or going to a movie everyone wants to see. That way, you'll still be social but won't be hanging out in bars to do so.
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:59 PM
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Yes! I like the idea of passing the organizer hat along to someone else. I don't even want to go to a bar, and sit with a pint of seltzer, watching coworkers blabber into oblivion. We're not really a dinner and movie type of office, but I will have to find a happy medium outing to pull together soon, so I don't lose important connections or my sobriety.
Thank You!
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Old 10-25-2011, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Start a bowling team.
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Old 10-25-2011, 03:07 PM
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Swing and a miss on my part, but I'm happy that you got the answer you needed. Thank goodness we have the wise administrators here!! Good luck passing the hat!
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Old 10-25-2011, 03:08 PM
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Congrats on your 20 days!! That is huge!


Harsh you wrote:
"How does one continue to be social when drinking is the social event?"

I think that your question is the answer. If drinking is the social then non drinkers can't be social by that definition. I think I am older than most participants here except for a few regulars here. Most won't go near a place or activity that centers on drinking. I don't either even though my wife drinks every night moderately and there is scotch in the house. I also quit smoking and there is a carton of cigarettes here too. I have no issue with being here alone with them and really never think about them. It has been a year and to be honest I don't get cravings at all any more. Now it is more a function of keeping myself from even imagining I can ever drink and control it again. This I take for a fact, but from my talks with relapsed people from here and AA they all did fine until something triggered them.

But newly sober I think that you are asking for trouble if you hang out with them again.

Now you already said that they are not your friends and you only go out with them after work once in a while and then only to get a buzz on.

Umm did we tell you the bad news? That if you define social as drunk or drinking at all, which for us is the same thing, well you can't be social by that definition.

If you define social as getting together with friends for cookouts, evening social events like theater tickets, concerts, miniature golf, go kart racing, ski'ing either water or snow, diving either Scuba or sky, hiking, climbing, bike riding (motorized or pedal) Dog walking, competing in whatever, going out to eat, dancing ( yes they have dance halls without drunks in many places) in my part of the country hunting, fishing, dirt track racing, 4 wheeling, going to art galleries and museums, traveling for a weekend, camping, RVing, deep sea fishing, organizing a movement for whatever, organizing church functions, community functions, volunteering for charitable fund raising or work, and a million other things then you are OK!

Going out with "work only acquaintances" that are getting drunk or buzzed you can do too, only the odds are you won't be sober anymore.

If you are asking how to handle it, tell them all you are on a new diet. I am of course assuming you are of the female persuasion, because even if you don't need to lose weight, those of the female persuasion are always trying out a new diet. Tell them that you are working out and that the friend who told you about the diet lost all kinds of weight and that aside from exercising just a bit more, just not drinking alcohol or sugary soft drinks worked!

Just not drinking is a lot different than saying quitting. They will understand. Heck if you do lose weight from not drinking odds are that many of them will join you and then you can organize the non-drinking activities for the group that joins you.

I am serious here not sarcastic or making fun at all.

Good luck and again congrats on your 20 days!
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Old 10-25-2011, 05:16 PM
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Yes, I would def pass along that job to another co worker. BTW, I have to know....whats up with your screen name??? or is that too personal???
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Old 10-26-2011, 04:43 PM
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@ peaceful1: I once heard someone refer to booze as a harsh mistress. But, I'm now realizing that I omitted the "A" in my member name, which makes me look like the harsh mistress, which I'm neither harsh nor a mistress.

Thanks for all the input. I know what I have to do.@Itchy, great idea about the diet. I was having a hard time imagining myself telling people why I couldn't attend without being obvious about my problem at work.
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:58 PM
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It will also be the truth with no fingers crossed behind yer back! You are changing your diet by eliminating a significant source of carbs and calories. Many of us also need to work out to work out the energy we get when we quit and for the tired days to build it up. So you could organize workout sessions for those who are wanting to socialize not tranquilize and actually get back in shape.
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