Windblown

I have a bad case of the What-Ifs....ponderings on future scenarios with my AS and how I will deal with them. Currently we have not heard from him in over a week. It's been two weeks sence he was released from detox and shocked me by choosing to leave the home. He didn't want to follow the new house rules...basically he wanted his car and cell phone back so he could go back to dealing and using.

My sponsor said when I start getting into future worry...to sing a song or recite the Serenity Prayer. I am still on Step 1. I am realizing what an enabler I used to be. I am doing better and my husband and I have decided that he is not welcome in our home unless he gets clean and is sober for awhile. We are also not going to pay out a huge sum of money for the best rehab....there are two free ones in town that although not cushy...if someone wants it...they will work.

I've noticed in my Nar-Anon meetings that the happiest people with the most peaceful lives do not enable AT ALL. The ones that are teary with constant chaos are still feeding them when they knock on the door hungry. I have decided not to do this. I will tell my son to find a shelter. Why...because if I cave in I lose my sanity...which is hard won and precious at the moment. And I also don't allow him to feel hungry and think about how he got himself into this mess...and let his own brain figure a way out.

So I will continue trying to stay in the present. When the What-If's become a reality, I will then at that moment...pause...pray to my H.P and call my husband or sponsor...BEFORE making a decision. One step at a time for me now.

dollydo

You are progressing, you are questioning yourself, your behavior, this is a very positive step in the right direction. What ifs do nothing but cause you more stress, create fear and keep you stuck in a state of panic.

Take care and keep your son where he belongs, in the hands of the HP.

Windblown

Thank You dollydo!!! Turning him over...sometimes several times a day....simple but not easy. Thanks for reminding me of that!

outtolunch

Very well put.

December2011

Windblown,

Thank you so much for your post. I spend so much time worrying about my As future and all the "what ifs" and trying, to fix things for him. Maybe I should try that-- put on some music, relax, and stop the what if thinking..

Hang in there, hugs

Kindeyes

Windblown
I allow myself a little time each day to feel sad. It IS sad that our son's are addicted. I pray and ask God to deliver my love and hugs to him. And I let it go for the rest of the day and go about the business of living my life.

It has taken me a long time and a lot of heartache to get to this point but it certainly feels good to not be stuck in the fear and anxiety 24/7.

You're doing great. And I appreciate your posts and input on the forum.....keep it up;-)

gentle hugs
ke

Windblown

Wow, Wow, Wow...something really cool happened tonight...with the What-If thing! I was talking to my H.P in the car on the way to a new Nar-Anon meeting and I was telling her that I felt hopeless for my son. He's so young, so much could happen, his Dad never got help....blah, blah, blah. So I got to the meeting and I asked is this the Nar-Anon meeting and these three ladies said No, this is an open women's NA meeting but you are welcome to join us. You must have an old meeting sked...they moved the Nar-Anon meeting across town. So I stayed and it was amazing. Here I was being welcomed in with this lovely group of meth and heroin addicts and whatever else...didn't matter. I developed so much compassion for the awful disease they are afflicted with. There was so much hope in the room...these women were all miracles!

Then I talked to the lady next to me and told her about my What-If's...and she said something wonderful that I wanted to share with all of you. She said...What if you made your What-If's into a Positive? Such as...What-If my son finds recovery? What-If there is hope for him? What If...he makes it out of this? I loved this and it is so easy to do!

What If our loved ones find recovery and healing....there is always possibility...there is always hope.

I will definitely make that meeting my Tuesday night special! There was alot of tears but a lot of laughter too.

Kindeyes

Well, your HP was certainly showing you His/Her grace this evening.

That is an absolute treasure. Thank you for sharing.

gentle hugs
ke

NewBeginning010

:wow I clicked this thread by accident or so I thought (I am an alcoholic).

I loved your story of the NA meeting & the message that you received. As one who believes that what we think about, imagine & feel is brought/attracted into our lives your message is of huge value. Not only to friends & family but of people struggling with addiction.

Thank you for posting & your courage to go into an NA meeting

I hope that your son finds his way & that your family can be reunited.
All of the best ~ NB

tjp613

Oh, I'm so glad the NA women were there for you tonight. You definitely got a nice whisper from HP!

I've been trying KE's approach and it's working pretty well for me. Thanks, KE.