MrAverage

Day three all over again for me.. So, I did the homework and found a meeting in my town. I'm trying to keep an open mind about the whole thing. I know they say it's non-denominational, but I'm still worried about individual perceptions within the group. As a result, I'm worried that my bullheadedness will get in the way of picking up any outside ideas. I've really got to try hard tonight to just listen and try to understand. I have a feeling my brain is going to be sore by the time I leave the meeting tonight. The rational side of me is saying "just show up, sit down, and listen. if you don't like it, find another meeting."

As much as I HATE to admit it, I realize that I do need outside support. I never ask ANYONE for help and this is one of the hardest things I'll have to deal with. I know that I should be proud that I acknowledge my problem and that I'm willing to get help. It just kills me that this is one of the few things in my life that I can't fix on my own.

sugarbear1

You'll be in a room full of independent people. We're stronger together!

Welcome home!

csim

MrAverage, I know exactly how you feel about the not asking people for anything. I'm the same way. I usually think that if I need to ask for help and can't figure stuff out on my own that it makes me weak. I like to think of myself as a strong person. I also get what you're saying about the whole you can't believe this is something you can't fix on your own. Not everyone is perfect and just because people like you and me ask for help doesn't make us weak or losers. We are trying to better ourselves and the people around you will love you even more for that. You are at least doing one thing better than me. I have yet to go to a meeting. I've thought about it but I just haven't. Not having a car right now doesn't help either. I have an uncle who has been to meetings before and he told me that I might not like where I first try one but there are plenty of other groups that meet at different locations. He told me to just try a few of them out and find one that I like. Maybe you could do the same thing. My guess is, is the people at the meetings won't be any different than the people on this forum. Nice and supportive.

I've got mad respect for you for knowing that you have a problem. That makes you a strong person!

DayTrader

Man, can I identify with that one...... lol

I remember being downright scared/mad that AA might work......and that I'd have to "join up" with a group of dolts I didn't even like.

I remember being seriously upset once it started to become clear that that's where I needed to be. I was really REALLY mad at myself for "having" to be there.

Haaahaaaaaaa...... waddya know.....once again...... "joining up" with those dopes turned out to be one of THE best things that's ever happened to me. Imagine that, I was new to recovery and had NO CLUE what I really needed......but was convinced I knew what was up........only I was dead wrong!!!

Fenris

MrAverage, I can identify with what you're saying. I think most of the people here and at the meeting you're going to can identify with it as well. Asking for help, especially with something like alcoholism and/or drug addiction that has always had such a negative stigma attached to it by an uninformed society, is hard as hell, so congratulations on taking that first step.

I was told in the beginning that if I could stay out of my own way and be honest, open-minded and willing, then it would be hard for me to fail. After some trial-and-error attempts inspired by the thickness of my skull, I've finally found that to be true. Being bullheaded and stubborn are great characteristics if you are pointed in the right direction.

Just keep it simple. You're not expected to get all of it on your first, or even your fiftieth, meeting. Good luck and let us know how it went.

--Fenris.

Deserto

Ha, yeah, I recognize that thought and feeling. I'm the type of guy who'll watch how something is done, and then go do it. "Don't bother me, I've figured it all out already."

And to be truthful, in a lot of aspects of my life, that has worked! I've mastered (or at least been very successful) at most of the professional and artistic things I've wanted to achieve.

That's a strength! But the thing that I've realized lately is: no one can be naturally great or adept at everything. And if I want to expand my horizons and try new things, I'm going to have to learn that there are some areas of my life where I need to be open to learning from others.

Sobriety is one thing. Golf is another (as a recent example). I still learn from watching others, but I realize I'm never going to truly get good at either unless I'm willing to listen to what those who have gone before me have to say.

I'm learning the value of having long ears -- and it's exciting!

MrAverage

Thanks for the encouragement guys/gals. I'm lucky enough to be in an area that has quite a few meeting groups and locations. Worst case scenario is that I have to try a different one to find a good fit for me. I'll be sure to post my experience later tonight when I get back. Maybe it'll be helpful to others who feel the same way I do right now. Time for class.. hope no one notices the random twitching. =P

juststopit

Deserto: wow...am I with you. I just went to my first meeting! I sat in the parking lot for a long while before the meeting started watching the people walk in. I kept thinking that they didn't look like me. That I wasn't going to fit. That I have made it 23 days without their help, why ask for it now?

