10 days sober and counting....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
10 days sober and counting....
I have not had a drink in 10 days.
There was a time when I drank every day. There was a time when I drank every other day. And then, there was a time when I drank every few days. That's the longest I've gone without drinking in four in a half years.
Until 10 days ago.
I got sick of the vicious cycle.
Step 1) Drink too much.
Step 2) Wake up hung over.
Step 3) Cancel all unnecessary appointments for the day.
Step 4) Go to bed early, and vow never to drink again.
Step 5) Wake up feeling slightly refreshed.
Step 6) Convince myself it's OK to drink again, because it's been FOREVER since my last drink.
Step 7) Rinse, and repeat.
I've gained 40 pounds since I started to drink. I no longer like to see myself in pictures because I use to be prettier than this.
I've been hit by a car while crossing the street, because I was drunk and not paying attention.
I was running down the street drunk one night. I fell and busted out my three front teeth. $10K later, I have a really expensive smile.
I slur my words when I'm drunk. I try to hide how drunk I am, but it's totally obvious to everyone. It's embarrassing.
I like to drink alone.
I like to drink with other 'drinkers'.
I don't like people who don't drink. They are better than me.
I don't like people who can drink only a beer or two. They amaze me, and I'm jealous of them.
My girlfriend is an alcoholic. She still drinks.
We fight all the time because there is too much alcohol running through our veins not to fight over something!
10 days ago was her birthday. I drank too much. I woke up the next morning vowing never to drink again (see step 4). Except, this time I haven't.
I don't want to drink any more. I don't like the way it makes me feel about myself. I don't like the way it makes me feel about my life. It's not hard to not drink- It's hard to drink.
10 days sober, and my face looks thinner. My body feels lighter. I sleep well. I can see my alcoholism for what it really is. I can see my life without it. I have not set a timeline for myself. I didn't drink today. And I'm not going to drink tomorrow. And I didn't drink yesterday. That's all I want to know.
I have a pretty damn good life. It's not perfect, but it's mine.
I'm smart. I'm kind. I'm capable. I'm a good person. I'm sober.
There was a time when I drank every day. There was a time when I drank every other day. And then, there was a time when I drank every few days. That's the longest I've gone without drinking in four in a half years.
Until 10 days ago.
I got sick of the vicious cycle.
Step 1) Drink too much.
Step 2) Wake up hung over.
Step 3) Cancel all unnecessary appointments for the day.
Step 4) Go to bed early, and vow never to drink again.
Step 5) Wake up feeling slightly refreshed.
Step 6) Convince myself it's OK to drink again, because it's been FOREVER since my last drink.
Step 7) Rinse, and repeat.
I've gained 40 pounds since I started to drink. I no longer like to see myself in pictures because I use to be prettier than this.
I've been hit by a car while crossing the street, because I was drunk and not paying attention.
I was running down the street drunk one night. I fell and busted out my three front teeth. $10K later, I have a really expensive smile.
I slur my words when I'm drunk. I try to hide how drunk I am, but it's totally obvious to everyone. It's embarrassing.
I like to drink alone.
I like to drink with other 'drinkers'.
I don't like people who don't drink. They are better than me.
I don't like people who can drink only a beer or two. They amaze me, and I'm jealous of them.
My girlfriend is an alcoholic. She still drinks.
We fight all the time because there is too much alcohol running through our veins not to fight over something!
10 days ago was her birthday. I drank too much. I woke up the next morning vowing never to drink again (see step 4). Except, this time I haven't.
I don't want to drink any more. I don't like the way it makes me feel about myself. I don't like the way it makes me feel about my life. It's not hard to not drink- It's hard to drink.
10 days sober, and my face looks thinner. My body feels lighter. I sleep well. I can see my alcoholism for what it really is. I can see my life without it. I have not set a timeline for myself. I didn't drink today. And I'm not going to drink tomorrow. And I didn't drink yesterday. That's all I want to know.
I have a pretty damn good life. It's not perfect, but it's mine.
I'm smart. I'm kind. I'm capable. I'm a good person. I'm sober.
Congrats on your ten days sober. That's a good start to a better life. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 429
Welcome, harshmistress! You're so right about the vicious cycle. I always thought not drinking would be boring, but being stuck in that cycle and seeing it written out seems way more boring. I found myself nodding along with all of the other points you made, too. Keep up your positive outlook. We could use some of that around here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
I'm almost done with day 11.
My girlfriend asked me to drive her to the liquor store.
Today is a trigger day for me- lazy Sunday, just waiting to hit the work week again.
I wasn't tempted though. I just thought of the hang over and the disappointment in myself.
So I'm here sober, and she's in the other room with her bottle of wine.
It's sad, really.
My girlfriend asked me to drive her to the liquor store.
Today is a trigger day for me- lazy Sunday, just waiting to hit the work week again.
I wasn't tempted though. I just thought of the hang over and the disappointment in myself.
So I'm here sober, and she's in the other room with her bottle of wine.
