mhealer3

i made it through 20+ yrs married to ah,
& raised my handicapped son (nearly alone)--
while working fulltime.
i got divorced last Christmas,@ age 50--
& as i am now leaving my apartment-- (because the owner is a slumlord)
my 84 year old mother starts harrassing me AGAIN.

i realize she's deteriorated mentally, but her nasty phone calls
are the last thing i need. she refuses 2 move 2 assisted living.
i've done a very good job caring 4 her over the years,
& i am the only one she has left. (my 31 yr old sister died 1n 1994).

but just like my ah, mother thinks nothing of me, & all of herself.
i cannot tell her anything because criticism is all i get. (50 years worth.)
it's not ok anymore. today i called her doctor again to inform him.
i need someone 2 know how abusive she is, how mean.
while i look 4 a new residence & a new job, i have all i can do to not
take a drink or pills, just 2 make it easier.
it's pitiful how cruel my 'family' has been to me. i'm like their toilet.

i wonder, is anybody else's family like this?

MMkM

You mention you are the one caring for her as in she is going to move in with you as you are having to move and find work?

If she cannot live on her own and you cannot take care of her or what recourse does she have but to live elsewhere?

That is good you are talking with her Dr. about her going a little bit more downhill and have doubts of her being able to care for herself alone.

What are your options in this situation. I don't want to sound mean but do you really need her to bring you down. Dump toxicity on you. Worse make you want to drink or take pills to cope - that would put yourself in jeapardy. Get tough about this situation immediately. Nothing is worth your safety and ability to support yourself now and find work.

Have you read any of the ACOA stickies in the that forum?

I would not want a visit with my family members much less have them move in or care for them in their home.

mhealer3

thanks 4 reply.
yes, mother is very toxic, probably insane.
she can live alone easily, but since she does nothing all day,
and won't take her medication...
she obsesses (about anything) & ends up leaving ugly phone messages 4 me, which i ignore.
this keeps up for months sometimes. i don't think her dr. can do anything.
i'm considering getting a new phone #, (but then i can't give my # to my son either, 'cause he would just give it to her.) he's autistic.
so even though i hate the very sound of her voice,
i'm meeting her 4 'lunch' tomorrow(probably won't eat much).
this is because about once a year i feel sorry for her,
so i give it another try.
then i hate myself some more--for putting myself through it all over again.
(i can't make it through seeing her without something to numb-me-up,
that's not optional).
thanks 4 caring, i'll pray for God 2 bless u.

marie1960

Perhaps when you talk with her doctor, you can metion the decline you see in your mother, and a visit from the social worker may be in order to evaluate her current condition. The social worker will be able to evaluate if she can meet her own needs or if additional assistance is in order, such as assisted living, or home health care. Just a thought..........
Sending you a hug)))) remember to take care of you.

mhealer3

thank God the lunch got cancelled 2day....mother wasn't feeling good.

o my God, i'm almost hyper from sheer relief.
i know that's abnormal, but it's true....i'm kinda shaky even.

i think i'll find a task 2 do today to get focused on something else.
thanks for listening friends, God bless u all