Saving others at the expence of myself.

Old 10-12-2011, 02:19 PM
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Saving others at the expence of myself.

This is Characteristic of adult children.I confuse love and pity so I tend to Pity and Rescue others.I am also addicted to excitement............just cant let things be............I want that adrenalin rush..........even though I inwardly know its a Big part of my problem.
I get overly excited..........causing rushing thoughts...leading to Anxious Pain..and an Inability to relax.
I can be constantly giving out to myself....again causing more tention....on tention.I have become an approval seeker..loosing my own identity in the Process.

Been aware of all this I need to try and work on this Thought process of mine.
Know, that Im doing these things over and over for years now...hoping for different result...................I AM NUMBER ONE NOW>
It wont change unless I try and Practice a Solution.
Lovingly ....Try and imagine been my own loving Self....Caring always for me first.....Forgiving myself Constantly,If at first I dont suceed Try..Try...Try Again.
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Old 10-12-2011, 04:55 PM
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micealc,

Sounds like you know what you need to do and are doing it to the best of your ability, I wish you the best, always happy to listen if you need to vent.

Take care,

Bill
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:14 PM
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It took a lot of work for me to get out of that "saving" mode at the expense of myself!

Today I realize the only person I can fix is me, and I work at keeping that my priority.

This isn't to say I don't fall short of that at times, but I sure catch myself quicker and get back on the right track.
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:48 AM
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When I first started trying to take care of ME first, I had to pretend that I was a separate person from myself. I would ask myself something like "Self, if you were an outsider, how would you treat the Other Self?"

Only by making me not be part of me could I change the habit of putting others' needs before my own.

I'm much much much better than I used to be about this, but I still fall back on this trick of stepping outside myself and asking how I would treat another person in my situation when I feel myself neglecting me.

Just a thought. Take what you need, leave the rest.
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Old 10-14-2011, 06:46 PM
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Could you funnel your need for excitement into a healthier way - there are a lot of adrenaline seekers - but of course modify it and in a practical and safe way.

A way that would benefit you, more physical exercise? Any sports you would like to try. I love going to arcades and playing all the games there - a lot of fun and you get an outlet of excitement.

Do things that are for you. Be selfish in your recovery. Fill your needs in a way that aligns with your recovery plan.

If you pity and want to rescue people do so in a manner that does not involve any codependent way (don't know if you are a codie). I sign a lot of petitions that help people's issues and it is free. There are several petition websites that you just leave your signature and you are helping others at the same time. Or contact your govt. officials on issues regarding people that you are concerned about.

Oh and the obvious, just posting here is helping all of us on the forum and newcomers.
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Old 10-16-2011, 07:39 AM
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If you pity and want to rescue people do so in a manner that does not involve any codependent way (don't know if you are a codie). I sign a lot of petitions that help people's issues and it is free.
I, too, want to help humanity. I do it by putting $5 of each grocery shopping trip into food for the food bank (I used to donate blood since that was completely free and VERY useful, but they changed the rules on how long you could live in Europe due to mad cow disease, and I'm not eligible anymore - I was 1 pint short of 2 gallons when they changed the rules). I use every coupon I can find and try to get as much as possible for my $5. I figure that's not much different than a cup of coffee anymore, so it's not a lot of money, but it's some.

I also donate my unwanted stuff to places that give (or practically give) things to people who are in the greatest need. Thankfully, where I live, there are a lot of such places who need items to give to people who are trying to set themselves up in a household after some catastropic event (be it addiction + rehab, fire, domestic abuse etc) has left them on the verge of homelessness, or are actually homeless and trying to not be. Many a piece of old furniture has gone to someone who really needs it. Since I don't want it anymore, I figure it doesn't matter who gets it AND it helps with landfill usage.

I have learned to only give to those who aren't asking me directly. Those around me know that if they ask, the answer will probably be "no", but if I see a need, I will probably volunteer (I once offered a co-worker who was on very limited income $20 to go get her tires rotated because her front tires were completely bald - she refused, but she appreciated my concern for her). I'm no longer trying to rescue those who just don't want to take care of themselves. Instead, I'm trying to help humanity as a whole as best I can.

It's a good way to vent off some of my needs to make the world a better place, but do so in a healthy manner.
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