Costadelmar

After years of heavy drinking almost daily I've decided enough is enough. I'm watching my relationship with my GF fail (if it hasn't already), my career is being sidetracked and most importantly I'm not being the type of father I want to be to my daughter. I'm at a crossroads and I can see if I don't do something to change my behavior I'll lose everything. I'm very blessed to a wonderful family and a good lifestyle but the writing is on the wall if I don't quit for good. I pick up my prescription for Antabuse tomorrow I know I can get through the night tonight without a drink. My last drink was around 3pm yesterday I was extremely hungover and tired from the night before but I'll take a sleeping pill if I have to for tonight. Also, I'll be starting therapy with an addiction therapist. Just started a daily journal as well. I have read a lot of the posts on the forum and there seems to be a lot of good advice here, like having an active lifestyle etc to keep your mind busy or in some cases meditate to stay relaxed.

My hands were shaking this morning and I have felt extreme anxiety throughout most of the day. Not sure what else to expect but I noticed sweat on my forehead when I was eating lunch. After I was done nothing so not sure if there's a correlation there or not. I'm nervous and a little scared but I feel so determined, the antabuse is contingent to keeping me honest.

If there is anything else that people have found helpful in their road to recovery please let me know. I did try AA years ago several times and it is so not for me.

Almost finished with the first day of the rest of my life, I know it's going to get more difficult just gotta stay focused. It seems at some point days or weeks from now things will get easier just have to keep telling myself that.

copperfield

Welcome to SR!

instant

I do not go to AA, but I found the BIg Book (free online) very useful. I also recommend doing the free course on Rational Recovery on AVRT. SR is invaluable, our daily support thread got me through.

Wishing you peace

Dee74

Hi Costadelmar

Here's a link to some of the main players (including AA) :

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I'd encourage you to at elast look through the links and get a sense of what's available for support - and, as Instant said, you'll also find a lot of support and ideas here

Welcome
D

tanja

Costa,

Congratulations on Day 1! Cognitive Behavior Therapy might be a good tool to use. Dr. David Burns has written several excellent books on this topic. I have found that my negative thinking nearly always leads me to drinking. It sounds like you have good starting plan.

We are here to support you

06yz125

Good Job on decieding to make a new life for youself.

Use every resource you can.

sissy07

Congratulations on your plan for sobriety! It appears that you have really thought it out and are giving it your best shot. Please continue posting and let us know how you are doing. Positive energy is being sent to you! Take care.

Costadelmar

Thanks everyone for your feedback and support. Today is day two gotta admit last night was difficult I lost my girlfriend but she said she will support me and remain friends so that's something. I'm determined to make this journey alcohol free. I'm not sure that I'll be able to offer much support to others until I get to a point where things become easier. Also, I'm worried about what to expect regarding withdrawals I took a zanix last night to help with the extreme anxiety I was feeling last night it really seemed to help. I'm keeping up with my journal and will be picking up my anatabuse prescription today.

My birthday is this Saturday and I've been invited to several Halloween parties I'm really at a crossroads do I stay home and feel sorry for myself or do I go out and be around friends. The problem is I know there will be a lot of drinking, I know if I take Antabuse I won't drink but it really seems like it could wind up being depressing either way. My ex will be in the keys (I live in Florida) so I will truly be alone if I don't go out just not sure what to do. I know I don't want to be lonely on my birthday but I also know it may be awkward watching everyone drink and not drinking. I know that my friends will accept that I don't drink but it's been so ling since I've been out in public without drinking I'm afraid I might have forgotten how to act

paulo

It might seem a wierd idea to go to a party and not drink, but if your friends understand like you think they will, then maybe use that to your advantage to get over that first awkward social occasion.

You know you won't be able to drink on the Antabuse, so it's not an option. I'm sure you'll find that the reality is not half as bad as what you fear it might be. I'm sure your friends will respect you even more than they do now.

