mychaos

I have been reading the forum for a while. Started when my husband admitted a few months ago that he was addicted to pain meds and had been for around 4 years. He got treatment and is doing NA and seeing his therapist and psychiatrist. In reading here, I found out about codependency.

I am a text book codie. I got Codependent No More and read it in 24 hrs. It was like a lightning bolt struck me. My RAH knows I was reading it. I explained that I am working my own program.

My question is...Has anyone let their RAH read Codependent No More to show why were (hopefully were) the way we were? Like the controlling, screaming, threatening. I have read so much about why he is the way he is. Would it be helpful to educate him on my problem just like I learned about addiction? He is actually very happy that I am focusing on myself and doing things for myself.

Ann

Welcome to SR, I'm glad you joined us.

I am also glad you read that book and if he is interested it may help him too, not just to understand you but the truth is, many addicts and alcoholics are also codependent. We have several "double winners" right here (AA or NA and Al-anon). Many codependents pick up alcohol or drugs to cope, others, like me, just become neurotic and exhausted trying to save the world.

Stick around, read the sticky posts at the top of this forum, there is so much good stuff there that may help too.

Again, welcome to where you are among friends who understand because we have been where you are.

Hugs

Taking5

As an alcoholic, I first went to AA and got my recovery started. My sponsor had me go to a couple of alanon meetings and I did read codependent no more. IMHO it helped me, but I am not sure it would have had I not gone to AA and read the Big Book first.

I think his interest in it is a good sign, again just MHO.

dollydo

Many addicts are also codies, so, if he wants to read the book, why not?

In the meantime apply what you have learned to your day to day living. Also read all the
stickies at the top of this forum, lots of information at your fingertips.

Welcome, keep posting it will help!

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR....I'm glad you found us. This is a great forum full of wonderful, supportive people.

Do I think it would be helpful if addicts/alcoholics read Codependent No More? Absolutely. Can we make them do it? Nope.

I often wonder if my son would benefit from the "anon" side of the program and I do believe he would.....but that is for him to discover in his time.

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

He does not need your permission.

mychaos

Thank you everyone. I have learned so much by reading here. He doesn't jump out to me as being codependent at all. As much as he loves the changes he has seen already, he says they are taking a little getting used to. I am not as bossy. He likes just taking care of things without me telling him what to do.

outtolunch - Thank you for pointing that out. You can tell I am still working on it.

Impurrfect

(((mychaos))) - welcome to SR! I'm one of those that (((Ann))) mentioned...codie-to-the-core and picked up drugs to deal with it. I'm in recovery for both. Not all A's (addicts/alcoholics) ARE but there's quite a few of us who got into recovery for addiction only to find out we were codies, too.

(((OTL))) had a good point..he doesn't need permission, if the book is there and he wants to read it he can just pick it up. FWIW, it took me time to get to where I wasn't worried about someone else and COULD focus on me.

A's are addicted to some substance, we codies can be addicted to another person and/or trying to save the world. SR has been a huge help in my seeing how I was and where I wanted to be in relationships.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

hope213

welcome to S.R. to answer your question if he wants to read it i think it is wonderful. grow together!!!

outtolunch

Takes one to know one and we are all works in progress. Peace.