One of those days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Santa Clara California
Posts: 7
One of those days
I hate the reason that keeps me coming back here... but venting and hearing other similar stories really helps me get through the tough days.
Today was one of them. My brother you know the addict, the guy daddy bails out of EVERY problem he has ever faced, the guy who admits to being an addict and knowing what he needs to do to be clean but isnt ready to get help. He is currently homeless... well i dont know if living in my parents backyard while they are out of town counts as homeless but he is pretty darn close. Anyway once again I have him calling and texting and showing up randomly at my house. Somedays he seems perfectly normal and other days you can tell he is on some drug that is making him paranoid because he is crying and all he can say is how much he loves us and to tell his kids how much he loved them and then he says that people are after him and he has to go. Then 12 hours later you can see him posting on facebook or whatever else about how hard he is and what a hustler he is. I just dont know what to make of it. Its like he is crying wolf. Yet I feel like if I dont respond back or answer my door that really might be the last time I see him and I did nothing to help him.
All I want is for him to go get help but I cant make him do that and as much as im trying to wash my hands of this and just focus on my little family I just cant get this out of my head. Im not being the best mother or wife I can be because im so wrapped up in thinking about this all the time. If anyone could suggest ways to deal with this or at least help get my mind off of it for awhile like, books to read, songs to listen to, quotes, or other sites I would greatly appreciate it.
Today was one of them. My brother you know the addict, the guy daddy bails out of EVERY problem he has ever faced, the guy who admits to being an addict and knowing what he needs to do to be clean but isnt ready to get help. He is currently homeless... well i dont know if living in my parents backyard while they are out of town counts as homeless but he is pretty darn close. Anyway once again I have him calling and texting and showing up randomly at my house. Somedays he seems perfectly normal and other days you can tell he is on some drug that is making him paranoid because he is crying and all he can say is how much he loves us and to tell his kids how much he loved them and then he says that people are after him and he has to go. Then 12 hours later you can see him posting on facebook or whatever else about how hard he is and what a hustler he is. I just dont know what to make of it. Its like he is crying wolf. Yet I feel like if I dont respond back or answer my door that really might be the last time I see him and I did nothing to help him.
All I want is for him to go get help but I cant make him do that and as much as im trying to wash my hands of this and just focus on my little family I just cant get this out of my head. Im not being the best mother or wife I can be because im so wrapped up in thinking about this all the time. If anyone could suggest ways to deal with this or at least help get my mind off of it for awhile like, books to read, songs to listen to, quotes, or other sites I would greatly appreciate it.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Several years back, my son moved into the park down the street from where I lived. His personality changed as he used and came down again. One day I saw him and handed him a list of places that would help him...detox,, rehabs (Salvation Army rehabs are very good and free), and NA meetings in the city. And I asked him to please not come to that park, it was too hard for me to see him that way when he wouldn't reach out for help.
I am sorry you are going through this and know how hard it is. Personally, I think I would ask him to not come around and tell him that it scares you.
Hugs
I am sorry you are going through this and know how hard it is. Personally, I think I would ask him to not come around and tell him that it scares you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Most of us here know obsession with someone we care about and the consequences, neglecting ourselves and our own responsibilities.
When I first came to this forum, I could not wrap my head around posts talking about my own recovery. I thought others were, to put it nicely, confused. I was not the addict and had no problems. And of course, my situation was different.
Yet something hooked me in and I read the stickies and thousands of posts and the backstories. I saw the commonality of our situations. I especially benefitted from the perspective of recovering addicts.
It becomes a grieving process to accept we have no control over other people and their choices and this extends to those who enable addiction as well as addicts. The only thing we control is our reaction. Many here have sought professional help. Many here attend Alanon.
Our own codependency and obsession with what we do not control can destory us no different than addiction. We can't just snap out of it, just like an addict cannot snap out of it. It's a process and takes tremendeous motivation and effort to do so.
It comes down to saving ourselves or allowing ourselves to be dragged down with the addict into the depths of hell-o, where we are no good to anyone.
We have a choice.
When I first came to this forum, I could not wrap my head around posts talking about my own recovery. I thought others were, to put it nicely, confused. I was not the addict and had no problems. And of course, my situation was different.
Yet something hooked me in and I read the stickies and thousands of posts and the backstories. I saw the commonality of our situations. I especially benefitted from the perspective of recovering addicts.
It becomes a grieving process to accept we have no control over other people and their choices and this extends to those who enable addiction as well as addicts. The only thing we control is our reaction. Many here have sought professional help. Many here attend Alanon.
Our own codependency and obsession with what we do not control can destory us no different than addiction. We can't just snap out of it, just like an addict cannot snap out of it. It's a process and takes tremendeous motivation and effort to do so.
It comes down to saving ourselves or allowing ourselves to be dragged down with the addict into the depths of hell-o, where we are no good to anyone.
We have a choice.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Sunny So Ca beach with a breeze
Posts: 75
So sorry you have to keep coming back as we all do, But I am thankful SR is here and we can come back!!
It is hard to let go! I divorced my AH, to make life better for my daughter and I worked on me, made things better. But I never really stepped back from him and his ups and downs, until recently. As hard as it is being his only real friend and family he had not turned away. But for me it has been what I was looking for years ago, peace. Not all days are peacful but I can relax and focus on my daughter.
You need to just let him go, just as Ann said tell him not to come around. Go to court if you need to. I focus on my daughter and am involved with a youth service organization to keep busy.
Hang in there tomorrow will be a better day if you let it!
hugs
It is hard to let go! I divorced my AH, to make life better for my daughter and I worked on me, made things better. But I never really stepped back from him and his ups and downs, until recently. As hard as it is being his only real friend and family he had not turned away. But for me it has been what I was looking for years ago, peace. Not all days are peacful but I can relax and focus on my daughter.
You need to just let him go, just as Ann said tell him not to come around. Go to court if you need to. I focus on my daughter and am involved with a youth service organization to keep busy.
Hang in there tomorrow will be a better day if you let it!
hugs
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