Trying to recover from alcoholism and a toxic relationship
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1
Trying to recover from alcoholism and a toxic relationship
Hello – I am new here and I need support! I am terrified of where to go next. I have been in a live in relationship for the past 4 years. My drinking has gotten out of control the last year or two. After searching the internet for advice and guidance I realized that this was an extremely toxic relationship that I needed to get out of. When I read articles about living with sociopaths I almost couldn’t breathe – I could have written those articles. Now I am setting out on my own and trying to recover from the breakup and deal with my alcoholism. It was such a viscous cycle…the worse he made me feel about myself the more I drank and of course that gave him more ammo to tear me down some more.
I should be in my new apartment by this weekend and I am a basket case. I am not blaming him for my drinking – I know it is my way of dealing with the pain but now what? By the grace of God I have never had legal or job problems due to my drinking but drinking a beer at 8:00 am on the way to work? Binge drinking until I pass out? What the hell is that? I am 1500 miles away from my family and support system – and I am not in a financial position to move back right now.
My goal is to get healthy – physically, emotionally and financially. But I feel so alone. I am 47 years old and starting over – again (I was divorced 6 years ago after 21 years of marriage). Drinking has become such a way of life the last year or two – I don’t want to be that crazy lady sitting in her apartment by herself passed out every night. I don’t recognize who I am anymore. I used to be an independent, strong, self confident woman (my ex husband was active duty special forces for 23 years and was deployed A LOT while I held down the home front). My self esteem and self confidence is at rock bottom.
I know that I can do this, that there is light at the end of the tunnel but I just feel so overwhelmed right now. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!
I should be in my new apartment by this weekend and I am a basket case. I am not blaming him for my drinking – I know it is my way of dealing with the pain but now what? By the grace of God I have never had legal or job problems due to my drinking but drinking a beer at 8:00 am on the way to work? Binge drinking until I pass out? What the hell is that? I am 1500 miles away from my family and support system – and I am not in a financial position to move back right now.
My goal is to get healthy – physically, emotionally and financially. But I feel so alone. I am 47 years old and starting over – again (I was divorced 6 years ago after 21 years of marriage). Drinking has become such a way of life the last year or two – I don’t want to be that crazy lady sitting in her apartment by herself passed out every night. I don’t recognize who I am anymore. I used to be an independent, strong, self confident woman (my ex husband was active duty special forces for 23 years and was deployed A LOT while I held down the home front). My self esteem and self confidence is at rock bottom.
I know that I can do this, that there is light at the end of the tunnel but I just feel so overwhelmed right now. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
You have a lot to deal with. Get a notepad & write a list for everything you need to do, prioritize your tasks and do one at a time. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Try finding an aa meeting for in person support & to talk about what's going on emotionally.
You'll find a stronger woman inside you soon enough. Be gentle with yourself, too!
Hugs,
You'll find a stronger woman inside you soon enough. Be gentle with yourself, too!
Hugs,
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
you are not alone. Please check out this forum DailyStrength Groups - Women who Love too Much it is to women in your (our) situation, what SR is to recovering addicts.
You are NOT alone. You CAN get through this.
You are NOT alone. You CAN get through this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome Squeeter - I'm so glad you found us. This is a wonderful place, where we all understand what you're going through. Posting and reading here will be very helpful for you during this time of transition.
I promise you everything can get better. I used alcohol to cope with problems all my life, never realizing it was my enemy. What was once fun and relaxing became a necessity. I couldn't do a thing without it by my side - and yes, I did drink on the way to work - and all day long too.
Everything will get better - the fog will lift. You have a great attitude, and you have us. You can have a whole new life.
I promise you everything can get better. I used alcohol to cope with problems all my life, never realizing it was my enemy. What was once fun and relaxing became a necessity. I couldn't do a thing without it by my side - and yes, I did drink on the way to work - and all day long too.
Everything will get better - the fog will lift. You have a great attitude, and you have us. You can have a whole new life.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 58
Hi Squeeter. We have much -- sooooo much in common -- right down to the living situation, which I went through a couple of months ago. All I can say is, even though you feel like a mess, you are on the right track and you CAN do it. Every day sober is one day closer to getting you back.
Even though I don't agree with everything offered up in AA, I find the fellowship and the singularity of purpose so incredibly comforting. You might want to check it out. I also find precious security in having a plan for each day -- whether it involves something "big" at work or something "small" at home like meals or cleaning. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and order amid the chaos inside.
I keep telling myself: Just do the next right thing. It hasn't (and I haven't) been perfect, but it IS better. SR is a great resource. Keep posting!
Even though I don't agree with everything offered up in AA, I find the fellowship and the singularity of purpose so incredibly comforting. You might want to check it out. I also find precious security in having a plan for each day -- whether it involves something "big" at work or something "small" at home like meals or cleaning. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and order amid the chaos inside.
I keep telling myself: Just do the next right thing. It hasn't (and I haven't) been perfect, but it IS better. SR is a great resource. Keep posting!
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