sark

Today would have been my 16th day but I ended up blowing it today. I drank a margarita when i knew I should have not. I felt so much shame after I drank it. Does this mean I count tommorrow as my day one again? I am so bummed. I worked so hard these few weeks. I dont even know what I was thinking.

I did go an 8 pm AA meeting because my mind started to think what the heck i messed up already so finish the day drinking. The meeting helped so now I am home depressed that I messed up. I dont know how many times I can go through these cycles. I have supportive friends and i am so scaired they are going to give up on me. Staying sober is hard work emotionally and physically what do you do when it all goes down the drain because of one stupid mistake?

Dee74

We can think in some pretty black and white ways sometimes - but I don't think it all goes down the drain - if you think about it, I'm sure you've learned things and accomplished stuff over the last 15-16 days...we don't lose that...unless we choose to.

I'm glad you decided to get some help and to come back here - I think that definitely shows some growth

D

copperfield

hey sark - its great that you only had one and recognized the guilt and recognized that you felt bad and was thinking to just keep drinking cuz you had started but instead you went to an AA meeting - that is awesome!!! I think the positive of this situation completely out weighs the negative!!!!

seethroughblue

I would still count today as day 16, tomorrow day 17 and so on. You made a minor mistake, you realized it and you sought to make things right. And u did!!! Just keep reminding yourself all the reasons you quit drinking.

Peter G

Counting time is the one thing I despise about recovery programs. It's also the thing that irks me about AA, or at least some of the folks there who consider it so bloody important.

I count time, but I do it differently. I relapsed a few times now on my quest for sobriety. 13 + months and a 10 day relapse, 4 months after that and a 9 day relapse. I consider this as being 529 sober days - days where I was being productive, helpful, and active in recovery - and 19 days where I was tanked and useless. Those numbers, considering my lifetime of drinking myself to death, constitute a bloody good record IMO.

Progress not perfection amigo. I've said it before, perfection is applicable only to God, the 1969 Camaro, and Fender Stratocasters made in the USA. Everything else in this world, including us drunks, is fallible.

This thing we take on, which is both critically important and life changing, it is anything but easy. As long as you're not bummed out about your slip enough to continue slipping, chalk it up as necessary progress in your overall goal to beat alcohol and stay sober.

CaiHong

I agree with Copeerfield on this, you stopped at one and went to a meeting,all power to you. I would have made a night of it.
All the best
CaiHong

SSIL75

The trick with a 'minor' relapse or 'slip' IMO is to stop the voice that tells you that you can do it every day/week/month

I'm glad you made it back. The only reason I would 'restart' the clock would be because 16 straight days with no alcohol will make you feel differently than 15 and a relapse. But honestly I'm not madly into counting days to begin with.

Anna

Honesty is the foundation of recovery.

debsam

Hi Sark,

I had a few "slips" like that, dusted myself off and fought and got back on track. Sounds like you did that pretty quick by going to a meeting. Good for you. Keep going Sark...for me it was KEY that I learned from this in order to stay focused.

sugarbear1

I lied to myself about continuous time, or didn't drink but smoked weed. That only led to bad feelings & worse relapses (long term). Today I stay honest & true to myself. I sleep well.

You "view it" any way you'd like.

Opivotal

Hi sark....I'm so happy you didn't go into a full blown relapse. All is not lost...you caught yourself, stopped and went to a meeting. I'd say you've picked up some tools to help you in your goal to maintain sobriety.

I agree with Anna...honesty is what kept me sober. Dishonesty with myself or others will lead me to a relapse. Thanks for coming here and being truthful. That takes courage. Don't ever give up on yourself...you can do this and we're here to support you. Your friends will see your effort and hopefully if they are "good" friends will stick by you.



Best Wishes To You!

YVRguy

I am no sure how one counts or measures things , I guess its personal. I would consider this a victory Sark as you knew right away to stop and find another path versus going further. I would not view this as failure or beat yourself up about it but view it as a learning experience and you did make the right choices.

I have yet to meet one person who is in recovery who had a smooth road. This was a bump , its gone and today is today. Work on now and today because thats all we have.

Have a good 24

Threshold

Great job on catching yourself and getting right back into the solution.

As far as AA goes, if you pick up chips for clean time, you have to start over again. Those chips represent consecutive days of not drinking (if I am wrong someone please correct me) and out of respect for that program, and the newcomers in the room, don't receive chips under any understanding other than the one represented in the rooms.

All your recovery isn't lost or worthless because of this slip. You did a great thing to stop at one, recognize your frame of mind, get to a meeting, then come here for more input and support. That is GROWTH all over the place. When a newcomer comes to a meeting, that is what they need to hear, honesty. That yup, sometimes we stumble, then we get up, get back. And that people DO wrack up clean time, a day at a time. And that time is because people get up and get back. Both seeing people with years of time, and people with days of time and people who got a white chip two days ago and are getting one today, all help us recover. All that honesty gives us hope.

So, I do think that when it comes to AA you follow their understanding of clean time.

