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day one... again.

Old 10-16-2011, 04:48 AM
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day one... again.

well, im on day one... again. i got to day 9 for the first time in a while, then my second day out of the house i ****** up. the first day, i saw some people i knew, i smoked some pot with them (not on my list of no-nos) and i was alright. i had a good time but not too good of a time, and i was myself. on day 9, i went out, i smoked some again, and i was alright. then later on that day i ****** up and i went downtown and got a little bit or my choice addiction. no big deal i though. then when i did that i went to a party that i would have declined, had i not took that one little bit. then i did so much there, i decided to blow the money i saved not doing it on high quality "stuff." so that lasted me until yesterday, i still had $40 dollars left and i got some alcohol. im drunk right now and i dont know if that against the forum rules but damn it i need to get this off my chest and if im not drunk im not honest. im sorry if anybody read my other post and had hope in me, but i couldnt do it. im hoping for at least a little longer this time but im not sure if i can. "success is not final, failure is not fatal. it is the courage to continue that counts"-winston churchill.
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Old 10-16-2011, 04:58 AM
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Maybe you need to widen your list of no nos ToBI?

I dunno about you, but the thing about weed for me was, not matter how good my resolve was when I was straight - once I was wasted? all bets were off.

I'm a great admirer of Churchill but he wasn't talking about recovery - 'failure' can be fatal here ToBI.

I think sometimes we have to get back to basics - if you want change, you need to make some changes.

I think support makes a lot of difference too. What are you doing for support?

D
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Old 10-16-2011, 05:17 AM
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You can do it, you can.

As Dee said, it would be a good start to widen your list of No-no's. It sounds like smoking pot led you back to drinking.

I'm really glad that you came here and posted and know that you can get through this.
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Old 10-16-2011, 05:26 AM
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well, yeah, i probably do need to stop everything, but it wasnt the pot that made me buy it i dont think. i was just out(several hours after coming down from the pot), somebody else said they knew somebody that could get it from(didnt know them) and i said what the hell. as for the fatal subject, yeah it could be, i know. i really dont have anything to say to that besides yeah, its true. i also know i need to make changes but everybody i know smokes, or drinks, or does something. if i cut off all ties i would be just as bad off if i still talked to those people because i was in a situation where i had no friends, and then i was using more than if i did have friends. and as for support i have none, im doing it by myself. i know it sounds ridiculous, but i cant tell my mom, my friends, well you already know that situation, therapists put me in a system where i met more people just trying to get a fix, and anybody else would tell me to get a therapist. i know it sounds like im just trying to reject ideas but ive really tried a lot of things, short of options where everybody knows what im on and what im doing.
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Old 10-16-2011, 05:31 AM
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You need to make the hard changes if you want this to work.

That means staying away from friends who use, making new friends, finding new activities to fill your life. I know it sounds hard, and it is, but it's a big part of recovery.
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Old 10-16-2011, 05:41 AM
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well, i know its hard. i can try at the very least. thank you again for your help, ill keep you updated and ill do my best... wish me luck.

grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change; the courage to change the things i can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am not christian, but i do believe in a higher power. may this higher power help me through these times, along with other members of SR. thank you all once again.
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Old 10-16-2011, 06:14 AM
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Hi ToBI: I'm here because I'm a drunk. Long ago, in a past life, I was also a pothead. Crude terms, but they apply. I really think each person is different, and you may well indeed have been unaffected by the pot with regard to your drinking. I know those many years ago I lived for that bong hit. Having a few beers later was often, but not always, a natural extension. With me, it was all the same Big Brain experience: I was seeking release. Release from what? I'm still looking into that as I try to escape my nemisis Mr. Beer. Consider putting pot on the "bad guy" activities list. It may help.
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Old 10-16-2011, 06:50 AM
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Trying doesn't get anyone very far into recovery. we need to DO a new way of living. I know pot would be a gateway to drinking again. It's not worth another Day One.

Best wishes!
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