ETA

I write this to look for a solution -- NOT to debate any merits... I am very thankful to have all of you care enough to spend time helping me and others by commenting on posts -- I just am looking for a bit of protection from something that comes across as negative to me - even if meant in the positive. Or maybe I just have PMS and am cranky and over sensitive

To the moderators of the forum - I try to stay out of the conversation of AA vs not AA but I wish there was a way I could make clear that I don't want AA recommended to me.

I don't mind "have you tried AA?" of course - or giving personal experiences and such. It's the presumption that AA is what I'm lacking is not helpful. Not sure if I'm describing the difference in meaning clearly...

Is there a way to have some signifier where a person can say "please don't suggest AA" "please don't say negative things about AA" or "I'm open to anything" ?? I think it might avoid some of the issues that result from well intended people inadvertently being insensitive.

I am a HUGE believer in to each is own and the issue of drinking/staying sober is so very personal - so important - I think the back and forth between AA vs not AA is very distracting.

Anna

Feel free to put any members on Ignore, and then you won't see their posts or receive PMs from them.

SSIL75

The AA suggestions stopped bothering me once I accepted that other options were equally valuable (and infinitely more valuable to me!). AA suggestions really irritated me when I had a niggling fear in the pit of my stomach that I'd have to (as I saw it) sacrifice myself to God in order to sober up.

ETA

I certainly agree/feel that other options are equally valuable. I will try the ignore but I wouldn't want to miss something helpful from another. It's not like I have issues with people - I guess there isn't really a better option... ??

kiki5711

There's always going to be some post "try AA" etc....without any personal experience or thought behind it. Like a broken record. I would just ignore it.

SSIL75

I just kind of tune it out. Like I said it really only bothered me when I was afraid they were right

Mark75

Put something in your signature (always displayed) that you don't want people suggesting AA to you. Or, under your user name... anything like that. There are a couple of people here that are able to convey that message in some way or another.

It's up to you, not the moderators, whether you want to hear something, or not. They already have enough to do to protect all of us from flamers and trolls.

ETA

Ok Mark - I'll try that.

I wonder if the moderators should delete this post...I was wary of even posting for fear it would be misunderstood and start something... I imagine there's not really a way to customize the forum for each individual and certailnly not a way to control what people post.

thanks.

Terminally Unique

If you change your user title from "Member" to "Constitutionally Incapable" you probably won't have any more such recommendations.

My handle ("Terminally Unique"), being somewhat of a pejorative in its usual context, has the same effect. I considered "Dry Drunk" instead, but it just didn't have the same ring to it.

User Control Panel > Edit Your Details > Custom User Title

Mark75

Ah, TU - I sense that ETA is capable of being honest... LOL

sugarbear1

Things only get "started" when you're dealing with a sick person who wants an argument. This is a supportive site where all opinions are valued (my opinion). This site helps me not to drink. I have no issues with anyone's opinion, and I wish people could see themselves through other people's viewpoints.

wellwisher

Hi ETA:

I will gladly accommodate your request because as has become apparent to me, there are certainly many, many ways that people get sober. That fact never became more apparent to me until I became a member of this forum. To be honest with you, when I got sober 17 years ago, I had never even heard of SMART, or AVRT, the PAWS condition, etc and I am amazed and extremely happy to see there actually exists a menu of options!

What a powerful resource is found here at SR! I can't say enough about it.

I think the Forum Leaders and Moderators do a fantastic job at maintaining order in such a diverse environment. When there is a sense of mutual respect for ideas, no matter what, is where we ALL benefit - no matter our program or method of recovery.

I try to keep an open mind. I, for one, will never, ever forget the desperation I felt when I was at the end of my rope and struggling to get out of my hole, and say without reservation that I am grateful to AA and its members that helped get me out of my hole. I will readily admit that when I came here in May of 2011, I was wearing AA armor, and at times I felt attacked when speaking about it. Anyone who has been here for more than a few months will recall those horrible bouts of arguing about program methods which, in my opinion, did absolutely nothing to help the newcomer, and most likely, caused more confusion; which is devastating to them, and which was pretty devestating to me, myself. It was counterproductive and at complete crosspurposes to the mission here at SR.

I think that catastrophic period of time when program bashing was at its height did produce something positive; and that is a thread on the AVRT method. I have been following it and working to understand it. It resonates with many people, and as far as I'm concerned, whatever gets you off the sauce is worthy of investigation.

So, yes, ETA, I will respect your wishes and I think Mark has a great idea - put it in your signature, (respectfully of course!) I have made a personal commitment to respond to the OP's specific request. I may respond differently if you are posting in the 12-step forum. I have been known to suffer insert-foot-in-mouth disease, and if I have offended anyone, I apologize. That is not my intent.

I pray that everyone who stumbles onto these boards finds a life free from alcohol and substances. I will stand here ready to offer help and hope, because it is possible - without a doubt. And in doing so, you are all a help to me as I maintain my sobriety. It's what we do best.

Nirvana1

You seem to be doing great on your own....oh wait...

horsekisses

I would think if suggesting AA to newcomers or someone that is struggling could possibly help them it would be worth the risk of offending someone.

Aegian

I have found the Welcoming Newcomers forum a true blessing because I know I don't have all the answers and have been amazed daily at what others have experienced and what works for them. If you don't like a more generic support forum, maybe look into the Secular Connections subforum here? They are very helpful in there and will allow you to restrict your options to those you desire to pursue!

ETA

Wellwisher - you're comments are always helpful and not presumptive.

There's just times when I think folks are more vulnerable and it's hard to just ignore things.

I think it's important to remember

• This is text with no facial cues or tone of voice.
• Not everyone remembers who you are, the last thing you posted - you can't assume the reader knows the last time you spoke to them.
• Sometimes tough love is just tough.

example of possible miscommunication -
- was that a lighthearted joke, a lesson, a slam? Without any other input from it comes across very snarky. My reaction is defensive and my reply is --I'm not doing great - never said I was - that doesn't mean AA is the only answer for me.

Of course it could have been a little jab meant in good fun... I'm fairly sure Nirvana1 is someone who has been of great help to me...

I made a mistake on here once trying to make a joke and it came off incredibly insensitive.

ETA

that is an excellent piont Aegian! i didn't think of it that way.

Aegian

Be prepared to read. ALOT. The members of this group have the most organized favorites/bookmarks files I think I have ever seen.

LOL!

ETA

I really think a big part of it is my extra fussy / over sensitive... Feel free to IGNORE me!!

I do appreciate that folks are willing to talk about this stuff.

Nirvana1

Actually I'm a little offended the length you are going to kind of bring down AA. I have heard too many times from people who talk about recovery programs not working, but are actually self willing their abstinence and still drinking.

I have no problem with people saying I use X to stay sober and don't like X, but it has just rubbed me the wrong way this whole post of "Don't Mention AA!!!!!!!!!!!!" from someone who is still drinking.

You are probably a really nice person and that's just my opinion on this thread.