SunnyinSC

Monday I told the ABF that I needed my space and he needed his. I told him it was time to work on ourselves since we are not working as a couple. He agreed with that, and I know that’s my way of pansy-ing out of breaking it off with him (since we are “just taking a break”), but I’m not emotionally ready to give up yet. I will say that I haven't been to his house since, so the stress of counting the cans of beer is a bit of relief!

I’ve looked at the different Al-anon classes, but they are confusing to me. They have names like ‘How it Works’ and ‘Courage to Change’ – are these different types of classes or are they just named differently to keep everything straight?

My ABF is now more receptive to me if I should need his help. He helped me move my piano into my house yesterday and has brought me things from his house that I have forgotten. In my mind I think that I’m helping him with his recovery - if I keep him out of the house and give him something to do to keep him from his boredom - but I know that’s just me thinking positively and unrealistically. I’ve kinda convinced myself he’s doing better because when I call to check on the kittens, he sounds like he hasn’t been slamming the beers down. He’s at a 4-5 beer level at night according to the sound of his voice rather than the normal 12 pack.

The biggest hurdle is going to be this weekend. I’m actually going to be away (like I tried to be last week…then he sliced his head open), and I won’t be able to jump in the car to “save” him should anything go awry. This will be a good lesson for me in trying to let him go and trying to get the worry out of my head and have a great time with my sisters. I know that if he decides to drink liquor this weekend, he probably won’t have a job when I come back on Tuesday. I guess we shall see, but that's out of my hands!

I’m trying to stay positive and focus on me. That’s partly what the piano is about and getting out of town as well.

Pelican

"How it Works" and "Courage to Change" are titles of Alanon Literature. They may be advertising which materials will be the focus for that meeting.

There is a good bit of reading material available through Alanon. I have my favorites, and I have some that I prefer to skip. I am thankful for the many options available as I have been able to find what works best for me.

I hope you will try a few meetings to find your fit.

I am sending you (((hugs))) and support as you continue to take healthy steps for YOU.

outtolunch

Sounds a tad more like you are bored and prone to hopeful fantasies.

If keeping someone busy was the magical solution, none of us would be here.

Freedom1990

This is the ego of codependency talking. We think somehow we can "help" them, when in fact we can't.

It was really hard for me to look at my ego and accept that I am powerless over other people. It was a very humbling experience.

Programmatic

The Al-Anon Meeting names are generally selected simply to separate them by name only. That is, if Jim says he's going to the "Courage to Change" meeting then you know that he is at 1st Baptist church on Main Street at 8pm on Thursday (for example).

Once you get around to a few meetings, you will learn which ones fit your personality, your schedule and your spiritual needs the best. I suggest trying all of the available ones at least once.