Cardio

My hangover is finally over.

I'm a 44 year old woman, mother of three. I'm also a runner so I'm glad to see in the Health/Fitness forum there are other runners.

Honestly I don't know what to say here, other than I've just had enough. A couple of years ago I quit drinking for 4 months. I slowly began drinking again, socially and thought "I can do this like a normal person now." That didn't last long.

Last year at about this time I also tried to get sober. Then I decided I just needed to try to drink normally. And by normally I mean not get drunk every time I drink. I'm not a very big person, so more 3 drinks means I'm drunk. But I'll have a whole bottle of wine. No problem. So, that didn't work out either.

So, Saturday night I'm not actually sure but I may have had almost 2 bottles. My husband had to take me outside (I don't remember why) and he walked me around the neighborhood. I think he was afraid that I was teetering on severe alcohol poisoning. He left for a business trip early yesterday so I don't know exactly what happened. As you can imagine, yesterday I was a mess. Still got up, showered, took the kids to soccer. But I was still drunk at about 1pm. I stayed in my car during soccer so the other moms wouldn't see me hungover. I'm pretty sure I still reeked of alcohol.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. The idea of AA is tricky for me. I'm an atheist. But I need to do something. I'm open to suggestions.

Oy.

Deserto

Hi Cardio and welcome!

There are lots of alternatives to AA. Maybe check out the Secular Connections forum for some ideas: Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I'm sure other will post some additional ideas. But you've made a good first step by reaching out to others. Whether one is secular or religious, being in a community of people who are working on sobriety is very important and helpful to most of us.

sugarbear1

Welcome!

There's other alternatives besides aa. Although I suggest just listening to aa speakers online. Disregard the aa stuff and hear their stories. You won't feel alone.

This site has helped me and still helps me! You don't have to have a hangover any more! Stick around.

Have you spoken with your doctor?

Cardio

I think so too Deserto. Thanks for replying. I'm glad to have found this site.

Cardio

No, haven't spoken with my doctor. I'm not sure I need too--I'm actually very healthy other than being a heavy drinker. And by heavy drinker I mean 2 drinks a night during the week and 4 to a whole bottle on Fridays and Saturdays, with the once a month drunken binge.

But tell me if I'm wrong about that Sugarbear. This is new to me.

least

Welcome to the family. I quit drinking for good with the help of the good people on this site and my wonderful addiction counselor. There are many ways to get and stay sober. Find the one that works for you.

bellakeller

Welcome!

I am a mom and agnostic. I am in AA. It is tricky but I finally ran out of the luxury of waffling about a higher power concept. I just act as if there is one and go about my business. Nobody's going to strike me down if there is or isn't one, so it's not going to hurt me to just go with it. I simply ran out of time to really grapple with that concept and AA has kept me sober. I am convinced there are other programs that will help in a similar way.

For me it was well past time to stop *****-footing around because my drinking was affecting my kids.

Good luck on your journey. I am glad you found this place here.

Much love.

Pigtails

Hi and welcome. I'm also a runner. I'm on Day 5 again after several attempts. It's definitely easier to run without alcohol!

I'm an agnostic as well. The Higher Power concept is difficult for me but I agree with the poster who said to just try it... just act like there is one even if you don't really believe it. It helps me to "pray" because I voice my concerns and then turn it over to... whatever there is-- fate, the universe, some kind of god-- and realize it's out of my power now. I'm such a worrywart that doing that really helped me.

I also try to meditate and read Buddhist literature as that is the closest "religion" I can relate to (although I don't believe in reincarnation or supernatural aspects of it... the "here and now" present moment stuff helps me a lot though). Also secular humanist literature/ Unitarian church literature and meetings help me.

As a disclosure, I've not returned to AA but I am working through my own issues and just trying to say that I really don't think being an atheist should prevent you from going to AA if that's your only issue. I understand how it feels foreign/out of touch but there are also positive aspects of it -- for me, being around people I can relate to and who can help me and hold me accountable, and the community of people who support me and don't drink and still have fun, are all reasons I want to go back. So maybe think about the positive aspects of it?

Good luck and again welcome.

MrAverage

Welcome cardio! There's quite a few options out there depending on where you live. If you're near a larger city, you may have access to stuff like SMART or SOS, both of which are group based and truly non-denominational. Or you may also look into self-empowering types of programs like AVRT instead of group therapy.

