Dominica2

I am sick of always relapsing. Its like, I get to 2 weeks and for some reason, I shut down. I dont know how to fight this demon in my head. I start to go to a meeting, and I end up at the store, buying beer. Its just embarassing, I just had to get that off of my chest, I know it needs to stop and I know I have the willpower. So why cant I just do it already?!? Soon enough, I hope.

PaperDolls

Have you considered detox and/or rehab?

Dominica2

I have, I just cant afford it.

MrAverage

Hey dominica. I had the same issue for years. I'm a strong willed, bull headed guy who has complete control of all other aspects of life.. accept this. For three years, I tried to "cut back" on the drinking.. even had half-assed attempts at "quitting" before. But one question I wasn't answering honestly was "do I -really- want to quit for good, forever, 100% no more alcohol for the rest of my life?" My breakthrough was when I realized that I just have to stop. It's still a scary idea being only 10 days in, but it's something I can eventually get past, and every day it gets easier to picture myself as a non-drinker.

It all starts with asking yourself some really hard questions and answering them truthfully no matter how scary those answers may be.

I look forward to talking to you some more in the near future. =)

YVRguy

They call it cunning and baffling for a reason....each relapse can have an insight ...maybe there is one for you in your latest?

From my own experience it takes more than me and my will to stay on track but that's me. If my will power was enough I should have been over this years ago...sure tried that all on its own.

Drinking is just a piece of my skewed behaviour and thinking ....but picking up has repeatedly shown me it has no help or answers , just more darkness , confusion and illness.

For me , right now and today , not picking up is enough to make it a great day. The rest does take care of itself when I can see that

I am hardly 10 days from the end of my last slide so I sure have a lot to read and listen to again and new ideas as I am not goi9ng to cave in to King Alcohol. Large work stress should have had me on guard last month but alas , I ignored that early warning...and well the rest was a short term relapse but good lord they get worse no matter hwo long now.

Hope you can find a good 24 soon

Dominica2

Thanks, Its always the first 5 days that are the hardest. Its like a constant hell having to go through withdrawls over and over. lol. Thanks for your input.

sugarbear1

I just searched "free alcohol rehab galveston, tx"

It's available.

Best wishes!

Itchy

Are you saying you already go to meetings? Or that when you try to go to your first meeting you stop and buy?

I agree with detox and rehab. I used everything at my disposal doing an in hospital detox, using my Doc and the VA docs, counseling, AA and here.

I quit seriously once, doing it all, and have over a year sober now.

Before that I quit daily and never made any headway. I couldn't even get to two hours let alone two day or heavens two weeks? Impossible I would have told you in August of 2010.

You have the seed of the solution in your post. What you are doing isn't working, and it isn't working over and over again, yet you keep doing it expecting to get different results. You won't.

Don't necessarily do what I did and use everything but do use something else, add some more to your recovery plan or change it as you think it will work.

Some folks are comfortable staying alcoholics with a short period sober and then a relapse because they can't face never drinking again and doing whatever it takes to get there.

I am not deprived and I can never, nor will ever, choose to drink even one drink again. If the man upstairs told me I could drink normally again as a miracle I would pass with a thank you. I am free from alcohol and do not need it or want it. You can be too, if you really want to you will do whatever it takes.

instant

It's an addiction. You are learning all the time. Try not to take the same lessons twice.

I think the concepts embedded in the first three steps are important, even though I do not go to AA. I liken it psychologically to jumping out the alcohol plane without a parachute and surrendering yourself to that (whatever happens). That level of surrender seems to have got me going.

Dominica2

I have been to meetings, but just seem to convince myself that I dont need to go anymore, and head to the store instead. Thanks for the input. Its appriciated.

MrAverage

Very well said. When trying anything new (like sobriety), there will be problems and failures. I dare anyone to point to something in life and say they did it perfectly the first, second, or even third try. The important thing is to a) not give up, and b) learn from the mistakes and alter your plan accordingly.

Itchy

So Dominica you don't have a sponsor and just about when most start choosing you drop out? Go back and get a sponsor kiddo, you can make it! Go to a free rehab, whatever works for you. The key being works.

We have all been there where you are now, and worse for many.

So what are you planning to do differently this time?

Dominica2

I think I might need to go to the Dr. and get some of those pills that help with the witdrawls, hell maybe even some antabuse. I know I do need to get to a meeting again, and stick with it, because I just havent been committed. I havent even acquired a sponsor yet. I just want to get it going, and be able to stick with it. My longest periods of sobriety, were when i was regularly going to meetings though.

aasharon90

Having even just a little taste of recovery
destroys our drinking careers. Meaning,
after we get sober, going back to drinking
like we use to will never be the same. It
totally screws up our drinking habits.

Sad but true.

I learned early on in recovery that I never
have to go thru anything in my life alone
again. Which means we don't have to learn
to get sober and stay sober by ourselves.

Thru family intervention I spent 28 days
in rehab with a 6 week outpatiant aftercare
program attached. This time i was given
the knowledge of my alcoholism and how
it affected me and those around me. That
information along with the tools of recovery
to live by one day at a time without alcohol
set me on the path of a more joyous rewarding
life alcohol free.

I also learned that in order for me to stay
sober, which is an awesome gift recieved,
i have to pass on my own ESH- Experiences,
Strengths and Hopes of what it was like
before, during and after my drinking to
others that still suffer with addiction.

That has been my main purpose in life
in order to remain sober a many one days
at a time for the last 21 years.

Grab a hold of anothers tailcoat and let
them carry you in recovery till you are
strong enough to stand on ur own.

All of us have had to crawl before we
could walk and it is the same in recovery.

I hope this encourages you with ur struggles.

OorWullie

I managed 23 days then slipped and went on three major benders so now I'm on day 4. I've tried to analyse what went wrong so now I'm re-thinking how to cope when the Demon appears again. It's a learning curve so don't give up.

Dee74

Hi Dominica

If what you're doings not working, or not working long enough, then I think it makes sense to widen your net a little and add some things...or go back to things you've sorta tried but maybe not given your all too.

There's been some great advice here

I think seeing your Dr is a good step - just be forewarned though that antabuse does nothing for cravings - it just makes you sick if you drink

D

YVRguy

Well I can only say from my own withdrawal experiences , and its more than a few , by day 14 the main physical event is over but the PAWS starts and its/their no picnic either. There is help for the first withdrawal stages but only a Dr can advise that.

Knowing what to expect at the start of PAWS helped me out to lengthen quite a few of my better months...but I have more work to do and more to learn for sure...not easy but sure seems worth it ....I am worth the effort...took me forever to care about myself at all.

Go see a doc if you can and get whatever support you can afford , a lot is free or cheaper than drinking.

It is a vicious cycle and tough to break...heck I am on whatever number of a day ten again.


You're worth the effort so reach out! You already have , reach out a bit more !

Hope you have a good 24

alaskasunshine

I am sooo with you. Two weeks seems to be about my "norm" these days. And there are times I would GO to the meeting and stop at the liquor store afterwards. and all I can think of is "What is WRONG with me?"

eJoshua

I agree with those saying you ought to get a sponsor. Get a sponsor and start working the steps ASAP.

alaskasunshine

I am on antabuse. Have been taking it for nearly all of the 11 days being sober this time. And I have at this point taken enough so it will stay in my system for the next two weeks. So even if I dont take another one, I cant drink for the next two weeks.Like it or not. Forced sobriety? Will that work? It hasn't before. We'll see. I feel something stronger this time and I know the next fall will be horrendous. I am facing a third dui, and that would be a felony. Jail time. I have to quit.