tryingtohelp2

My dear friend is working hard on his recovery, but I have seen some surprising changes. He is usually reserved and very guarded with his emotions because of trust issues. Since becoming sober, I have noticed some surprising personality changes. He came out of rehab with a girl he met there. He was very public with his feelings and intentions. After 2 weeks he was claiming to be in love and relocating her to live with him. He abruptly broke it off saying she was nuts! Currently he is in a very intense and sexual relationship online with a girl he has never met from accross the country. He says he is in love like never before, but when I suggest he goes to see her..he says "I will never go there". He says this girl is in recovery also and so fragile I am afraid she will show up on his doorstep looking for more. I know my friend very well....is this a phase of recovery? or a way of him working out his issues? Please give me some insight because this behavoir is very uncharacteristic......

seek

I don't think you really even have to ask. People in recovery aren't "supposed to" have new relationships for one year . . . maybe he is a sex-addict, as well, who knows. But whatever he is doing, it does not sound rational or healthy. Just my take.

dollydo

Sounds like he may also be a sex addict. Not uncommon.

Have you read Codependent No More? Have you attended any Alanon meetings yet?

I would suggest that you do both, being involved in this type of relationship is very unhealthy for you.

Freedom1990

He's not working hard on his recovery.

He's working hard on hooking up with women and deflecting from recovery.

I highly suggest locating some local Alanon meetings for face-to-face support among those who understand.

Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, and possibly "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.

Personally I'm not friends with people who exhibit unhealthy behaviors.

It has certainly cut down on my stress levels.

Sending you hugs of support.

ZoeLee

Sounds like my story...only I was the girlfriend of an addict who met a girl in rehab. He completely cut me out of his life and now he's in rehab (2 months) and she is in sober living (7 months) and they're too "happy" addicts heading down the road of destruction.

tryingtohelp2

I am sorry that you went through all that, but grateful that you have understanding of where I am ( sort of). I am struggling being a best friend...I can only imagine how much more intense it is as a girlfriend! He slipped last night and texted me like 10 times....but would not talk to me. I know I can't do this for him...but it hurts so much to watch the train wreck!!