AngelsStrength

So.. I've been dating him for 11 months. He went to a rehabilitation house for about 30 days. He was addicted to heroine, coke, and pretty much anything he could get his hands on. When we started dating I guess I didn't have much self respect. Over this past year I've gained that back not only for myself but other people. Before we got together I had a lot of friends and now I have zero because they are all against the idea of us being together. I was living in a small town before we met without my mother because she left me and my brother for her boyfriend. When him and I got together the only choice i had was to move back in with my mom. We have been living her for a while and my mom is extremely bipolar. She used to use also. It's very hard for me to live here and be happy. My boyfriend is four months "clean" and i hence that because I am against Suboxone and anxiety medications that make you numb. About a month ago I found out that he was taking Clonazepam and no, he didn't tell me. I got him to get on another medication that really seemed to be working we were very happy up until his last Drs. appointment. Once again I found out that he got switched to a medication that is substituted for Valium. No, he didn't tell me. When i found out he was taking that from noticing his behavior mind you. I confronted him and told him i would give it a week to see if he wasn't drowsy and half awake. Then i notice he is a day later go and count his medication to find out he had taken double his dose for the first 2 days he got his perscription. So once again I confront him he caves because there's no lie out. Then the next day he wanted to drive and i asked him if he had taken his medication and he said no. I asked again later in the day to find out he had taken 2 which i still doubt that it was only 2. He got a speeding ticket that day. About Christmas of last year we got into an accident and he was driving. Ever since then I've had really bad anxiety and he likes to throw in my face that i don't trust him. I feel like i am always there for him to fall back on and he uses me as a crutch. I need someone who i can fall on sometimes. I feel alone when i'm with someone that I've had the best times of my life with. I want us to work so badly I try and try and i feel like it's never enough. He has a sponsor as a matter of fact we just went and had dinner with them for the first time last night i talked to his sponsors girlfriend but unfortunately she doesn't know what it's like to be with a recovering addict. Although it still helped talking to SOMEONE for once other than negative people or people that just don't understand for (ex.Mother and Boyfriend) The thing is When i say i love him i mean it's more than love.. more than words could EVER describe. I DO NOT want to give up, but i know i need to worry about myself and my future. I've told him multiple times that I will not be with someone who is barley there. I am a strong believer in no medications. Except i do have to take asthma medicine because it is so severe. I used to take depression medication but then i realized all it did was cover up my feelings and the only way i could really work through it and move on is if i worked through it mentally. I personally can't stand most Doctors because in my opinion an addict OR even an alcoholic should NOT under any circumstance be trusted with a mediction that fogs there thoughts or make them fall asleep eating or anything close to that. It's very dangerous not only because even when they take the right dose they're still ****** up but because they give an ADDICT for example 120 pills and expect them to be trusted with it. I have a feeling no one is going to reply back to this because i pretty much just spilled my guts out and this is long but i really pray that someone does because I need advice and guidence more than ever right now. So please, if you took the time to read this i'd appreciate any and all advice. It's weird because this is EXACTLY how i feel.

Thanks again.

hello-kitty

Hi. Welcome. I took the time to read your post. I am sorry you are in so much pain.

I have no good advice for you regarding your boyfriend (well I do but it's probably not what you want to hear right now so I'll keep it to myself). We are big on sharing our experiences here. So I think to start, you should read all you can on this website. There's lots of great information. Check out people's stories. Read the stickies on the top of the forum page. It's always good to arm yourself with knowledge. Being involved with an addict makes us sick (crazy sick). Sicker than the addict. We lose control of our lives because we are so focused on someone elses problems. We think that we can save them. That we can help them. There's hope - for you. And you are not alone.

dollydo

Welcome, please take the time to read all the stickeys at the top of this forum, and other posts, lots of information that will enlighten you to the facts of drug addiction and codependency.

How old is your BF and how long has he been using?

He has a chronic disease, one that there is no cure for, it is only a matter of whether he is using or not. His addiction has tenacles that reach far and wide and affect everyone they come in contact with. It is a progressive disease that unless controlled by a strong recovery program will continue to get worse.

Read around and keep posting.

alaskasunshine

I am new to SR and one thing I keep seeing over and over again from friends and loved ones of addicts "you didnt cause it, you cant cure it and you cant control it." Something about that just rings so true!
Just spend lots of time here, reach out to those who have been right where you are, you'll find acceptance and support!

incitingsilence

This is very important, this is HIS addiction…

Why do you count his medication? Is he not a gown man…
And what is wrong with Suboxone?

It is amazing what happens when they have to be accountable, and everyone else is not being accountable for them. He is not stupid, if he is taking more than he should then he will surely learn from that and in that learning hopefully find out more about himself, his addiction and set up his own safety nets. No one should be making them nets for him, he is the one who needs to get it in his head why he has to protect his sobriety, because this is his journey, and it is the only way it works.

Don’t take the learning away!

Your journey is different…do you have a sponsor whom you work with because all of what I read shines I am addicted to him and I want it my way…and it will never be our way as it is not our life.

You don’t want to be a crutch, then don’t be and maybe find out why you put yourself in the position to be one in the first place.
And you want everyone to be accepting of where you are with him, but are you accepting of where he is in his addiction…Maybe don’t worry about what everyone else thinks and find out what you think…what YOU want and need from this life.

Read and read some more about codependency, addiction…

And let go!

alaskasunshine

Why do you count his medication? Is he not a gown man…
And what is wrong with Suboxone?

I was thinking the same thing. Let that counting thing go. What is wrong with Suboxone especially? He is under a doctors care for it! Let that go.

My ex husband had to use suboxone to get off of the narcotics he was addicted to. That, and a rehab, and lots of support, and he did it!!! Just remember you CANT cure him. You can try, and I am sure you will. But only HE can fix it.

Chino

My personal opinion and experience with meds are mine alone. I don't allow anyone to tell me what I should or should not be taking unless they have a PhD after their name, and even then it's only a suggestion.

My 23 year old daughter is a recovering IV addict and her recovery, including whatever meds she's on, is none of my business. It's between her and her doctors, recovery group.

It sucks being addicted to an addict. I'm glad I chose to stop and work my own recovery program.

December2011

I would say, you are unhappy, and you have only been seeing him 11 months-- maybe you should re-evaluate whether you should be in the relationship. I know that sounds harsh, but look at what is happening in a short amount of time. You said your mom was addicted and has bipolar. It may be that you are recreating a bad experience from the past perhaps. Be careful, and take care of yourself. You should not have to be counting pills, and worrying about that with a grown man. I would also say that suboxone can be a good cure for people. Maybe read up on it.

I know when you fall in love it seems like the greatest thing in the world, but love is not enough sometimes, and you will find love again.

Hugs

Take care