But I gathered all my courage, suppressed the voice in my head telling me I was going to hate them all anyway so why bother, and walked in the door. The first few minutes were awkward. It was a closed group, and they read some stuff at the beginning (rules/tenets/etc...) and then asked if anyone was visiting or new to AA. That was when I did the hardest part....raised my hand and said I was new to AA and that I was an alcoholic. I was so afraid that I would be asked to say more. But instead the leader moved on and asked whoever wanted to to share a little about their experience with the first step (since there was a newbie in the room, i.e. me). Almost everyone shared, but I didn't feel at all bad about sitting and just listening. Some of the people said some things I really connected with, others not so much. But at the end I was so glad I forced myself through the door! If nothing else, it was nice to be in a room with so many people who have made it through this.

I hope you find a group you connect with, good luck!

FHB1

MrAverage, I can totally relate. I felt the same way as you describe in your post the day I walked into my very first AA meeting. All I can say is that once I was there, I was made to feel very comfortable and I knew immediately that I was in the right place. No one tried to push god on me and it was not like a religious meeting at all. It was like hanging out with a bunch of bar people only without the bar. A lot of fun actually! The people in AA greeted me with open arms and I now realize that going to AA was one of the best decisions that I ever made. I was so nervous to walk into that first meeting, now I can't wait to go to meetings. I highly recommend going to AA meetings if you feel you have a problem with drinking.

juststopit

oops, sorry. meant to address that to MrAverage

csim

Mr Average, I definitely want to know how it went! I'm still curious and a little anxious about going.

FHB1

Yes, MrAverage, I'm with csim on that - please keep us posted and let us know how the meeting went!

spryte

Mr Average, find what you need. Keep an open mind. Talk to as many people as possible.

Go to a meeting tommorrow, and the next day. Mix it up. Keep looking, and you will find help.

Congratulations to you for looking for help

BadCompany

csim you have mail.

MrAverage

Well I just got back. The venue was a lot bigger than I expected.. there were 20-25 people there, which is surprising given the small town. I walked into the church and had no idea where i was supposed to go, but a couple guys spotted me and knew why I was there. They introduced themselves and asked me if I wanted to come in for the meeting.

The beginning was a little robotic. They read off mission statements and the steps among other things. They of course asked if anyone was new (all of them knowing already that I was new) and I gave a brief intro. Then, since a "first stepper" was there, they went around the room telling their stories and giving me words of wisdom and encouragement. That was the bulk of the meeting.

At the end, the chairperson said that I was free to say anything I wanted, or not, depending on how I felt. Though nothing was forced, I felt obligated to give a brief history of my problem during which I openly admitted I am an alcoholic. After that, a few of them added some final thoughts relating to my story and they concluded the meeting. Afterward I was approached by several people who all thanked me for coming and offered a few more words of wisdom. The chairperson waited til last and approached me with the big book, a schedule, and a coin. He sincerely asked me to come back as I was leaving.

All in all, though I didn't want to have to be there, I imagine as time passes I'll be more comfortable with it. I'm going back on Thursday, and it will be interesting to see what a normal meeting is like.

Eliasson

So glad you went and it went well! You will find so much support in those rooms. Glad you are planning on going back on Thursday. When I first got my Big Book I started by reading the stories in the back and looking for the "similarities". I'm only 2 months sober but the combo of SR and AA is giving me the tools I need to not pick up that first drink. Good luck to you and pls keep us posted on your progress with the meetings! Hugs!

Eddiebuckle

MrA - sounds like you found a pretty good group. I can't imagine anybody wanting to have to go to AA, god knows I didn't. My first meeting I was concerned that "people" would think I was an alcoholic - and of course the only people I saw were at the meeting itself...

For me, going to AA was a path to truth - about myself, about my perceptions of the world, and about what I wanted and what I feared. My first meeting was february 3 2010, and I still go to three meetings a week - because I get so much more out of them than what I might otherwise do with those 3 hours.

Congratulations on having the courage to cross the threshold, and good luck.