harleygirl71

I am new to this site and trying to figure out how it works. My husband of 16 yrs is an addict and I have mixed emotions. I knew a 1 1/2 yrs ago that he was taking pain pills he bought off the streets for back pain but did not realize how much, how often he was taking them not to mention the fact that he was taking more than hydrocodone. I noticed changes in his personality and started feeling a distance between us which has never been there before but I chalked it up to our 13 yrs age difference(he is older). In July it came to the surface when he was withdrawing money out of our account on a regular basis. I confronted him about it and he admited to buying pills and then threw up the fact that I spent money on cigarettes so I basically said whatever and transfered the rest of our bill money to an account he had no access to. My gut told me then we had a problem but I was in denial. Two weeks later at 10 at night he starts acting anxious, next thing I know he walks out of the bedroom looks me dead in the eye and says I've got to get some dope because Im addicted and walked out of the house. Yeah that was a slap in the face! The next day he went to what they call around here the methadone clinic for help;that was in July. I am proud of him for admitting his addiction and trying to get help but the methadone clinic is just another drug so I feel like he really is not drug free. I have tried talking to him about it and he keeps promising me he is going to start having his milligrams lowered but that still has not happen. There has been so many lies told because of the addiction so I just dont know what to feel except to love him. Am I expecting to much too fast? Should I keep trying to encourage him to go to a NA meeting? I hope this site is the right place for support for me if not can somebody point me in the right direction.

outtolunch

Welcome. You are in the right spot. Most of us are codependent and learn from each other to work on ourselves because we have no control over other people and their addiction.

Your husband owns his own recovery, or not. The more we try to second guess, the more we try to control the people we care about and the outcomes. If only our love could just snap them out of this, none of us would be here.

The stickies at the top of this forum are very helpful.

Justlizzyd

Welcome to SR.

The best thing you can do is educate yourself and get involved in a support group for you. I am married to an addict. You will drive yourself crazy trying to "help". Set an example by getting involved in a Nar-anon and Al-anon group. Find some good books on the subject to read. Try not to let his addiction consume you because it will if you don't take a stand for yourself. There are a lot of wise folks around here. You have found a good place.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR. I hope you find comfort here. I do.

Loving an addict is a journey I would not wish on anyone. It is very tough to detach with love but necessary.

I hope you stick around and learn from others here on SR. Everyone here is dealing with a loved one who is addicted. We are all at different stages of our journey but we will walk with you. You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke

hello-kitty

Hi. You have a lot on your plate. I'm glad you are reaching out for support. You can't control his choices or his addiction or the pace of his recovery or even whether he relapses. You can control your own choices and decisions. And you can find happiness and peace no matter what he does.

The way to do that is to "work the recovery you wish the addict in your life would work." That could include educating yourself about enabling behavior, codependency and setting personal boundaries, reading (a great book is Co-Dependent No More), visiting this sight, attending Naranon and Alanon, and working the 12 steps.

Those things will help you get control of your life again!

harleygirl71

Thank you to all of you, I am so glad I found people who are in the same boat as me. I did find a local Nar-anon meeting so I will be attending that on friday.

December2011

I think that the methadone clinic is a good step for him. it will at least make his life manageable. I would support him in this effort and not give him a hard time about the methadone. I think it is great that he took that step. I know it is hard for you, but it would be worse if he were still doing pain pills like Oxy.

My AS shoots Oxy. We tried the methadone clinic, and he was doing better, but he gave up after a week and started shooting oxy again. Trust me, methadone is not ideal, but it is better then the alternative.

P.S. Good for you that you transfered money for bills-- smart lady

Take care

outtolunch

Are you addicted to opiates, too?

Just sayin...

Found I had to reframe my thoughts and words to solidfy that each of us walks our own recovery path and there is no "we" involved.

hope213

glad u found us. read all around & read the stickys at the top of the forum. there is alot of info on this site. set boundries for your husband & set them in stone. go to meeting for you & yes if he will go to n.a. that is a step in the right direction for him. keep the focus on yourself.he is the only one that can get himself drug free.it is all up to him. keep coming back!!

seekinganswrs

Use this site as much as you can, take the advice of those who you can see are here to support your recovery, too. I just found this site about 2 months ago, and am so thankful. My husband of 14 years is an addict, and his DOC is hydrocodone pain pills, but he will take whatever, too. I have started attending CoDA meetings, AL Anon, and Nar Anon, and I feel like I am waking up. It's nice to start to recognize myself again. No matter what he does, make sure you work on yourself, so that you are strong enough to handle what his choices are, and by handle I mean setting a boundary and sticking to it. My AH has 1 week clean right now, and he has gone to a NA meeting each night since I packed his stuff up and told him I couldn't live like this anymore. We'll see what he does. For me, methadone is another drug, and I don't believe addicts can take drugs at all. My husband does have MRI's to show 2 damaged discs in his back, bulging, etc....but until he tries exercising, ice, massage, etc...I am unwilling to live with someone on methadone or suboxone as well, but that's just me. It's different for everyone what you are willing to accept. Good luck and God Bless!!! BTW get that book "Hello-Kitty" recommended, I did, and it has changed my life, or at least my thinking in a matter of one week!

December2011

OutToLunch,

"Are you addicted to opiates, too?

Thank you for that wake up call-- You are so right. LOL-- shows how far I have to go.

Thanks