Cardio

First, welcome and congratulations on making it to day two

I wouldn't go to the parties this weekend. I would make a plan to do something else both nights and sunday afternoon. My first weekend I went to a function at my kids school (no alcohol there) and the next night I went to dinner with a friend at an alcohol free restaurant and then went to a movie. Sunday afternoon I went for a nice long run with my sister in law.

Do you have friends who could spend time with you this weekend? What about your child? Maybe you could take him or her out with you and do something together. Whatever you do, make a plan now and start looking forward to it.

keithurbanfan

Welcome and congrats on your decision. I think you'll find much support here at SR.

You don't mention the age of your daughter, but if possible, why don't you do something with her this weekend to celebrate your birthday? Go out and do something you wouldn't normally do if you were to spend your weekend drinking with friends.

Good luck!

freshstart57

CostadelMar, you are me. I came to my 'crossroads' on Aug. 22 of this year.

If you click on my name beside this post, you can see my journey from then to today (I also am not an AAer). It will probably make more sense if you start at my first post on the last page.

If you feel like you would like to discuss this some more with me, send me a PM. Now is the time to get this show on the road, buddy.

ttbp

Well done on day 1 x

Costadelmar

Thanks again everyone, regarding my daughter she's 7 but it's her mother's weekend plus I noticed I'm somewhat agitated and a little irritable and I don't want to be that way around her. I was hoping that by the time I'm with her over the next several days things will be much more settled. From everything I've been reading the physical effects last from one week to 10 days I understand the emotional and psychological effects can take much longer. So we'll see I guess I should be thankful that I have options. I'll figure it out. Just got my appointment with my therapist for next week so all set there. So far this things are going well. I realize I have not been truly tested yet but that's what I have the antabuse for...here's to finishing out the day...SOBER

humblestudent

Actually, it's going to get easier...honestly, it will, and probably sooner than you think.:day6

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Costadelmar

This is somewhat therapeutic posting daily as my journey progresses. But it's day 3 and I woke up more invigorated than I've felt in years. I will say I've been taking 500mg of (leftover from my divorce) Xanax each day when I get home from work, anxiety seems to be my biggest issue and the Xanax seems to knock it out almost entirely. I know Xanax can be habit forming so I plan to start cutting down as soon as the anxiety starts to fade during the day. I certainly don't want to trade one addiction for another. I only have one pill left and just placed an order for an additional 30 my goal is to not come close to using that amount but again just to help me in the initial phase of W/D. I'm actually looking forward to this weekend, I've decided to attend 2 Halloween costume parties I will make sure to take an Antabuse before I head out, I'm curious what it's going to be like observing others drinking. I hoping for some entertainment. If it gets to be too much I'll just go home as I have opted to go by myself. Some of the people I will see are lifelong friends and have recently stopped drinking as well (albeit temporary for diet reason etc, unlike me in which this is a permanent change) so I don't anticipate any peer pressure. The Antabuse will keep me from taking a drink I've read how sick people can get. I like to face my fears head on I've always been afraid of heights so I did the following to help me get over that: Repelled off a cliff, repelled out of a helicopter, flown in a helicopter with the doors open (every chance I got) went sky-diving and rock climbing. I'm am now able to deal with heights while it's always uncomfortable it's not unmanageable. So I want to be able to look at my fear of heights like I look at my addiction to alcohol the Antabuse initially will be my parachute but I need to be able to be in situations where it's around and get to the yes uncomfortable but manageable phase.

Costadelmar

My Company is heading over to Tavern which we do every quarter after recognition meetings it's 4:20 they always pay for free beer. It sounds so good right now but I'm going to go straight home as I don't have any Anabuse and it seems my mind keeps trying to trying to justify why I should go. I'm sweating a little and feeling much more downbeat than when I woke up this morning. So what would be the best part of my day really feels like the worst part of my day

Dee74

You'll be really glad tomorrow you made the right choice Costadelmar

D

sobernan

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

I love that line , it sums up the reasons I have stopped drinking .
I was loosing 5 hours a day doing nothing but get drunk while looking at the telly . Not much fun for my sober partner .
Its day 4 now and I will never have another drink . I have too many things to do !
Thanks all , I'll be a regular here .
Sobernan