It's sad, really.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
I'm wrapping up day 12.
Feeling pretty good. Went to the gym.
On the way home I started to think about how my drinking problem started and escalated. And, how I didn't realize how bad it was until I got sober for a few days, and could see it for what it really was. I can't believe I did that to myself, and thought it was OK or normal for so long.
Here's hoping I never have to go back there again.
12 days, and counting....
Feeling pretty good. Went to the gym.
On the way home I started to think about how my drinking problem started and escalated. And, how I didn't realize how bad it was until I got sober for a few days, and could see it for what it really was. I can't believe I did that to myself, and thought it was OK or normal for so long.
Here's hoping I never have to go back there again.
12 days, and counting....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Congrats on 12 days!
That vicious cycle does not need to happen again but the folks I hear and read had to work to get long term sobriety and a life they really enjoy that goes with it. Sounds like the costs of drinking versus what I read and even feel now about sobriety make drinking not attractive or an option , at least for me.
Stopping and seeing the damage to the drinker and people around them can be a bit shocking. Alcohol is so sneaky for me , I thought being half cut or more was normal during binges too. Really its quite abnormal and what a messy person I become. Acting out , injuries , arguments over nothing ,,,yup sounds familiar.
Wishing you all the best
Have a good 24 !
That vicious cycle does not need to happen again but the folks I hear and read had to work to get long term sobriety and a life they really enjoy that goes with it. Sounds like the costs of drinking versus what I read and even feel now about sobriety make drinking not attractive or an option , at least for me.
Stopping and seeing the damage to the drinker and people around them can be a bit shocking. Alcohol is so sneaky for me , I thought being half cut or more was normal during binges too. Really its quite abnormal and what a messy person I become. Acting out , injuries , arguments over nothing ,,,yup sounds familiar.
Wishing you all the best
Have a good 24 !
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 92
Vicious cycle
Today is day 8 for me, after trying to handle and enjoy my drinking for the last nineteen years. I had been sober for over 6.5 years before that. I can so relate to your vicious cycle. Kept asking myself everyday why. Thank for sharing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
I'm halfway through day 13, and I'm having my first real cravings.
It's the "I want to do something bad, a few drinks won't hurt, everyone else does it" voice in my head.
Today is another trigger day for me- girlfriend is at work all night, so I'm going to write some music which is my favorite time to get a few drinks, smoke a pack of cigarettes, and take a few bong hits just to get the creative juices flowing.
(In reality, I would usually end up surfing the web most of the night, and totally neglect any musical pursuit I had set out to accomplish).
So instead, I'll take a deep breath.
Hit the gym.
And accept a wonderful night of sobriety.
Tomorrow, I will be better off for it.
Besides, I've lost weight and life feels great without it.
Here's to day 14!
It's the "I want to do something bad, a few drinks won't hurt, everyone else does it" voice in my head.
Today is another trigger day for me- girlfriend is at work all night, so I'm going to write some music which is my favorite time to get a few drinks, smoke a pack of cigarettes, and take a few bong hits just to get the creative juices flowing.
(In reality, I would usually end up surfing the web most of the night, and totally neglect any musical pursuit I had set out to accomplish).
So instead, I'll take a deep breath.
Hit the gym.
And accept a wonderful night of sobriety.
Tomorrow, I will be better off for it.
Besides, I've lost weight and life feels great without it.
Here's to day 14!
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Congratulations on Day 13! It does get easier. You seem to already know how to "play the tape through to the end", and understand the consequences if you take a drink. That's awesome...it took me a while to learn to do that. Just keep it up. The cravings will pass.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
I've been sober for 15 days.
This is starting to feel like a real lifestyle now.
I survived my second band rehearsal sans alcohol and cigarettes.
I'm not really bothered by the fact that at least one of my bandmates drinks and smokes during rehearsal. At least, not until we're done, and I'm on the way home and realizing I'm still sober. Then there's a pang. It goes away quickly, especially when I remember how I use to feel going home drunk and having downed a pack of cigarettes in the course of two hours- I felt like a loser. 35 and still acting like a teenager on a Wednesday night. At least now, it's all about the work.
I've stepped up the gym routine, but admit that since I've forbidden myself alcohol and cigarettes, I have given myself complete license to eat whatever I want.
I'm not sure if this is OK for now, or displacing the addiction?
This is starting to feel like a real lifestyle now.
I survived my second band rehearsal sans alcohol and cigarettes.
I'm not really bothered by the fact that at least one of my bandmates drinks and smokes during rehearsal. At least, not until we're done, and I'm on the way home and realizing I'm still sober. Then there's a pang. It goes away quickly, especially when I remember how I use to feel going home drunk and having downed a pack of cigarettes in the course of two hours- I felt like a loser. 35 and still acting like a teenager on a Wednesday night. At least now, it's all about the work.
I've stepped up the gym routine, but admit that since I've forbidden myself alcohol and cigarettes, I have given myself complete license to eat whatever I want.
I'm not sure if this is OK for now, or displacing the addiction?
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