New here. Today's six months for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 7
New here. Today's six months for me.
Hi all, I'm new to the forum. Today's my six month birthday, haven't had a drop to drink. It's also been three months since I've smoked pot (it was never a problem for me, but it wasn't something I enjoyed much, so I cut it out completely). It's been a very good time for me. I've felt more energetic, positive, and focused in the past six months than I had in the past seven or eight years.
I had drank every day to blackout for three years, until I left my apartment to return home to live with my parents last August. However, I still didn't quit then. I didn't quit until I ended up totaling two cars back in March. I managed to get out of those two accidents with a couple cuts and scratches and no DUIs (by incredible luck; all I received was a failure to control the vehicle and a public intox).
I decided to return to the city in which I lost all semblance of control over my drinking, not to 'test' myself but more to get some closure. And so far, it's been going well.
I haven't had much contact with other people, both other alcoholics or people in general, since I left treatment. I go to meetings sporadically (I'm not an AA/12 Step program kinda guy, not really), so I signed up here and so, here I am. So I just wanted to say hello!
I had drank every day to blackout for three years, until I left my apartment to return home to live with my parents last August. However, I still didn't quit then. I didn't quit until I ended up totaling two cars back in March. I managed to get out of those two accidents with a couple cuts and scratches and no DUIs (by incredible luck; all I received was a failure to control the vehicle and a public intox).
I decided to return to the city in which I lost all semblance of control over my drinking, not to 'test' myself but more to get some closure. And so far, it's been going well.
I haven't had much contact with other people, both other alcoholics or people in general, since I left treatment. I go to meetings sporadically (I'm not an AA/12 Step program kinda guy, not really), so I signed up here and so, here I am. So I just wanted to say hello!
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Solis))) - welcome to SR and congrats on your clean/sober time!! Though I went to meetings, years ago, and I still use what I learned there, SR has been a really big part of my recovery.
I like how you put it about moving back - not to tempt, but as closure. When we want recovery more than anything, we can do it anywhere we are. I haven't really visited the 2 towns I associate with my crack using, but have driven THROUGH them many a time, and I just say "thank you, I am no longer living like that" and just keep on going.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I like how you put it about moving back - not to tempt, but as closure. When we want recovery more than anything, we can do it anywhere we are. I haven't really visited the 2 towns I associate with my crack using, but have driven THROUGH them many a time, and I just say "thank you, I am no longer living like that" and just keep on going.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 7
I like how you put it about moving back - not to tempt, but as closure.
I haven't moved back; that wasn't clear now that I look back at my original post. I decided to visit. I could never move back here. The culture here is based so heavily around drinking and drug use and degeneracy that I think it would be very simple to fall back into old habits over time. More than that, the city is too small and too...static, I guess is a good word.
They were. It started slowly at first, as these things often do. But when I drank, I finally found myself able to enjoy me. I was 'witty' and 'charming' and people laughed when I made jokes. I was able to become confident for the first time ever. It helped shut out my depression and my insecurity until, as these things often do, it didn't help anymore. But even then, I persisted.
I tried to kill myself about two years in to my drinking. I failed, and I failed to stop drinking even then.
It's so relieving to go to bed each night knowing that the next day, I'll remember what I did, how much money I spent, where I am. I narrowly escaped a multitude of fates – STDs, arrests, fights, death –*and I am very thankful for that.
My biggest obstacle now is my issue of dependence on others. I have this deep-seated need to feel loved or to feel like someone cares for me on an intimate level. It drives me to act out of accordance with what I believe in to try to find a girlfriend or even just a sexual partner for a night. The frustration with my loneliness is a major trigger for my drinking, manifesting itself as a push to go out to the bar under the pretense of not drinking but looking for someone interesting to at least kiss. But the drinking is always in the back of my head.
However, tonight I was able to go out and enjoy some old friends and places at my old haunt. I had no drive to drink – none whatsoever – and I still had a good time. Good laughs, good conversation.
I need to be able to translate the ability to have fun without alcohol to my life in the city where I reside. At home, I feel bored and alone. The city I live in now is a dull place by nature, but it's not as dull as I tell myself.
I haven't moved back; that wasn't clear now that I look back at my original post. I decided to visit. I could never move back here. The culture here is based so heavily around drinking and drug use and degeneracy that I think it would be very simple to fall back into old habits over time. More than that, the city is too small and too...static, I guess is a good word.
Originally Posted by Cardio 
Congratulations! I'm on day 2 and can't wait to be where you are now. Sounds like you had a rough three years.
I tried to kill myself about two years in to my drinking. I failed, and I failed to stop drinking even then.
It's so relieving to go to bed each night knowing that the next day, I'll remember what I did, how much money I spent, where I am. I narrowly escaped a multitude of fates – STDs, arrests, fights, death –*and I am very thankful for that.
My biggest obstacle now is my issue of dependence on others. I have this deep-seated need to feel loved or to feel like someone cares for me on an intimate level. It drives me to act out of accordance with what I believe in to try to find a girlfriend or even just a sexual partner for a night. The frustration with my loneliness is a major trigger for my drinking, manifesting itself as a push to go out to the bar under the pretense of not drinking but looking for someone interesting to at least kiss. But the drinking is always in the back of my head.
However, tonight I was able to go out and enjoy some old friends and places at my old haunt. I had no drive to drink – none whatsoever – and I still had a good time. Good laughs, good conversation.
I need to be able to translate the ability to have fun without alcohol to my life in the city where I reside. At home, I feel bored and alone. The city I live in now is a dull place by nature, but it's not as dull as I tell myself.
Last edited by Solis; 10-18-2011 at 12:45 AM. Reason: Clarification
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