Pigtails

I'm going to some Halloween parties on Friday. I'm already nervous because I know everyone else will be drinking. My boyfriend and I will not be drinking. I guess half of me just wonders why I or anyone would want to get dressed up and go hang out at a party with a bunch of other dressed up people if we WEREN'T drinking, and half of me wants to be able to have fun without drinking. I don't know too many people at the parties I'm going to... I'm going with my friends, and I know the host of one of the parties, but otherwise, I don't know who all will be there or who I'll know.

I was thinking of making it a networking-type opportunity, to introduce myself and try to meet people and break out of my shy self, which is a goal of mine (I always "needed" alcohol at social events... I would go from shy girl in the corner wishing she was at home with a book, to Miss Talkative Life of the Party [and often, unfortunately, to Ditzy, Obnoxious Drunk!]). But then I realized I better go early and leave early, because a Halloween party full of drunk people probably isn't the best place to get to know people.

I am going to tell people I haven't been drinking due to training for a race and getting into shape (which is true) and that I have a 5K on Sunday that I won't be as fast at if I get drunk on Friday night and am hungover all day Saturday (also true).

Part of me wants to just skip the whole thing and stay in and watch scary movies. But I feel like I've been staying in every night of my 12 days of sobriety so far and I do want to be able to go out and have a life and not be a hermit. I would like to dress up with my boyfriend/friends and have a good time without drinking. But then I get nervous about it... not so much about wanting to drink, but about feeling bored and lame being sober while everyone else is drinking. Has anyone had experience with this?

eJoshua

I think hanging out with a bunch of drinkers when you aren't drinking is certainly boring. Anytime I'm around people that are getting trashed now I wonder how I ever thought that was fun.

The best way to do this if you want to go would be to make sure that you bf will keep you accountable so you don't slip into that "well maybe just one" mindset. Also I would plan an excuse to leave early in case you feel overwhelmingly tempted. These sort of events can only really work if you plan well ahead of time.

Pigtails

Sounds as hard as trying to just have one or two drinks, ha ha. But I think that if I look at it as fun... and are with a core group of people I think are fun whether or not they are drinking... I will have fun (I hope). I do wonder about the escape route thing... I'm assuming my friends who are drinking will want me/my boyfriend to drive since we won't be. Perhaps I shouldn't tell them until the last minute and they will have made their own arrangements home. But then I may not have as much resolve if I don't tell them ahead of time that I'm not going to be drinking. (I wouldn't mind driving them, if I was sure I wanted to stay until the end... but if it gets hard, I want to get out of there, and, like you said, it could get really boring once everyone gets drunk! I too wonder how I used to hang around drunk people for hours on end, and then I remember, I was drunk right along with them! :rotfxko)

Thanks for the tips!

Anna

I don't think you need to sit at home.

But, I know I wouldn't spend the night with a bunch of drunk people, either.

There are a million more interesting, fulfilling and fun things to do.

doggonecarl

Sobriety and recovery doesn't mean being stuck in your house, afraid to be social. You should be able to fully engage with life.

That said, you are early in your recovery. When I first got sober it was essential that I avoided most alcohol-related events. I did so because I realized I was uncomfortable in a lot of social situations and always drank to mask those feelings. I wasn't really prepared to face my social anxiety when I first got sober. So staying home was my choice.

If you decide to go, as Josuha said, have an out prepared. There's nothing wrong about going, saying hello, and bailing out. Have fun, and good luck.

Pigtails

I think deep down I don't want to go, or I just want to go to the one party being hosted by my friend from school, and leave early. I don't want to be tempted and I also don't want to be bored.

Last night at the gym I saw one of my friends I haven't seen in a bit, and she asked what "we" (I think she meant me and my former best friend/drinking buddy) were doing for Halloween and if she could come too. I invited her and her boyfriend to this party with my boyfriend and his brother and a couple other friends. Now I wish I hadn't done that. It will complicate things. I guess I could tell them that we're just going to the one party for a little bit and then either going to a scary movie or bowling or something, because we're not drinking.

Another friend invited me to two other parties and I already said I would go. But I suppose I could back out. I don't see the point of party-hopping to parties hosted by people I don't know, when I'm not drinking.