bozboz

I'm on day 9. I never noticed until maybe, my 6th day, that I am surrounded by people who drink. I get off work, my roommates are drunk.
I call anyone of my friends to see if they want to do something, and they have already been drinking.
I go out to dinner last night, and my friend (who said she would not be drinking around me) had 7 mai tai's in an hour and a half.
Everywhere I go, I am surrounded. Even this morning, I got to work, there was a homeless man, brown-bagging it. It's ridiculous!
I am happy that I am on my 9th day. I am.
It just sucks that everyone in my life, whom I love, drinks.

Just venting, so if you made it this far, thanks for reading.

omenapt

i am the only one that i know that drinks like I do and it has been a very "private affair" My family only has wine on special occasions, my partner rarely drinks and my co-workers rarely mention it. thats why AA helped me, as i thought i was all alone in this mess!

soberwingz

Congrats on 9 days. I know for me early on my awareness of others drinking was very strong. I think it kinda goes with the territory of choosing to be sober. It was the same way when I quit smoking a couple of years ago. I just try to stay focused and to remember the unhealthy relationship I had with alcohol.Im on day 20 and it does seems to get easier with each passing day. However, I know many challenges await me down the road.

Good luck and thanks for sharing.

Aegian

Someone you know drank 7 mail tais in 90 minutes? At dinner? I am ashamed that the bar/restaurant didn't flag them.

Congrats on 9 days! You may need to think about a change of surroundings for a few weeks until you get a bit further into recovery. I had to do that too in order to not feel like I was surrounded by alcohol everywhere I turned.

YVRguy

Day 14 for me and luckily my wife rarely drinks and we chatted last night that since our kids came along , Friday nights are more for rest than a "party" so kind of lucky I can avoid places where people drink.

I did notice the smell of beer on a colleague this morning though and wow , I bet I was stinking it up bad 3 weeks ago. Vodka is still alcohol and it still stinks when you use it.

Also lucky that any bar or place to buy is at least 10 minutes to walk to and I know in the past I have started off and half way there the light came on and turned right back around. I won't drive to go get it if that all I am getting and won't drive if I have used.

What does sometimes grate me at times is trying to watch a game on TV and endless beer and liquor ads but a DVR is very handy so I can skip over them. Beer ads can sometimes be comical and I often think "Ya beer did make an a$% out of me a lot of times. just like these people"

And wow 7 drinks in 90 minutes is prety fast , hmm if they appear sober after that many units in that time sounds like a tolerance for drinks is there and I look back and that was an early sign of where I am today.

Hang in there , end a relationship is always tough and reminders are always around but 9 days free is a great thing!

aasharon90

The longer you stay sober your purpose in life
will also change. The longer you stay sober the
wider the distance there will be with the people
you would normally hang around with.

I noticed that when I got sober 21 yrs ago, those
so called friends I thought I had were still right
where I left them as I moved on in a healthier
more postive direction for myself in life.

With a program of recovery to follow and incorperate
in my everyday life, I have most definitely experienced
many postive changes.

If my family hadnt stepped in that very day back
in Aug. 1990, my life would have ended or I
would still be on that merry go round drunk
of a useless life.

I didnt want to lose my little family or be sent
away out of state to a halfway house, so I
chose to stay 28 days in rehab with a 6 week
outpatiant aftercare program attached. At
that moment in life I chose to do what ever
I needed to do to stay sober. Whatever it
took to stay sober.

And for the past 21 yrs, I continue on my path
of recovery sharing my own experiences, strengths
and hopes with those who are still sufffering with
addiction.

That has been my purpose in life to stay sober,
happy, joyous and free for a many one days at
a time since 8-11-90.

sugarbear1

So, you're now aware. What's your plan for staying stopped?

bozboz

Thank you all. It is not the temptation that is getting to me. Don't get me wrong, that is always there with or without my friends/family.
It's just that I don't know ANYONE who does not drink, except my therapist who I hate and adore at the same time.
It makes me mad, and at the same time it makes me sad. I know I have to leave behind all those who are stuck in the world, for which I am recovering from, but that is literally, every one I know. Even my own Mother. It just sucks, is all.

aasharon90

It does suck, but not for very long.

I was 30 yrs old when Family intervention
stopped me from drinking. And for that
im truely grateful.

I too had to leave behind my family, siblings,
parents, so call friends to become the person
I needed to be. A healthier happier freer person
with out addiction.

While all those folks r doing their thing in life,
Im being of service to help others who were
just like me 21 yrs ago. Its a way to give
them hope that yes there is life after alcohol
or drugs. A great happier freer wonderful
rewarding life.

