30Sober

Life is full of ups and downs, when you quit drinking what did you do to get through the rough spots? I tend to have a very short fuse and up until recently I would use alcohol as a crutch to escape feeling the pain of a potentially bad situation.

Someone upset me today and my first thought was to go and get wasted. I mean, even people who are not alcoholics tend to do that if they hear bad news. I definitely didn't give in to these thoughts but it has highlighted that I may be lacking a suitable coping mechanism. One that can replace the booze. Or maybe I just need to learn to ride out the bad times and not look for an instant way to escape? Each day seems to be a new challenge but I am not giving up.

Sparkydog

I replaced alcohol with life, meaning alcohol is a self induced fog you put yourself in to avoid life. Yes sometimes lifes situations are difficult and stressful but with a clear head you can analyze ,adapt, and overcome. I use my brain as my coping mechanism, the good side not the dumb side.

Gerbosko

I haven't had any "rough spots" yet, but I've had cravings. I keep a jug of water near me and that's been helping so very much! Whenever I have a craving, I drink water or go outside and do something to take my mind off it. Just keep in mind that booze does nothing to help a situation, even after you drink and inevitably pass-out drunk, you wake up and the problem still exists.. The only thing you solved was draining your bank account, acting stupid, then waking up with the same problem or possibly several more problems.

SSIL75

While this is certainly true for me, also.. in retrospect the main reason I drank was because I liked the feeling of it. And so to that end I often exaggerated life traumas so support my overriding goal of getting wasted as often as possible Now that may not be true for you but I mention it in case you feel like 'real life' will be unmanageable. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think

As for how I deal.... I am very conscious that exhaustion is a huge trigger for me to . So if I have a worry after 8pm I make myself shelve it until the next morning and I GO TO BED.

I call friends to suggest we go for coffee.

I order more Netflix

I drink more Starbucks.

I create more structure/rhythm to our day (I have 3 small children which is inherently chaotic and chaos is a huge trigger for my anxiety).

I say YES to most most every social invitation.

I force myself to think of 10 things I am grateful for. Number 1 is always "I am sober".

Great topic!

24hrsAday

for me i really think my A.A. meetings have made the most difference in helping to change my Attitude. i have many times gone to them in a foul mood only to leave feeling 100% better!

Threshold

This is the first post I checked into this morning, and it's a great one.

I used..fill in the blank....as a NON coping mechanism. I wouldn't even grace my using with the term "crutch" because I wasn't trying to get up and muscle on and just needed a bit of help, I was trying to numb myself and run from my situations.

For me, replacing alcohol, drugs, etc with something else didn't address the situation. I was still left with a life that felt overwhelming and I was still in terror, treating symptoms but not the disease.

At first, simply NOT using was a worthy goal. But pretty soon afterwards I realized that I needed to do more than not use. I wasn't really keen on spending my life missing my Drugs of Choice. It was/is sort of like losing any significant relationship in life, there is a grieving process. My using was an unhealthy relationship and I want to make sure that I don't jump from one unhealthy relationship into another.

So, I gave up the idea of replacing one thing for another once I got past the early stage. It was critical for about 8 weeks to just have a list of things to do INSTEAD of use. But past that I needed a new game plan, to build a life that was not empty. I really saw, for the first time, how much time and energy went into my using, when I saw how much I had on my hands when I stopped.

Life, like water, seeps in to fill the void. I prefer to make choices as to what sort of people and activities I invite into my life. At first the options, the free space feels frightening. Having friends in recovery here, helps a lot. People to hold my hand as I build a full and rich life.

No one can tell another person, ultimately, what they will find fulfilling in their lives, but we come here to share what our own experience has been, and to bounce ideas off one another.

For me, replacing didn't work, I needed an overhaul. And whenever we tear down a structure to put up a new one, there's going to be a lot of dust, pitfalls, unexpected snags and work involved. I'm in that stage, and honestly wonder, many a day why I am doing this. I think "things couldn't have been THAT bad..maybe I'll just go back" but of course they WERE that bad and getting worse.

Or I peer into the future and can't see through the dust how it's going to look, and for sure I have no idea how it's going to feel. But I remember how many thousands of times I stepped out on faith using. Took this, tried that, drank until I was senseless not knowing if or where I'd wake up tomorrow. The good people here tell me that it will be better on the other side, so I keep going.

I've been in recovery for two and a half years, in twelve step for two, clean from my last relapse for five months. I have learned a lot. The past few weeks have been really frightening for me, but I am not using. Not using has not made them harder to get through, and in spite of the pain and fear I am moving forward. THAT is recovery.

least

It took me a few months of just being 'dry' to realize I was missing something, something important to my well being. Then it hit me - I was missing gratitude! I replaced drinking with being grateful for all my blessings. What a huge difference! I am now contentedly sober, as opposed to being miserably dry.