I do the same regarding NA, in my own head, I don't count days. Counting days is counter productive for me. I can tell you my clean date, and use my fingers to figure out an aprox number of days, but I have no clue of my number of days in my head.

I sort of live my recovery in three day chunks. I look at the past two days and today, my frame of mind, my behavior, whether or not I am sticking to my program, meeting my life responsibilities etc. Am I moving in the right direction or the wrong one.

That is what works for me in my personal recovery.

People have told me that I am being selfish to not count days and go up for "chips" because the newcomers need to see that. I do understand that , but I am in recovery for me first, and right now that is what I need to do.

I hope that by growing in recovery I will get to a point where I can mark days and pick up chips and have it not phase me in one direction or the other. Till then, I keep on with my step work and living life on life's terms.

Do you have a sponsor yet?

sark

I feel a little better now that I have read your posts. I thought about and am amazed that i did not just give in again like i have in the past. I have not had a drink since so I will move on.

I have not found a sponser yet. I cant seem to find someone I am not comfortable with. I do have a friend that said she would be my sponsor but she has never been an alchoholic and is not familiar with the steps. Right now i have been calling her when I feel the urge to drink. Even though she has never been an alchoholic she seems to know what to say. Anyways hopefully I will connect with someone to help with the steps.

Taking5

A sponsor is someone who is an alcoholic or addict and has been through the steps. It is good that you can call your friend for support but she cannot be your sponsor in the AA sense of the word.

In terms of picking a sponsor, you should pick someone who you feel comfortable about their sobriety. Having said that, my sponsor has made me feel uncomfortable several times, but I needed it. My high school coaches made me feel uncofortable at times, as did my best teachers and mentors in my carreer. Feeling "comfortable" with your sponsor is way overrated, JMHO.

It is great that you did not give in, keep it up.

Peter G

You have a friend not familiar with being an alcoholic that you're using as a pseudo sponsor? Am I getting that right? Tell me Sark, when was the last time you went to a dentist for a case of stomach flu?

This is just MHO, but I'm thinking that someone not versed in your condition, one who has not experienced the change that comes as a result of the steps, they should be the last someone you should utilize as a surrogate mentor - while waiting for a sponsor you're comfortable with.

And BTW, the job requirement for your sponsor contains a few prerequisites... making you feel comfortable is NOT one of them. They are there to guide you through the steps, pulling you at times, prodding you when necessary, being a confidante other times ... hell... being a complete a$$hole to you when necessary. None-the-less they keep your forward momentum towards recovery and share wisdom that a normie will never have available to them, inherently. And a sponsor will do this, sometimes, in spite of yourself.

The goal of the 12 steps is to have you a content, happy, and joyful human being with NO alcohol. They can show you how to replace alcohol with a life worth living. Achieving that goal requires someone who knows what they are on about. Utilize your friends sure- for support, for a shoulder to cry on, even for a ride to your sponsor's house. But NOT as any sort of alternative to the work of AA. That's no better than me asking my local Harley mechanic to teach me transcendental meditation.

The process will be uncomfortable at times even if you find Ghandi as a sponsor. Plainly, there are aspects about sponsorship that neither you, I, or anyone else will be comfortable with - and that means absolutely nothing towards the process.

I'd say forget your prerequisites Sark, forget finding "the right sponsor", and get one who's worked the steps and has wisdom to impart. If you're not comfortable with them, fine. Make it a temporary situation until you find one that suits your requirements. Having said that, you might find that the person you are least comfortable with is exactly the person that should be helping you.

I'm not trying to offend amigo, but this is not knitting class Sark, and of course you know that. Alcoholism is deadly serious business. Don't short change yourself by assuming you know what's best. It was your own best thinking that put you in the position of being an out of control drunk, yes? Trust the process and get a sponsor ASAP. Comfortable? Comfort be damned. You need commitment now, faith and hope, and you need to make a leap into the unknown. Comfort has precious little to do with these things.

Just sayin'.

sugarbear1

The steps, as written, are an overview. There is so much more to them.

If you try the steps "off the wall" you'll get an off the wall program.

Raise your hand and ask for a sponsor.

freshstart57

There are a lot of supportive responses above, Sark, full of good wishes, encouragement and feelgood stuff. I have to ask some questions though. What did you learn from this tequila fiasco? Were the shame and guilt worth the experience? What are you going to do differently from now on?

The BQ (Big Question) for today is, What is your plan for your continued use of alcohol? Since these thoughts are fresh in your mind, now is the time to make that plan.

sark

Thank you all for your responses. Some of the comments were an eye opener.

What I learned from my slip is that I need to stay away from family and friends that drink until I am strong enough to say no. Its easier said than done though espicially with family. I have not figured out how to deal with the fact that most of my family members are drinkers. I already have intense lonliness since my husbands passing. I need my family right now. Isolating myself from them would be even more painful.

freshstart57

Sark, you have within you the answers you need. Dig down, and find that person who can commit to a better life, a happier life, a more serene life. She is there, and she needs to be found. She is ready.