samwitch

Oh boy I can't believe this is happening. I had a crisis occur tonight that truely is rocking my world and I'm so tempted to chuck my 13 days of not drinking right out the window because if the worst happens I might as well go back to drinking b/c I can't imagine how my life will be.

I know I need to get a grip and be strong to get through this, no matter what happens and I truely don't want to deal with the outcome of the crisis tomorrow morning with a hangover, but caving in and obilterating all these feelings sure sounds tempting.

I also know I'm not providing much detail, and I know people have to deal with much worse situations and get through them w/o alcohol but somehow that's just barely keeping me from cracking up a bottle of wine.
any advice is welcome, please

Animal454

Stay strong...
I am sending sober mojo your way right...Can you feel it??

Scolova

I've really white-knuckled my way through many hours in the last 3 weeks, but I have to look at the many more good hours I have had sober. Just happened again earlier for about an hour, but now my (burning) mind and cravings are subsiding. We all have those 'things' that will happen either; minute by minute, hour by hour or just out of the blue. For me dealing with them is the same as others, If I can't imagine how I am going to deal with this sober... I sure as heck don't want to find out when coping with even more withdrawl pains. Just ain't worth it. One's too many, One Thousand's not enough.

samwitch

thanks, I need that mojo!I guess I'll try getting some sleep if possible.

eJoshua

"It could always be worse" - words to live by.

Stay strong, because whatever is going on drinking will only make it worse.

Dee74

Hi Samwitch

I can guarantee whatever it is, drinking over it will make it worse not better.

I spent 20 years running away from things and trying to avoid 'bad' feelings...in doing that I built myself the deepest darkest hole ever....

and the kicker was - when I sobered up, I still had the initial problem waiting for me

I'd rather face things now...I find the fear of a situation is almost always far worse than the situation itself.

You can do this - you're not alone

D

samwitch

wellI made it through last night.Time to find out and deal with the issue at hand and then later continue to try to cope.
Thanks, I hope my resolve holds up.

ForeverDecember

Good luck Sam! As someone also starting the sobriety journey I found it very inspiring that you were able to make it through the night. I could feel the desperation and emotion in your initial post and to know you made it through is just incredibly inspirational for me.

Dee74

don't just hope it will hold up, Samwitch - make it so
Keep reaching out - you're not alone here

D

Threshold

Samwich, all sorts of hugs, and then some.

I am the queen of the white knuckles lately. Yesterday I was reading, here of course, about surrender. My problem with white knuckling is that I can only do it so long. I either surrender or "take something to increase my strength". The stupid thing is that the thing I think about taking, is just a surrender of a different kind, so something, drugs/alcohol or one of my other addictions. And surrendering to that, I already know where that is going to take me.

I could surrender to reality, but I feel like I know where that is going to take me too, even though I have little experience with it, and if I am honest it's taken me on some awesome if bumpy rides. The rapids are scary as heck, and rocky too, but usually they are pretty short lived. I'm in some situations I really don't want to be in. If I drink, I'll still be in them, except drunk. If I surrender to reality (some people call it HP) I will end up someplace different.

I need to let go, of my stranglehold on my situations, of my expectations, of demanding that someone "save" me. I need to surrender to reality and get on with things.

I need to no longer consider "using" as an option for me.

Sounds like you are coming to terms with things a bit this morning. I'm going to go for a walk and see if I can loosen a few of my knots. There are a lot of better things I could be hanging on to in my life, and I might be able to grab hold of a few if I let go of this issue I am white knuckling it over.

sugarbear1

Whatever it is, you can do it Better Sober!

Mark75

I think a whole lot of people can identify with that Sam. I know I could.

What's it gonna take to develop the faith that your life will be better, perhaps even more that you can imagine, if you quit drinking? No matter what happens?

Keep coming back!

CarolD

perhaps it's a good time to check out what your local AA is all about?
Just go and listen....lot's of people there will be working towards sobreity..

Animal454

How you holding up Sammy?