Buffalo66

I am sad and overwhelmed.

I feel stupid for "going with the flow", for trusting, and for being idealistic.

I know he wants to be balanced and kind.

He is just so dismissive and God forbid should anyone but him have a crisis or a drama or good news. He is just SOOOO
SELF CENTERED>

And still, no matter how I do it, if I disagree with him or take issue or need something, I am not just disagreeing w him, I am treating him like"crap", abusing him.

He calls me cruel if I get annoyed with him.

I am so tired of being dismissed and I want to focus on getting well, and I am facing maybe throwing him out again so I can heal myself, because it just seems like there is no space for the both of us in HIS life...

I dont want to do that, he has come a long way, sober for a year and two weeks.

He is just so damn self focused.

The three months prior to my diagnosis of heart disease (bad enough that I was urged to avoid pregnancy, since my body may not be able to support that) He was wonderful, we were a team, he was actually loving and supportive.

now its back to the same old crap: dark thinking, wrangling me into opposition by baiting me with feeling sad, then when I try to help he turns on me.
Then he says I am abusing him.

I dont know what to do, maybe mediation or counseling? I have to think about my son and his stability, which is not being compromised right now.

TakingCharge999

I have to think about my son and his stability, which is not being compromised right now.

I am not a mom but I would think a sad & stressed mom IS compromising your son´s stability. You got to take care of your health, I do not think his issues are helping your heart in any way. (Physically or emotionally).

Stress has major impact in a woman, especially chronic stress. How much more are you willing to take. Your very life is at stake here, do you wish your son to be left alone in the world? because this is where this is going. Stress is "the silent killer".

I have discovered the following:

In order to heal, I need care, peace, serenity, compassion, love, silence, patience, relaxing music, relaxing atmospheres, laughter... flowers .... rest, good food, great friends, somewhere safe to express my feelings ... all this is needed and no it is not too much to ask for.

Time to set priorities before its too late.

Willybluedog

My mom has been an alcoholic for 40+ years, she has always been self-centered but the last ten years or so her self-absorbtion has gone up exponentially every year.

My dad will not leave her but it is grinding away at him, he gets up every day looking for the positives in everything, grateful for his family, health, etc.

My mom is negative and mean, she will never allow herself to be happy.

Please don't end up like my dad, yes he loves her but he could have been so much happier with someone who wants to live life to the fullest, I would have been much happier as a kid if they had been divorced rather than at each others throats all the time!

Best of luck to you, I hope you find peace,

Bill

marie1960

I agree, it's time for some quality Buffalo time.

Stay focused on your son and just you........

Do things that add joy to your lives.......

It's up to you to make healthy choices.

I had to accept a loss on a financial investment recently. The rate of return did not warrant my initial investment. Life is like that too.
Sometimes we just have to cut our losses and go forward.

I wish you peace........

LaTeeDa

You've been waiting, what, five years now for this guy to become "the man you know he CAN be?" Maybe he just doesn't want to be that guy. Maybe he is just exactly who he is and has been for the past 5+ years. There's always an excuse, isn't there? Drinking, anniversary, job loss, anxiety, etc. etc. etc. You could spend your entire life waiting if you want. I spent 20 years of mine waiting. He never did change into that guy I knew he was capable of being. Eventually, there comes a point where you either accept him as he is, or you move on. Maybe you are at that point? I hope so, for your sake. I hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me.

L

dollydo

He is who he is, sober or drunk, you are expecting him to change and become someone else, it won't happen.

It was your decision to go back with him, and, now you either have to put up with him or
move on, that's it.

I am sorry about your health issues, however, having another child with this man would be a big mistake, he is not good marriage or father material.

Tuffgirl

B66 - I found this on a blog the other day and I copied it for future reference. Not to "man bash" because the same can be said for girls vs. women!

Boys ask questions… Men give answers!!!
Boys play house… Men build homes!!!
Boys shack up… Men get married!!!
Boys make babies… Men raise children!!!
A boy won't raise his own children… A man will raise his and someone else's!!!
Boys invent excuses for failure… Men produce strategies for success!!!
Boys look for somebody to take care of them… Men look for someone to take care of!!!
Boys seek popularity… Men demand respect and know how to give it!

wicked

What? When? How?
How do you know this? This might be what he is saying, but so far his actions have been less than inspiring.
Please give yourself and your son a chance at life.

My children are young adults now, but they have told me that they were nearly always concerned about me and my state of mind. Stop telling yourself this is not affecting your sons stability (life), because it most certainly is affecting him.

Beth

Adult Child of an Alcoholic and Recovering.