bayliss

Still here....
Still coming onto SR everyday.

Today it's a cold cold day in Canada {no snow yet}, but windy, damp, cold....right to the bones.
All you ever think about on days like this when being an alcoholic is how nice it would be to curl up under the blankets, with your pet or significant other, watch a movie, have some comfort food...but no tea, no coffee, no hot chocolate...but a glass of wine {or other alcoholic beverage}. You think...for some reason that that is what makes everything sublime...shimmery, comforting, amazing...ugh.
You think that you can't have a good time on nights like these with a nice cup of pumpkin chai or hazelnut coffee...

I was doing good...again...still trying...still battling that voice...everything went down the tubes when one of my best friends of 14 years...my cat, went to the vet and I was told his kidneys are failing.
They don't know how long he has...I cannot face the fact that one day he will be gone...
I have given him such unconditional love since he was a baby. I just half expected that they live forever.

I thought the other day...what if I had to put him down? I would most certainly be half drunk...I was halfway there when I had to take him to the vet...
I can't do that to him though...why is this voice so much stronger then anything?
And what's funnier, is all the people that are telling you that you need to stop drinking...are okay with it when you're going through difficult times such as this.

Just a little rant. Not so much a rant as much as I am here saying hello, hoping everyone is having a fabulous weekend...
Keeping you posted.

I will get there...I know I will. I will be so happy to come on here though and let everyone know when I finally make it to 30 days.

Much love to everyone on here.

-Bayliss+

Dee74

Hi Bayliss

For 20 years or so my response to every crisis was to drink - I expect you've fallen into the same rut.

We can make different choices tho - and every time we deal with traumatic situations sober we start learning new skills and I think we grow a little

I'm really sorry about your cat - it's tough seeing our loved ones hurting and in pain...

but he's relying on you to take care of him...please don't walk away from that responsibility, even slightly, by drinking....he needs you more than ever right now.

when love comes into the equation, I think all of us are stronger than we know

D

basias

Hi Bayliss.......

I just posted on someone's thread not long ago about our animals and how drinking affects them.

I was a binge drinker, and while on a binge (as much as I love her) I would unintentionally neglect my cat, and during black-outs and pass-outs would not change her kitty litter, give her fresh water, or feed her properly. Animals sense our behavior and become frightened. While I was drinking, she would hide in closets or cupboards, afraid of me when I walked around the house because I was so unsteady and tore everything up so badly.

The minute I was done drinking and started to sober up.....she would start to feel secure again, and it always made me feel so bad......that I had created an environment of "fear" for her.

Our drinking not only affects our human loved ones.......it also affects our
animals, who depend on us 100% for care and love. I can tell you love your cat......so be there, sober and loving.

Hang in there Bayliss......you can do it.

Boleo

My dog saved my life when I was at the nadir of my drinking. The only sense of purpose I had in my life was taking care of her. That kept me going when I would have given up on my own.

Anna

Bayliss, you can get through issues like that without drinking. But, the only way to do it, is to just do it. You will get stronger.

And, for the sake of your beloved cat, stay sober and take the best care of him. He's given you 14 years of love, and he deserves a sober Mom to look after him.