mazza

SO Im into my 6th week of sobriety..so far so good, handling it well until now..

I am attending a concert on Thursday night..no kids, and about 20 of my old drinking buddies I havnt seen for months. Some of them know I have quit, but the 'ringleader' of the group has already sent me a message saying 'You better have your drinkin boots on when you see me or there will be trouble'..EEK.

SO then I start the self talk..Ive done so well, surely one night wont hurt?!..my husband even said 'maybe just have light beer to shut everyone up about it'..

I dont know what to do.. for the first time I am starting to think I have control of my drinking and I could let go just one night but deep down I know thats a lie. I need to stay strong but this is going to be really really hard.

At the end of the day I WONT drink, but would like to hear suggestions of how people in similar situations have handled it

Thanks in advance..I CAN do this!!!

Dee74

I didn't go to concerts etc until I was sure I could handle anything and not be tempted.

I'm still glad I took those few months 'off' - it's been a great investment for my sobriety.

If you're going tho - I wouldn't go to a concert with someone who told me to 'have my drinking boots on or else' - thats a really boofhead attitude

You know why you're sober, and you know that it's the best choice for you.
You also know there's no such thing as 'a night off' if you're an alcoholic.

Noone can make you do anything you don't want to do
If you're going, stick with the people you trust to support and respect your healthy choices

D

vInDaLoO

E M P O W E R M E N T they have to drink

You dont !

Gerbosko

I wouldn't go if someone was going to pressure me to drink. If I already paid for this concert, I'd go but I'd make sure it was clear that I was not going to drink alcohol. People who push alcohol on others are trying to make you feel left out - They're poisoning their body and you're not and they'll be fumbling words and talking stupid before the nights over and you'll feel majorly uncomfortable.

If this is a band you really, really, REALLY want to see - I'd go and just focus on the band. I'd be up close so I couldn't hear the spew of drunken talk and I'd make sure that I got there right before the band started and not an hour before.

It's up to you in the end though.

Animal454

Sounds like you have made up your mind to not drink. That is a great attitude.
I would think that if they are friends they will understand and support you.
I know that when ever I was at a party (or whatever) and when someone let it be known that they do not drink, I had a whole new level of respect for them and if there was someone that continued to pressure them, I would step in and speak up for the person that chose to not drink.
Hopefully it will be the same for you.

Have fun!!!!

copperfield

just stand up for yourself and how good you are feeling!!!! and rock that concert!!! and even better is that you will remember it the next day!!!!!!!!!

least

That 'ringleader' sounds like a bossy bozo - I'd tell him your boots aren't drinkin' boots but asskickin' boots... with his name on the heels...

If you must go, stay sober for yourself and damn the rest of them if they try to pressure you into drinking. You are your own boss, not them!

Sparkydog

Some of your friends are probably jealous of your decision to stop drinking, stay sober and you will be so proud of yourself at the end of the evening, I went to a bar the other night to see one of my all time favorite musicians, Pat Travers, some guys at the table next to me were getting hammered making asses of themselves, I thought, how embarrassing, is that how people saw me when I was drinking, Pat was awesome by the way, so glad I went. I had a couple tonics with lime they were delicious. And free, I left a big tip. Go have a good time and dont let anyone bully you, you have changed you life for the better and they know it.

littlefish

Wow, that is so not supportive. I really haven't encountered anyone in my recovery who has given me that kind of message. I guess if it were me I would send a message back that no, I won't be drinking and I would like some support.

As so many have pointed out here from their experiences, it is often those who have a problem themselves who try to push the drinks on us.

At the end of the day, I have noticed that most people don't give a hoot what I drink, or if I drink: that is a normal reaction.

keithurbanfan

As odd as it may seem, I never drank at concerts. The reason: not wanting to stand in line for the bathroom! Think about that and maybe it will help keep you strong! Good luck and enjoy!

Peter G

I've been in exactly the same situation early in my sobriety. Even had a beer bought for me and put in my hands. I passed the beer off to my wife. Lucky beer is not my drink of choice, because had that been a shot of Jack or Grey Goose I'd have relapsed right then and there, no doubt.

In retrospect I can say with full confidence that it was dumb for me to go, even though it was a band I have wanted to see since my childhood (Deep Purple) along with the guitar player (Steve Morse) being one of my favorites... Had I known the risk then I would have given away the tickets in a heart beat.

IMO you should opt out. Fake illness if you must, pretend you need emergency root canal or something. Full stop. Especially since the folks going are already taunting you to drink. Up to you of course, but early on in sobriety these 'tests' are not healthy, they are dangerous. If you do go, keep it close and remember that you're only 6 weeks in and still vulnerable.

BTW, folks saying "be prepared for drinking or else" are knuckleheads, which puts you at further risk. Sorry if they're your friends, but straight up, that is absolutely uncool.

Lionne

Hi mazza,
I think the fact that makes this situation dangerous is not that it is a concert, but that you will go there with people who will likely try to talk you into drinking. The message you got is already putting you under pressure. Honestly, even if you made up your mind about not drinking, it's pretty early to put yourself into such a stressful and potentially triggering situation, especially without any supportive friends to accompany you. If you decide to go, maybe you can take a supportive friend? Just think about it, how much can you enjoy the music and the atmosphere if you have to deal with people who are nagging you the whole evening and and that are getting drunk?

