sad, lonely, tired, a little angry too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
sad, lonely, tired, a little angry too
and maybe even hungry.
H.A.L.T.
but here i am reeling in my mind about my sick not-boyfriend, who abandons me often, who is confusing, and who is actively ill without any medication or therapy.
it sucks, it hurts, i'm sad and trying not to have a pity party.
but tonight it is hard. the sadness in the pit of my stomach feels overwhelming. i feel so foolish.
how is it possible that i still love this guy even though he has no love for me whatsoever? what's wrong with me? i am so ashamed of my behavior in this relationship, much like after i blackout when drinking.
i need help from a higher power. I am lost. and sad.
H.A.L.T.
but here i am reeling in my mind about my sick not-boyfriend, who abandons me often, who is confusing, and who is actively ill without any medication or therapy.
it sucks, it hurts, i'm sad and trying not to have a pity party.
but tonight it is hard. the sadness in the pit of my stomach feels overwhelming. i feel so foolish.
how is it possible that i still love this guy even though he has no love for me whatsoever? what's wrong with me? i am so ashamed of my behavior in this relationship, much like after i blackout when drinking.
i need help from a higher power. I am lost. and sad.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Ocean, I am sorry you're sad and going through this, but if I recall, you are new to recovery yourself and that's a very emotional time for anyone.
Right now, your own sobriety matters more than anything. Your life may depend on it. I promise that the stronger you get in your own recovery, the better life will feel and the clearer decisions that need to be made will become.
Take good care of yourself, you are worth all the work it takes.
Hugs
Right now, your own sobriety matters more than anything. Your life may depend on it. I promise that the stronger you get in your own recovery, the better life will feel and the clearer decisions that need to be made will become.
Take good care of yourself, you are worth all the work it takes.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I'm going through a crappy time right now myself. Can't find a job. Losing my house. Boyfriend and I broke up. And someone sent me a message that said:
One day. Move to next.
I found comfort in it somehow.
It reminded me of early recovery where I gave my self permission to do whatever, eat whatever, or feel whatever I wanted without beating myself up over it. All I had to do was Not Use Drugs and then the rest would take care of itself. And it did. Sure life has it's up and downs. But I'm so glad I'm not stuck in crack hell. That was a real down that nothing can compare to.
Today is only temporary so don't dwell in the problems for too long. Move forward with your life and the things you need to do inspite of what you are feeling. (Sadness anger don't have to be paralyzing if you let yourself feel the emotions and then move on.) The pain will lessen and then disappear, and life will get better. But you have to let go of the past and the things that are anchoring you in it first.
"Act as if" is a good motto.
One day. Move to next.
I found comfort in it somehow.
It reminded me of early recovery where I gave my self permission to do whatever, eat whatever, or feel whatever I wanted without beating myself up over it. All I had to do was Not Use Drugs and then the rest would take care of itself. And it did. Sure life has it's up and downs. But I'm so glad I'm not stuck in crack hell. That was a real down that nothing can compare to.
Today is only temporary so don't dwell in the problems for too long. Move forward with your life and the things you need to do inspite of what you are feeling. (Sadness anger don't have to be paralyzing if you let yourself feel the emotions and then move on.) The pain will lessen and then disappear, and life will get better. But you have to let go of the past and the things that are anchoring you in it first.
"Act as if" is a good motto.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
i feel a bit better today - less obsessive.
but very very sad. I did write him an email, it was honest and loving.
he of course has not responded, and won't.
in my mind i've decided it's over. I have to focus on recovery, or i'll lose everything.
right now my needs are met, and i'm not sure i need more than that.
but very very sad. I did write him an email, it was honest and loving.
he of course has not responded, and won't.
in my mind i've decided it's over. I have to focus on recovery, or i'll lose everything.
right now my needs are met, and i'm not sure i need more than that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
I understand how you feel. For me, I am just taking it easy right now. I splurged on a KFC chicken sandwich because even though I could have cooked something at home...I was just too down. Allow yourself to just rest, light a candle, read a book. This is what I am doing. Also reach out to soneone else in recovery...call someone...if they don't pick up...go down the list. And keep posting here...the first thirty days are when the feelings come back. Writing it out gets it out. Go easy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
