when will the pain go away?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
when will the pain go away?
When will the pain go away?
After our divorce my addict xhusband had me fooled he was a changed man and totally clean. 4 days later he proved not. It has been lies and broken promises ever since. And crazy me is surprised everytime. Finally, after crying all day Saturday and an emotional Sunday I have seen the light. I am done. No more contact. He doesn't hear anything I say anyways. He has demonized me and blames me for everything. He seems insane and totally irrational to me. I have educated myself. I get it. This is how an addict operates, but it hurts so bad. I still love him. And here I am thinking about contacting him tonight after I promised I wouldn't do so. I keep thinking he will come back to me. I am the one who is a bit delusional as well. It just hurts. It really is like a death.
After our divorce my addict xhusband had me fooled he was a changed man and totally clean. 4 days later he proved not. It has been lies and broken promises ever since. And crazy me is surprised everytime. Finally, after crying all day Saturday and an emotional Sunday I have seen the light. I am done. No more contact. He doesn't hear anything I say anyways. He has demonized me and blames me for everything. He seems insane and totally irrational to me. I have educated myself. I get it. This is how an addict operates, but it hurts so bad. I still love him. And here I am thinking about contacting him tonight after I promised I wouldn't do so. I keep thinking he will come back to me. I am the one who is a bit delusional as well. It just hurts. It really is like a death.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 38
I am so sorry for your pain. I think that the time and space will do you well and help you to begin to heal. It isn't going to be easy because he is a habit to you and it takes time to break a habit. Everytime you have the urge to contact him do something else for 20 min. That may help. Take care of you.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 62
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain right now, trust me I can relate. There isn't anything that anyone can say to make the you feel better so I'm not going to try. Just try to take small steps at a time and eventually they will add up to a big accomplishment. To me it is still a constant battle with myself to not contact my ex, but after I realize its been so many hours/days and I've made it that far, somehow it gets a little easier. But know that we are here for you and if you have the urge to talk to him, just post here...that's what I have been doing 
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Speaking from personal experience.....the pain will go away as time goes on.
Tomorrow will be just weee bit easier.
Next week will seem just a bit lighter.
Any time to you need to let out the grief, you can come here.....we are always open!
Tomorrow will be just weee bit easier.
Next week will seem just a bit lighter.
Any time to you need to let out the grief, you can come here.....we are always open!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
I don't know if it does ever totally go away, I am still kind of new to this to.
But I do find a new kind of peace and joy just not having to deal with the A lies and disruptions. I am slowly getting a life back.
When your feeling down or need someone to talk to were here.
But I do find a new kind of peace and joy just not having to deal with the A lies and disruptions. I am slowly getting a life back.
When your feeling down or need someone to talk to were here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
The less contact, the better. 5 days for me and no word...life is getting a little more peaceful. This Sunday will be two weeks sence he moved out. I don't know how long it takes...I know if I don't enable him he'll stay away and get help when he is ready. So I'm putting my sanity as a first priority and hoping he won't try anything. I just need some major space and so does my marriage. It's funny half the time I'm crying because he hasn't called me in 5 days and half the time I am overjoyed at not having to deal with the conundrum of vipers.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Story,
My ex is not an addict, but he broke my heart. I too keep leading myself into areas that I KNOW will hurt, but yet I do. I don't know why we do that.
Very recently I realized that I was still needing the contact with the man and the relationship that was there before he hurt ( and left) me. That person no longer exists, so I can't have was isn't there.
I find myself daily thinking about the "us" that was, not the reality of what is. So I'm now determined to stay in reality. I know had things not gone sour, we would have had a good life. But that isn't reality.
Its baby steps for me too.
I hope this helped a little. Keep posting and always remember we're here when you need an ear.
(((hugs)))
My ex is not an addict, but he broke my heart. I too keep leading myself into areas that I KNOW will hurt, but yet I do. I don't know why we do that.
Very recently I realized that I was still needing the contact with the man and the relationship that was there before he hurt ( and left) me. That person no longer exists, so I can't have was isn't there.
I find myself daily thinking about the "us" that was, not the reality of what is. So I'm now determined to stay in reality. I know had things not gone sour, we would have had a good life. But that isn't reality.
Its baby steps for me too.
I hope this helped a little. Keep posting and always remember we're here when you need an ear.
(((hugs)))
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