I went to a lot of concerts fairly early in recovery, but I always went with people that were non-drinkers or supportive occasional drinkers (who most of the time wouldn't even drink during concerts either). I wouldn't have been able to go with people who were getting hammered. Either i would have joined them in their drinking antics or it would have hit to close to home watching them getting drunk and embarassing themselves and it would have made me feel bad. I think with whom you take part in social events is very important in early sobriety, at least for me it was. If you don't feel safe enough, cancel the concert. It's a little "sacrifice" compared to putting your sobriety at jeopardy.
And from my own experience, those people who are not just drinking buddies but real friends will stick around anyways. They'll have no issue if you don't drink with tem and will still enjoy your company, an d they'll keep in touch even if you don't attend every event.
Take care, and good luck, you can do this

Mark75

I go to as many concerts as I can now... And I like jam bands, and we all know what happens there, LOLOLOL

It was not as hard as I thought it would be, but I attend most concerts with my wife who never drinks out, no matter what the event... I go to some with my son who is 23 and he'll have a couple of beers, but no big deal...

Like Dee, I waited until I was ready... I like going and staying sober, and surprisingly , I like it better, really!!

Leave your drinking boots at home, or stay at home.

LegalLady

I myself in the beginning did not put myself in places like that, however, I'll tell you what. When you go and don't drink and actually remember the concert, I bet you'll think its the best concert ever. I used think I had a great time at a concert when drinking, however, I could not tell you what songs they played or who opened for them or how long they played or anything. I can tell you I complained about the price of the beer. ha. Anyway, When you go to an event sober, you'll be suprised what you all missed when you were drunk. Good luck in whatever choice you decide to make.

PaleMale

People, places, things...

Sounds like a real challenge to me. One thing I have found is that when I get pressured by active alcoholics to drink, I have to give up my anonymity and say point blank, "I'm an alcoholic, and my doctor said if I don't quit drinking, I'll die... And YOU can drink me under the table!"

Another thing I've found, is that a number of things I enjoyed while drinking, were not actually very fun, and were only excuses to drink with abandon. It's still pretty early IMO, to hang out with a bunch of drunken active alkies who will pressure you drink. You should probably have some phone numbers and call a sober friend minutes before, during a bathroom break and right after the show.

Good luck. Personally, I would give my ticket away.

Cardio

How close are you to "drinking boots?" I would possibly reach out to him or her and be straight about the fact that you don't drink anymore and you need him to back off. If he continues to be an a$$ I would not go to the concert. Or, if I did go, I would constantly refer to him as "drinking boots" all night long. Actually, I might call him "drinking booties" and ask him if he wanted to put his alcohol in a bottle with a nipple and if he needed his blankie too. (*snicker*)

You could also reach out to other friends who are going (and who know you don't drink anymore) and let them know that you are hoping for their support. You don't care if they drink, but you hope that they don't pressure you to join in because you are an alcoholic.

Good luck!

copperfield

I say kick him in the family jewels with your drinking boots!!! You go mazza!!!

Mersault

I guess it's different for everyone, but only in as much as it's the same. I agree that this cat "pussnboots" is not a character likely to hold you up in your quest for sobriety. If that is indeed the case is it worth the investment to keep him in your friend circle? No shortage of people in this fine world, and lots of sober ones to keep time with. I find I'm way more into music when I'm sober. It's one of the things my oldest son noticed straight away as I cleaned up, we were sharing music again. It's awesome being clean. Keep up the great work and I think you'll find this show might be the best one you've seen in years.

YVRguy

I too have had friends who really do not understand alcoholism at all and while they never phrased it like your friend did , they have kept pushing alcohol my way. These were not alcoholic friends and somehow they think , even after I tell them I am an alcoholic , I can have one or two. They are moderate drinkers with the odd episode of excess but not alcoholic.

My last relapses have been at my own hand for some strange reason and it was not the pressure from friends to drink that started things. I do know it can be really tough so you may want to choose to skip this concert if your unsure if you deal with that pressure or if you do go , have a plan and be prepared to be assertive. I have trouble being assertive most of the time but when it comes to drinkign , I am getting better at saying "No" to pressure from others. Now I need to work on saying "No" to my inner alcoholic voice when it starts pushing me towards problem....


Stay strong what ever you choose , you are making a good decision to stop drinking. True friends will support you!

Muunray

Since I quit drinking, how I attend concerts has changed a little for sure. Used to drink before, during, and often afterwards.
Now, of course depending on the venue and things, I bring a backpack with snacks in it. We kind of went overboard at the last concert (Uproar Festival) we went to - we took pb sandwiches, beef jerky, and some taffy. So essentially we only bought water and pop..which is expensive enough.
I guess if you really are concerned and really want to stay sober, don't put yourself into any situation you have qualms about.
Being sober at concerts is tons of fun - of course people watching is almost as fun as the music!