ryanriley

Been sober since may 15,, the financial, marital, relationship problems just keep coming and coming,, they havent improved,, dont go away, and is a huge problem in my life.. OK im sober,, now i deal with all of this overwhelming financial burden i have placed my family in.. I cant focus from day to day. I feel ok one day and am ok, then the next day the anxiety is unreal.. I seriously question if sobriety is worth it.. I really do.. I know it should be, but i really question it.. This is going to be one of those days of constant worry and fear of the future..

Dee74

I think sometimes it just takes time and effort, Ryan.

I don;t think there are any short cuts, and I'm kinda glad now - I learned a lot about responsibility and patience and the man I wanted to be by cleaning up the mess I made.

It's like that old joke 'How do you eat an elephant?'...
'One bite at a time'...

Corny maybe - but it's applicable here...

I know it's hard but you have support here
D

BobGT

Congrats on your sober time! Keep it up.

Maybe a doctor or counselor could give you some help with the anxiety. Just a suggestion. Best wishes.

Anna

I understand what you mean. It was facing the fallout of my drinking, that stopped me from getting sober for a long time. For me, it was mainly relationship problems with husband and children, but it felt like I had to climb a mountain. Try to have faith that things will work out. Prioritize what you need to work on each day, each week. Things may not always work out the way you want, but they will work out the way they are meant to work out.

gerryP

Ryan, things do improve in time but you have to work through everything one step at a time, none of it magically disappears because you are sober. The operative word here is "work" through it. Look at your situation and put everything in 'piles'. What can be fixed and what can't be fixed. let what can't be fixed go. Take an honest look at everything in your life and figure out what your options are to fix that which can be fixed. Financially, does it mean you need to pick up some part time work as an adjunct to your full time job. Does it mean down sizing what you do have in order to get ahead. Do you need therapy to help clear the fog, marital counselling? Take one day at a time. Break your current situation down in to pieces and start working on them piece by piece. best wishes Ryan and stay positive. It can be done, it takes time, effort and commitment. it's all so worth it. You have a whole new life waiting for you, now go get it.

MsJax

Hi ryanriley. I hate that anxiety too. Congratulations on your sober time! I quit drinking in March and as I got sober and progressed, I saw myself from a distance as walking through wreckage left by me. I hold my head up now and make sure none of it happens again. I fix what I can and that is my way of making amends-to now always do things to the best of my ability & make things right. It's hard at times but I'm a much better person when I'm not a drunk, I'd probably be dead by now if I had continued.

I know it feels hopeless sometimes but just keep on. The thing is (& I'm a worrier too) is that you can worry all you want, but worry doesn't fix one thing. Neither does drinking. You have done well.

sugarbear1

Ryan, if you were still drinking, you wouldn't be changing anything for a better future. Things would be worse & you'd be drunk. Do you go to aa meetings? Have a sponsor? Gotten to step 9? It saved my life. I wish you well.

least

Would this all be 'worth it' if you were still drinking? Still accumulating wreckage? You may be facing a lot of garbage but at least sober you're not adding to it.

chainsaw4618

RR: Presumably, a lot of these difficult aspects of life were what reinforced your drinking. Now that you have the drinking on the run (Congrats on that!), the problems pop up again vividly, because now you are sober and can see things in a more realistic manner. I think the best approach is to focus on the things that can be addressed most readily. Start to make progress in a few simple areas and it can strengthen your ability to go after the big problems. Going after the big fish right off the bat can be very frustrating, and that frustration can be the perfect excuse for you brain to entice you back into drinking. Best of luck.

SSIL75

I think most of us sober up and realize our coping skills are at best, inadequate. Avail of all the help there is! Financial workshops run through your community center? Relationship retreats? There are knowledgeable people out there who will help you learn what you need to know to thrive in this world.

Congrats on your sober time!

debsam

Hi RR,

I agree with Bob - perhaps a doctor could help you with the anxiety...please don't pick up.

We can’t solve our problems when we use the same kind of thinking that created them – Albert Einstein

laurie6781

Well I can guarantee you that the 'wreckage' of my past was not gone in 5 months. Mine took years and years.

Especially the financial. I tackled that one first. Wrote letters and then called my creditors, I was over $100,000 in debt on my credit cards and this was 1981. I made arrangements after I made a 'budget' that kept me on a very short leash. They each
agreed to it.

I lived like a pauper, but that was still better than living on the streets as I had done the last 1 1/2 years of my drinking. It took me over 5 years, but I paid them ALL off, I did not file bankruptcy. A year later I got a Master Card and a Visa card. I still have those same two cards, yes with a higher credit availability, but I rarely use them, and when I do I pay it off when the bill comes in. Those are for an EMERGENCY and so far I have had only one that I have needed to use them.

However, my practices in austerity in those first years have held me in good stead now for many a year, in good times and bad.

My relationships could not be 'mended' with words. They took a lot of time. They were only mended when my ACTIONS over time showed that my WORDS were true.

By working hard, working on me hard, working the steps, and then learning how to live the steps, keeping my nose to the grindstone, life did get good IN TIME. And is still good today.

I had to realize in my early recovery that it took a LONG time for me to get beneath the 'bottom of the barrel' and it was going to take a LONG TIME for me to climb back out. I watched and studied the folks in AA that 'walked the way they talked' and yes I mimicked them to the best of my ability and with their guidance and the guidance of my sponsor, life started to get better.

Take a look at my signature. That was me for a very long time, and I can still get close once in a while to the alligators being up to my butt. roflmao

J M H O

Love and hugs,