I didn't really like the idea of AA to begin with either, but I went to a few meetings anyway just to give it a shot. Turns out it just wasn't for me (for various reasons), but it never hurts to try something new. Just don't give up if a particular method or program doesn't work for you k?

too.tall

I ready to quit now. I have gone from an Ironman triathlete to a beer gutted couch potato. It's time to rise up and get active. I will usual exercise and reading to keep me from being bored. If I have a problem I will get medical attention but I will not fail in this endeavor. Just like running or triathlon training we have to push on until we reach our goal. This will be tough but failure is not an option.

Hevyn

Cardio - good stuff was said already - so I'll just say congratulations for wanting to change your life. It's great that you've reached out - we are here to support & encourage you.

When I was 44 I was still dancing with the devil - trying to moderate what I drank so I wouldn't have to give it up all together. After all, it had been so much fun - and a nice escape - once. In the end, it took over my entire life and I was in danger every day. I never dreamed this 'progressive disease' could overtake me and control my every move, but it did.

This won't be you, though. Keep talking to us, we can help.

Hevyn

Welcome to you, too - too.tall! Wonderful to have you with us.

sugarbear1

I'm not a doctor. I learned enough to know a doctor can sift through all of the variables to make an accurate diagnosis. Heart attacks and seizures can and do occur for some people. What I'm reading is daily drinking of alcohol. It takes an hour for one ounce of alcohol to leave the body. I had a six pack a night, my body was constantly under an alcohol influence. I was never truly sober.

See your doctor.

horsekisses

When I went to AA they told me that it was the higher power of my understanding. That a light pole could be my HP if that's what I chose. My sponsor had me write what my HP would be if it could be anything I wanted, then said that was my HP. It helped.

instant

I am an atheist as well. I started to look at nature and I realised it wasn't man made. That is enough higher power for me.

I wish you luck.

Pigtails

I never really understood this "pray to a doorknob" line of thinking. I did, however, understand the "Group Of Drunks" (GOD) concept as a higher power. Or just praying to something out there bigger than me, that has more control over things than I do (fate, the universe, destiny). I also imagined it as a better version of myself... the Me I know is in there and who I want to be. I ask whatever/the better me for wisdon and guidance, I wish on my lucky star so to speak, I ask myself if I am doing everything in my power to accomplish whatever it is I'm asking for, and then I let it go... out in the universe of the unknown, which I cannot control. To me this is what is meant by the light pole/ doorknob concept.

I hope this helps you OP. I am still struggling to figure it all out myself.

Pigtails

Exactly. Something is out there bigger than us [humans]. Even scientific explanations call for random chance, a mystery of sorts, something to be in awe of. We did not make the world, we cannot decide what is going to happen to the world or even to ourselves. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Something decides our destiny and I'm not really into praying to it because honestly I don't think it cares or has the ability to care, I think it's all chaotic and non-sensical.

This is where my thinking about the higher concept power gets really distorted and confusing. Yes, I know there are powers out there greater than myself. Do I think that praying to them is going to do anything to influence what happens in my life? Yes and no. I don't think "they" are going to do anything different but I think it helps "me" but things in perspective. I cannot control everything. I didn't get myself on this planet and I can't decide when or if I leave it. All I can do is try to give myself the best life possible.

So I guess I pray to the god who is me... who DOES have the power to decide how I want my life to be, even if I don't have control over external circumstances. This is where my beliefs/non-beliefs seem to clash with AA's. Although I'm looking into Buddhism and the twelve steps because I think that's pretty much where my beliefs are at and if other people have made it work then maybe I can too.

I'm sorry if this is a threadjack OP.

Dee74

some great advice here Cardio- welcome!

D

Cardio

Thank you all so much! Not a threadjack at all!

Sugarbear thank you for that info. Very interesting. I will say that sometimes when I'm drunk I get a racing heart or a weird heart beat. I've wondered about that because I have a very low resting heart rate normally (like 48) but had a normal EKG about a year ago.

Pigtails I love your name. You must be a runner with a name like that And too.tall, my coach (running) sometimes says to me "It hurts when it hurts, doesn't it?" I've had that expression in my head for the past couple of days.

Thanks all for the warm welcome, thoughts on AA and other programs and advice. Hevyn, the thought of it being worse than it is right now never actually occurred to me. I just don't want to live like this anymore. But, denial is a powerful thing...of COURSE it will get worse if I continue this way. Wow. Thanks for that.