I remarried, relocated back to my hometown,
have beautiful tattoos, got my motorcycle
indorsement and ride passanger with my
sober spouse taking some memorable trips
like to Daytona and Sturgis bike rallys and
the Grand Canyon as well as Mt Rushmore.

There's nothing like riding the open road
sober. Truely something we r blessed to
experience.

FT

Hi bozboz,

Hey, when I first got pregnant, I discovered that EVERY OTHER PERSON I passed on the street, in the mall, ANYWHERE, was also pregnant or had a baby with them! I'm not kidding!

Seriously, though, you will notice drinkers because you are hypersensitive right now.

Eventually, what you will start to notice how many non-drinkers there are in any setting. Almost NO one notices you are not drinking alcohol, except you. If they do, few care. If they DO care, they probably feel threatened because they now have to consider their OWN drinking behavior.

FT

freshstart57

It's called 'confirmation bias', a part of human nature. No, really, honest it is. No guff.

bozboz

Ha ha...that made me lol. I believe you, but the way you said it was funny.

FT, you are absolutely right. I didn't even think to look at it like that. Again, thank you!

Taking5

Same thing happens when you get a new car. Every 4th or 5th car on the road is just like yours!


In my case, I did have to change my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking friends) to achieve any lasting sobriety. In fact of all of those drinking "friends" I had at 3 or 4 bars around town, only 2 or 3 of them turned out to be real friends.

There are still people I am friends with from that crowd, but I can't hang out with them anymore - I'd be putting my sobriety at risk if I did.

bozboz

I hear you on that dgillz. I've been hanging out with my dog a lot the past few days. I work A LOT so I don't get out much, and the friends I have now are friends that I have had since I was about 5. Being 32 now, and knowing that I can not associate with them anymore, is hard.
They are the people I have known my whole life, and I do love them, but I can not be around them anymore. I thought I could, but after watching my friend last night, I know I can't. I know I can do it...but again..it sucks.

Pigtails

Hi Shygirl. I just wanted to second and third some of the things other people have said. For me, the most successful shifts in my attempts at sobreity have been my attitude/mindset, and my change of lifestyle/friends. I have tried to be sober before, and I've ended up failing b/c I kept hanging around the same people who also had drinking problems-- we enabled each other-- and kept wanting to do all the same things I did drunk, except sober. That didn't work, b/c honestly, WHO wants to spend hours on end sitting at a bar w/ a bunch of drunk people if they aren't drunk too??!!! It was ludicris to try to do it that way but it took a while for that to sink into my head.

Now I rarely/never see my old "friends" aka drinking buddies/enablers. I don't go to bars or clubs. I can't say I will never go to a bar or club; in fact, one day I would like to go to a club and dance sober, b/c I think it would be even more fun than being drunk/high and only worrying about when I was going to have my next drink or line! But what I mean is, most of the things I did revolved around alcohol [I suppose there was a reason for that!] and almost all my friends were big drinkers too [I suppose there was also a reason for that!], so, deciding to get sober for real is meaning a huge change in my entire lifestyle. One of the reasons I'm glad I don't drink now is b/c I don't want to waste my hours sitting at a bar with a bunch of drunk people. I don't want to have meaningless/non-sensical conversations, or only hang out w/ the people who like to drink as much as I do. I want to have a full life that involves so much more than drinking. So there is no reason for me to be hanging around the old places or doing the same things [essentially, drinking] that I used to do.

I also wanted to let you know that when I went to AA I met instant new friends who didn't drink and who understood where I was coming from. The best thing about AA, IMO, is that it's a place where you can meet people with the same mindset, who are done being drunk and wasting their lives, and who are looking to connect with people who want to have full, sober lives. They have all kinds of sober parties and events, and so many of them are more than happy to go to lunch or talk on the phone . . . it's really a very supportive group of people who may help you a lot more than your friends who drink a lot are able to do right now. [As a disclaimer, I haven't been to AA recently and haven't worked the steps, etc. So I'm just advocating for the best thing I know so far about AA, which is the community/friendship aspect of it.] Good luck and stay strong!

Anna

Some of early recovery does suck, for sure, because it involves making a lot of changes in our lives.

And, I agree with you. I won't spend time with people who are drinking, just for the sake of drinking and I haven't been to a bar in years. It works for me.

feralheart

I was thinking last night about confirmation bias, and what I started noticing when I quit is how many other people were in recovery/have addictions. It seems like everywhere I turn I run into something about addiction, like in my horoscopes or a book I'm reading or on the news.

Whether you consider it a mundane phenomenon, or mystical or spiritual, things like synchronicity, confirmation bias and coincidence keep life pretty interesting. It's like all of a sudden being able to see that without even realizing it there were all these tools around you to help you understand yourself better and become more of a whole person.