Help!!
Let go and Let God!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
Help!!
I am not sure if this is the correct place to post this, but I am not sure what to do. I will give you a little background. I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. I have over 8 yrs and it is wonderful. My brother and I got into recovery together. He has since went back to drinking, about 5 years ago. When we first got into recovery him and I lived together. We raised our two girls together until they were 4 and 5. I started meetings 11 years ago, but had issues staying sober at first.
Now the girls are 13 and 12. They are very close. I also have an 8 yr old, 5 yr old, and a 2 yr old. I have recently left my husband and in the middle of the divorce process. I have my 13 yr old everyday, her dad is into his addiction and has no contact with her. My other 3 kids go to their dads every Wed, Thurs, & Fri. My niece lives with me also, due to a drug addict mother and alcoholic father.
My niece has started to ask a lot of questions about her parent's using. Is it my place to tell her? I have been open and honest with my oldest and my niece about my addiction. My niece wants to know how to make her mom and dad stop using. I answer to the best of my ability, with the help of my sponser. The questions are getting more and more. I sit up at night crying with her. I know she feels abandoned by both parents. I try, but I am not who she wants or needs.
I love her like one of my own and I can't make this go away. I don't have custody of her so I can't just do what I want. If it was my child I would do counseling, but when I brought it up to my brother he says she is just being a pre-teen. She needs help beyond what I can give. My brother knows all about this disease and what it can do, but since he is denial about having an issue he is ignoring it.
I am sorry this is so long, but I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading
Now the girls are 13 and 12. They are very close. I also have an 8 yr old, 5 yr old, and a 2 yr old. I have recently left my husband and in the middle of the divorce process. I have my 13 yr old everyday, her dad is into his addiction and has no contact with her. My other 3 kids go to their dads every Wed, Thurs, & Fri. My niece lives with me also, due to a drug addict mother and alcoholic father.
My niece has started to ask a lot of questions about her parent's using. Is it my place to tell her? I have been open and honest with my oldest and my niece about my addiction. My niece wants to know how to make her mom and dad stop using. I answer to the best of my ability, with the help of my sponser. The questions are getting more and more. I sit up at night crying with her. I know she feels abandoned by both parents. I try, but I am not who she wants or needs.
I love her like one of my own and I can't make this go away. I don't have custody of her so I can't just do what I want. If it was my child I would do counseling, but when I brought it up to my brother he says she is just being a pre-teen. She needs help beyond what I can give. My brother knows all about this disease and what it can do, but since he is denial about having an issue he is ignoring it.
I am sorry this is so long, but I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading
You can check out your area for some Alateen meetings, and then suggest to your niece to try 3 or 4 of them, even volunteer to take her.
There she will find her 'peers' that are going through what she is going through. Explain to her that it is not something she did or didn't do, that they are 'sick' and part of the sickness is to tell them that they are not (denial).
Be there for her as you have been. She has one stable person in her life that way, and she can and will see that recovery is possible.
I really think Alateen would be a big help to her.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
There she will find her 'peers' that are going through what she is going through. Explain to her that it is not something she did or didn't do, that they are 'sick' and part of the sickness is to tell them that they are not (denial).
Be there for her as you have been. She has one stable person in her life that way, and she can and will see that recovery is possible.
I really think Alateen would be a big help to her.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
You are doing fine... kids absorb all positive attention they can get... if there are problems in the home - any positive attention from an adult will be recorded as a positive experience. Remember, we all don't have any answers for anyone else - only ourselves. Seeing if she will go to alateen might help her with the questions she is asking.
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