Next weekend..
csim
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 31
Next weekend..
Should I tell people "I don't drink" or "I don't drink anymore" this weekend? The first one seems easier and seems to not leave room for questioning. I dont even think i will go anywhere but just in case..... Is it bad that Im already preparing for next weekend?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
When I first quit I was obsessed with what people would think and what I would say when they asked me why I wasn't drinking. No one ever really mentioned it. It only comes up in conversation if I bring it up. Most people won't notice or care. Just say 'no thanks' when someone offers you an alcoholic beverage. No need to offer an explanation.
If I felt the need to offer an explanation of why I wasn't drinking, I said that I was on a health kick, detox or some such. I never said I was in recovery or I'd quit drinking.
If I felt the need to offer an explanation of why I wasn't drinking, I said that I was on a health kick, detox or some such. I never said I was in recovery or I'd quit drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
I second what TigerLili said, most people don't even notice. Seems like it's much more important that we give ourselves good, honest explanations of why we're not drinking than explaining it to others.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I don't make a big deal about it, and I don't offer excuses. It's nobody's business but mine. I believe that a 'No, thanks' is sufficient for any food or drink that you are refusing.
Also, I stayed far away from alcohol and people drinking for a long time when I stopped drinking.
Also, I stayed far away from alcohol and people drinking for a long time when I stopped drinking.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by csim 
Should I tell people "I don't drink" or "I don't drink anymore" this weekend? The first one seems easier and seems to not leave room for questioning. I dont even think i will go anywhere but just in case..... Is it bad that Im already preparing for next weekend?
I think you should be planning on NOT being in any kind of situation where drinking is an option. No parties, no football viewing, no bars, no cookouts. Plan on activities that support your staying sober.
Good luck.
csim
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 31
Dgillz, i ask this because Im usually at the bar singing karaoke on Fridays and i dont want to just disappear because Im trying to stay sober. But maybe everyone on here is right and i should chill alone for awhile.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
CSIM,
Congrats on your decision to stop drinking. Since you drank on weekends it is only fitting that you think about what you are going to do or say. I always just tell folks that know me that I decided to quit drinking and smoking as the start of my new health kick. See for some reason people who quit smoking have no problem saying they quit. People who quit drinking seem to feel they are worse somehow.
Most folks had no idea I had a serious problem with alcohol but sure noticed my 3 pack a day chain smoking! The funny thing is that 100% of them more than a year after I quit both never ask if I am still drinking, they ask if I am still not smoking! Even those who I told I had a problem with alcohol.
It is so "not an event" for normal others. Let me clarify that for you. For one who is not an alcoholic or can drink one drink once a week or month and that is it, will view not drinking as a healthy choice as no more than saying you started taking vitamins. That is if you were a quiet high functioning alkie like I was. If you were outrageous or hurtful, or unlawful while drinking then who cares what they think? You already outed yourself as a person with a problem. What might they think? The real friends will gather round in relief and support you. Anyone who says "yeah we'll see," has already by that statement declared they are hoping you won't make it, and are not a friend of any stripe.
Ok so now we have thought it through. Same conclusion for me. I just tell them I quit smoking and drinking for health reasons alone which is the truth as both were killing me sooner than later.
Staying alone may be a good idea. One thing I do notice is that there are a lot of folks that have never learned to do anything fun or exciting beyond drinking and clubbing. And then they always say maybe they should stay alone for awhile. Just like you just did. If I may offer that there are more than that one alternative. For example why not go to an AA meeting that night? I used AA for my first three months and go back to visit my wonderful home group again once a month. I use here too and continue to come back to perhaps help others see that indeed ther is life after quitting drinking.
I mentioned going to an AA meeting because I didn't want to go but wanted to increase my odds and see what they were really about. So I was really hyped for that first meeting, as I was afraid of being there as well as no knowing what to do and what to expect, let alone what was expected of me.
That was more exciting in a trying something new that worked out well sort of way. I had to overcome my fear same as if I had to try sky diving. I take that back. While I downhill ski and dive, no way I am stepping out of a perfectly good airplane.
So add up what you would normally spend on a night out at karaoke for everything and then see what is happening for exactly that much. Or free. I remember doing night hikes and camping for the weekend. You know you can get a pretty good tent and gear for the same money most folks spend drinking for two nights, but the gear is still there for the next camp trip. Those are just several of thousands of options you now have that don't need to take place in the dark, and are fun and/or exciting sober. (Nothing is more boring than drunks, except maybe watching paint dry, no I take that back . . .paint changes when it dries, drunks are still boring. I know I was one.)
Congrats on your decision to stop drinking. Since you drank on weekends it is only fitting that you think about what you are going to do or say. I always just tell folks that know me that I decided to quit drinking and smoking as the start of my new health kick. See for some reason people who quit smoking have no problem saying they quit. People who quit drinking seem to feel they are worse somehow.
Most folks had no idea I had a serious problem with alcohol but sure noticed my 3 pack a day chain smoking! The funny thing is that 100% of them more than a year after I quit both never ask if I am still drinking, they ask if I am still not smoking! Even those who I told I had a problem with alcohol.
It is so "not an event" for normal others. Let me clarify that for you. For one who is not an alcoholic or can drink one drink once a week or month and that is it, will view not drinking as a healthy choice as no more than saying you started taking vitamins. That is if you were a quiet high functioning alkie like I was. If you were outrageous or hurtful, or unlawful while drinking then who cares what they think? You already outed yourself as a person with a problem. What might they think? The real friends will gather round in relief and support you. Anyone who says "yeah we'll see," has already by that statement declared they are hoping you won't make it, and are not a friend of any stripe.
