luvmyfurbabies

Tomorrow is the day I'm moving next door to the garage apartment. I know it's not far but it's still going to be a big change. I have been with my AH for 16 years and married for almost 7. We bought this house 15 years ago. I'm sad for the fact that he is letting alcohol control him. About 5 years ago I started to find my own life and go places with my sister and my friends. He didn't care since he is almost a hermit anyway. When he gets home from work on Fridays' he doesn't want to go anywhere till Monday morning when he goes to work. To me, that's not living. His life revolves Nascar (imagine that), beer and cigarettes. I don't really care for either one. We have nothing in common anymore. I'm thinking that after living in the apartment for 6 months I can file for divorce. If this is is how he chooses to live the rest of his life that's his choice.....I'm done. We have 2 years left on our mortgage so he can either buy me out or we can sell it. I certainly don't need a house with 2 acres of land to take care of. My sister is coming to help me tomorrow and I know this is going to be so very uncomfortable and unpleasant but I have to do it for my own sanity. If you've read this far, thanks, and wish me luck. I'm tired of beating a dead horse. :horse

dollydo

Make your new space comfortable for you. A new beginning, a new peace.

Sending support your way...Doly

MMkM

That is the cutest dog on your avatar.

You sound like you are a dog lover. They give you support and help the way they can and will be a comfort. And how wonderful you will have your sister there to help you.

It must be tough, but be grateful you have a place to go to get away from the situation and a plan. Have read about so many that cannot afford to get away or are stuck in this economy with an alcoholic.

I know does not make it any less painful, but you are making the right first step! Reread all the stories of the women who did the steps you are doing and how much happier they are.

Plan something fun for yourself when you feel up to it after getting the move complete - you deserve it.

AMANDA911

Best wishes to you. You are a corageous woman for being able to make a decision that is best for you and then act on it.

fulloffaith

Good luck. From your post, it sounds like you know this is the "right" path, but it still hurts. I feel for you that you are hurting. Taking these steps to take care of you will make you stronger. You deserve to live a life of peace. It sounds like you have a plan in place to create that for yourself. I hope the hurting part helps you get to a place filled with peace and joy. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you well....

Razor7

I think you are strong and an amazing woman to have the strength to move. Plus, I am impressed that you realized 5 years ago that is not how you wanted to live and you started doing things with friends and family. It is going to be hard, but I know that you can do this. You have already dealt with so much. Sending you HUGS and strength for the move.

Tuffgirl

Thoughts and prayers for you...it is hard...but over time, it gets easier to keep moving forward. Stay strong!
~T

luvmyfurbabies

Thanks for the encouragement. Well, I am now mostly moved into the apartment. It feels very strange to be in moms' apartment without her here. I'm really glad my sister came to help me. It made things more bearable. AH never said anything but I did get some dirty looks. After 6 months I can file for divorce since I don't think he wants to change. No legal separation in DE. I am so grateful for this site. It's sad that any of us have to be here but wonderful that we can count on each other for support. Thanks!

MsPINKAcres

((LMF))

prayers of peace and comfort for you ~ I pray that the apartment will bring you joy and serenity.

Just to protect yourself - Have you seen an attorney? Even tho you can't file for a "Legal Seperation" There may be something you can file to protect yourself from futher "mutual maritial debt". Just from experience, when I left my now exah, he did a lot of things I didn't think he would ever do and it cost me a lot financially. Hopefully you can protect yourself. Never hurts to be cautious. Just a suggestion ~

Wishing you the very best!
PINK HUGS,
Rita

luvmyfurbabies

Thanks MsPink, that is an excellent idea.

luvmyfurbabies

Update......since I haven't been on for a while.....I hope that everyone is well and on the road to happiness. For me, it's been 6 months and nothing has changed except I have an appointment with a divorce attorney tomorrow morning. My AH is still in denial about the whole thing and I guess thinks I'm going to live in the garage apartment forever. Since we've been separated 6 months I can now file for divorce. Won't he be surprised? It's so sad that a 16 year relationship/marriage has to end like this but I want more out of life. I'm 52 years old and don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who's only joy in life is drinking, Nascar, and computer games. I know he's a hard worker (he still gives me his check every week) but he doesn't want to leave the house from Friday after work till Monday when he goes to work. To me, that's no kind of life. Sorry it took me so long to update.

Krys

You are right, that's not a life. Congrats on making such a huge step moving out, and now on filing for divorce. I know it must be a very hard thing to do, but you are very strong to be sticking to your guns and to be making such big changes. Good luck at your appointment tomorrow!