YVRguy

Hmmm life on life's term and one day at a time come to mind for me as thoughts when things get sour in life.

I don't expect life to this new bowl of cherries just because I stop using. What I know is , using won't make bad situation worse and most of these things pass in time. Some will be life events like the passing of family or friends but drinking won't bring them back either.

From my window on the past , when did drinking help solve a problem or turn bad into good for me? Well the answer is never and usually it made things worse.

I think Least had something key , gratitude. If the situation I think is that bad , maybe I should consider how fortunate I am. For me I think about the two kids I sponsor in the third world and that helps me realize I have no problems at all in comparison.


Take care

30Sober

Wow, that's exactly how I feel at the moment. Who knew a day had 12 hours of productive activity to it? It's mind blowing how much time I wasted in an alcoholic haze, stuck and going nowhere at all. I can never get that time back but I can use my future time a hell of alot better.

SoberRightNow

This is the key for me really. There are many new ways of learning to cope with problems without drinking, but no healthy ways give the "instant relief" that getting hammered does.

So, for me, I guess it is about learning to accept bad feelings at the time and be patient while I resolve the problems that are causing them. I'm too used to having an instant solution.

SomethingBetter

It’s human nature to get upset at times, we need to replace bad habits with good ones, the last couple times I got upset and needed to ‘walk away’ I wanted to go get booze, I’ve replaced this with a trip to the store but I don’t buy booze, I buy candy or an energy drink or even milk, by the time I get to the store I have calmed down enough and all is ok, but I allow that ‘trip’ to the store to continue but change the things I buy.

GettingStronger2

i "replaced" alcohol with enlarging my spiritual life.

ZenJen

Ah yes, coping. Somthing I used drinking for to completely avoid doing. Instead, I'd just get numb from the alcohol.

The thing about life is... we don't HAVE to be comfortable all.the.time. It's not some awesome right that we are supposed to be entitled to.

Instead, it's important to realize that without letting ourselves actually acknowledge and cope with discomfort, negative feelings, being upset, etc, then we wouldn't have any way to FULLY feel and appreciate comfort, postive feelings, being content, etc.

As far as the sober gift of time? Oh man, there's so, so much available to us, it's almost laughable. Reading, walking/running, biking, visiting places or people, creating (drawing, music, jewelery, any kind of "art"), all kinds of stuff online - especially wonderful places like SR , picking up a TV series that's been recommended to you but you were always too drunk to remember to get into (thank you hulu and netflix!)... the list could go on and on.

Congrats on your sober time! And keep on coming back!

onlythetruth

I replaced alcohol with chocolate, exercise, reading, and living my life.

Best trade I ever made.

Mark967

I can say that personally for me, exercise is huge. Of course it is good for you, but it releases natural feel better chemicals from your brain. Very important (for me personally) for getting through the rough patches that come in life. I have been doing it long enough in my recovery now that I can "tell" when I am not exercising enough to get the benefits. Seems to help with my stress levels too.

Be well.

CaiHong

Good thread,

SSl175, I hope I 've spelt your name correctly. Yes i am the same, I drank for the high, an elevated mood. Yesterday I was so craving that mood. I kept saying to myself, you can have a drink in a few hours, meanwhile eat and drink something. I always drank on an empty stomach, so that helped the craving a lot. I worked hard yesterday and felt I needed a "reward". I am now planning an overnight trip, to attend AA meetings, buy books and a guilt free gift to myself. To be honest if I could have a guilt free bender I would prefer that but I know I can't (still not convinced), so I keep reading this forum and with the help of other people's experience one day the craving will leave completely.

There is more routine in my life, household chores are more of a pleasure and get done.
I have a gardening project in mind, to install a water fountain and start growing seedlings.
I think the need to create is a strong one in us all, to produce something new that is our creation is probably the best way to "fill in " the time.

All the best to everyone
CaiHong

soberred

I replaced alcohol with peace, life, and love for myself.

Cardio

It's only been a week for me, but in the short term and practical sense, I've replaced alcohol with running and lemon tea with honey. Seriously.

At around 4 or 5pm I feel like ****. Anxious and irritable. So, I go out for a run just before then and it makes a huge difference.

When I'm cooking and I would have had a glass of wine I pour myself some lemon tea w/ honey.

Those are my two immediate needs/habits that I address each day with positive replacements.

The more esoteric and philosophical thoughts about what I need will come later. Right now, I'm just changing my habits, which feels just as important.

stugotz

Happiness.