Ok so now we have thought it through. Same conclusion for me. I just tell them I quit smoking and drinking for health reasons alone which is the truth as both were killing me sooner than later.
Staying alone may be a good idea. One thing I do notice is that there are a lot of folks that have never learned to do anything fun or exciting beyond drinking and clubbing. And then they always say maybe they should stay alone for awhile. Just like you just did. If I may offer that there are more than that one alternative. For example why not go to an AA meeting that night? I used AA for my first three months and go back to visit my wonderful home group again once a month. I use here too and continue to come back to perhaps help others see that indeed ther is life after quitting drinking.
I mentioned going to an AA meeting because I didn't want to go but wanted to increase my odds and see what they were really about. So I was really hyped for that first meeting, as I was afraid of being there as well as no knowing what to do and what to expect, let alone what was expected of me.
That was more exciting in a trying something new that worked out well sort of way. I had to overcome my fear same as if I had to try sky diving. I take that back. While I downhill ski and dive, no way I am stepping out of a perfectly good airplane.
So add up what you would normally spend on a night out at karaoke for everything and then see what is happening for exactly that much. Or free. I remember doing night hikes and camping for the weekend. You know you can get a pretty good tent and gear for the same money most folks spend drinking for two nights, but the gear is still there for the next camp trip. Those are just several of thousands of options you now have that don't need to take place in the dark, and are fun and/or exciting sober. (Nothing is more boring than drunks, except maybe watching paint dry, no I take that back . . .paint changes when it dries, drunks are still boring. I know I was one.)
csim
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 31
Wow Itchy!
Thank you so much for your awesome reply. It kind of made my day to know that someone wrote so much to me who doesn't know me but wants to help. :-) You even answered a few questions I've had but havnt asked yet. I am one of those people unfortunatly that hasnt really had the opportunity to find what else is fun to so besides drink or party. All my friends are the same way. I used to think if someone wanted to hang out and not drink that they were boring. Im afraid Im going to be the boring one now but i just have to stay positive and think about the good choices Im making. I guess if i do go out and my friends have a problem with me cuz Im not drinking or if they start to ignore me and go about their drunkeness way... They weren't good friends in the first place.
Thank you so much for your awesome reply. It kind of made my day to know that someone wrote so much to me who doesn't know me but wants to help. :-) You even answered a few questions I've had but havnt asked yet. I am one of those people unfortunatly that hasnt really had the opportunity to find what else is fun to so besides drink or party. All my friends are the same way. I used to think if someone wanted to hang out and not drink that they were boring. Im afraid Im going to be the boring one now but i just have to stay positive and think about the good choices Im making. I guess if i do go out and my friends have a problem with me cuz Im not drinking or if they start to ignore me and go about their drunkeness way... They weren't good friends in the first place.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
You are welcome, thanks for saying so. It does take a lot of re-learning to be sober after being a party animal. You mentioned that the ones not drinking were the boring ones and now you may that boring one. Think that through a bit.
Why did you consider them boring? Was it because they weren't being outrageous in daring each other to drink more and do weird shots and perhaps other things. If you remove the alcohol from the activity what are you left with? Singing and listening at Karaoke, dancing at other places, and what else?
You see you are not unique I hate to say, with regards to alcohol here. We all started out as normal drinkers where alcohol was something we did when actually doing something, and usually afterwards not during. Apres ski is drinking after a day on the ski slopes. You can't drink while scuba diving. It isn't smart to drink while driving a race car or baja bug or off road vehicle for thrills.
Where we all got in trouble is when alcohol switched places with the activities. Instead of a beer or a drink or glass with a good meal and one or at most two more when paying very close attention to your date be that a spousal unit or Significant other. Remember just doing things and maybe having one or two later on and certainly never getting drunk?
Our problem is that we can't ever go back to that, as we already can't stop. I don't have any problem with drinking. I have a problem with stopping. So I don't anymore at all and won't for life. There are many other things I can now enjoy and driving safely at all hours is not the least of them. Sometimes when I have difficulty sleeping I'll sneak out and take a drive to a nice place and get out and watch for shooting stars. I could not do that safely or without risk of arrest when I was drinking.
There are plenty of really exciting and crazy things you can do sober, many more than while drunk.
Why did you consider them boring? Was it because they weren't being outrageous in daring each other to drink more and do weird shots and perhaps other things. If you remove the alcohol from the activity what are you left with? Singing and listening at Karaoke, dancing at other places, and what else?
You see you are not unique I hate to say, with regards to alcohol here. We all started out as normal drinkers where alcohol was something we did when actually doing something, and usually afterwards not during. Apres ski is drinking after a day on the ski slopes. You can't drink while scuba diving. It isn't smart to drink while driving a race car or baja bug or off road vehicle for thrills.
Where we all got in trouble is when alcohol switched places with the activities. Instead of a beer or a drink or glass with a good meal and one or at most two more when paying very close attention to your date be that a spousal unit or Significant other. Remember just doing things and maybe having one or two later on and certainly never getting drunk?
Our problem is that we can't ever go back to that, as we already can't stop. I don't have any problem with drinking. I have a problem with stopping. So I don't anymore at all and won't for life. There are many other things I can now enjoy and driving safely at all hours is not the least of them. Sometimes when I have difficulty sleeping I'll sneak out and take a drive to a nice place and get out and watch for shooting stars. I could not do that safely or without risk of arrest when I was drinking.
There are plenty of really exciting and crazy things you can do sober, many more than while drunk.
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