wishingdreaming

My ex came over Saturday night and appeared to be sober; he had gone out with friends for a couple beers after a long day of work at his parents' business and then stopped by my place to watch movies. We ended up talking for probably 2-3 hours about our relationship, his drinking, the future etc. During our conversation I asked several times if he was drunk because he was talking about the future and being really open with his feelings which is kind of unusual for him. He swore up and down he was sober and I believed him because he didn't smell like alcohol or smoke and the more he drinks the more he smokes usually. Plus we haven't been spending much time together so I figured maybe the whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' method was working.
We ended up going to bed around 1:30 or so and at about 4 in the morning I got up because I heard a strange noise, I turned on the lamp next to my bed and he was standing in the middle of my room actually crapping his pants (sorry for the language). It was running down his legs onto my carpet, I pushed him into the bathroom and he was in there for probably a good half an hour plus had to shower after. When he came out he said it was due to stomach issues, not drinking.
Less than a month ago he told me that he had the same thing happen during "Sunday Funday" at the bar so I'm confused if it is related to his drinking or if he has other issues? I know he has really bad gas/stomach issues which I have heard can be related to drinking too much but I'm trying to figure out if he was actually drunk when he came over because I was starting to feel optimistic about making our relationship work, especially when he mentioned he wanted to get help with his drinking.
Is losing control over your bowels a common side effect of drinking? And is it true that a permanent red nose is also a sign of drinking too much? I see several regulars at our local bar with huge red noses and I feel like my ex is on his way to getting one because it is always red compared to the rest of his face.
Part of me says that I was almost over him and I should just forget about this relationship but then another part wants to give him another chance. Thanks for listening.

Ladybug0130

Unless he is very elderly or had a recent bout of food poisoning, I'd say the pants crapping is due to alcoholic related stomach problems. Also, if it's not alcohol, don't you think your ex would want to get that take care of right away? I know if I was pooping my pants you couldn't get me to a doctor fast enough!

My ex complained of many stomach issues, he often had explosive diarrhea. I figured he just had a bad stomach. I noticed though, after he was in rehab and sober for 30 days, his lifetime of stomach problems magically went away, that is, until he started drinking heavily again.

wishingdreaming

Thanks, that is what I was afraid of but I guess I kind of wanted confirmation. Typing it all out kind of makes me realize how awful the situation is and you are right, if I had that problem even once I would want to either quit drinking or go to the dr. to get medication.
I keep wanting to believe that he's changing and feel so stupid that I actually fell for his lines again...I should have known he had been drinking but all the signs I usually look for (smell of alcohol, slurring of words, eyes looking kind of lifeless) weren't obvious.

artygirl

My ex always had terrible diarrhea the day after heavy drinking. It would get so bad that one time he had to stop the car and go behind the tree in the middle of winter with snow on the ground. Another time when we were walking home one evening from the fair ( he had nothing to drink that night), He went behind someones house. ( gross) He kept saying he needed to get his stomach issue checked out. He never did. Your EX may not have been drinking at the time you had your talk with him but I am sure he had been drinking an extreme amount in the 24 hrs. before. He probably has malabsorption problems. Many alcoholics are thin because they can't absorb food. This leads to malnutrition and other health issues. I am sure you don't want to play nurse maid.

Ponder

What screams at me about this whole scenario is him just standing there letting "it" run down his leg onto the carpet. Most normal peeps would be running to the bathroom on their own, not having to be forced into it. Very strange.

Pelican

Who cleaned the carpet?

Taking5

Please explain, if your ex was drinking then you should know he is not sober, regardless of appearances.

Yes a red nose is a sign of drinking, but not all drinkers get them, so don't let that fool you.

NYCDoglvr

Is this what you want for yourself? If so, continue. If not cut ties. Because there is nothing you can do or say that will affect his drinking.

SoaringSpirits

I recently read "Under The Influence" by James Milan and Katherine Ketcham, and it was very helpful in that it explained the physical effects of alcohol abuse in detail. It helped me make sense of some mysteries --- one of them being my AH's trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night, where he would have the runs. He attributed it to "bad food."

From Under The Influence: "As the scar tissue in the liver accumulate and ages, it also constricts, choking the blood vessels....When the blood can no longer circulate freely through the congested liver, the pressure created causes the small blood vessels in the head, face, and chest to rupture...." So there is one explanation for red nose/face in alcoholics. Am I the only one who looks at people with ruptured blood vessels in the face differently now? Yesterday, a guy came to give me an estimate for a fence, and I took one look at him and thought: Alcoholic.

The book also covers gastrointestinal issues related to alcohol use. Highly recommend you read this!

choublak

Wait a sec...that happened when he was at the bar and he just hung out at the bar with poopy pants for the rest of the night?

MyBetterWorld

"Wait a sec...that happened when he was at the bar and he just hung out at the bar with poopy pants for the rest of the night?"

ROFLMAO.

Tuffgirl

Good Lord. I just don't know what to say about this post, except to emphatically agree with LadyBug that if I was crapping my pants uncontrollably, I would be at the Dr. office ASAP. And if I ever saw my A crap his pants on my bedroom floor, I am not sure I could ever look upon him in the same light.

Good luck to you!

choublak

I'm just sayin'...something's wrong with that picture. Not even so much the bowel control problems, which can be a problem in some active alcoholics, no, what I find strange is that he pooped his pants in a bar and then told you about it...like a normal conversation. "I pooped my pants in the bar the other night." Also that he wasn't kicked out of the bar...how do people not smell that? If it was running down his legs in your room, I'm sure it was the same at the bar...what kind of bar is this?

I'm not even trying to be funny, it's just strange that he has absolutely no...what's the word I'm looking for...shame? Reservation? Part of the reason alcoholics hide bottles, they know it's bad and don't want anyone knowing. Or like, if an A pooped their pants but didn't tell anyone.

Opivotal

Okay my question is the same as Ponders...how do you just STAND in a room and poop on someones carpet?? I would have to blow up first, at the very least run as fast as I could. Probably right out the front door. Something is VERY wrong here.

I'd say, whatever your gut is telling you is probably true. If we just listen to our intuition and not try and make excuses, the answer is in front of us. Whenever my heart was involved, I usually ignored the signs...even though I really knew the truth.

I wish you the best wishingdreaming.

dollydo

I'd buy him a bag of adult pampers and send him on his way...Holy crap, what is there to reconsider?

Seren

What a horribly sad condition....what an incredibly dark place this man must inhabit. I can't begin to imagine the lies he tells himself let alone everyone else around him to get to this point.

I'm sorry you had to live through that, but I suppose you know, now, that he is still drinking. Information you can now use to make the best decision for yourself.

Hugs, HG

24Years

Now wait one minute...there are people, like myself, who because of their skin type may be mistaken to be an alcoholic...so don't be so quick to judge! I have rosy cheeks all the time and if I'm warm, most all of my face is red. If I have one alcoholic drink, I'm even redder. I even have several broken blood vessels on my face that have occurred with aging as I am a candidate for Rosacia due to my ethnicity...here's hoping I never get the full blown deal (sorry...not meaning to hijack the thread).

outtolunch

May we assume you are toilet trained?

( I am sorry. I could not resist.)

itsanewday2011

My ex would get diarrhea after using coke. So sorry - not a pretty situation.

BobbyJ

A subject I do understand, very well.....

A vision that has never left my head......

Thank You for refreshing my memory!