Inner peace – believe it or not!

Old 10-07-2011, 12:03 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Justlizzyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 164
Inner peace – believe it or not!

I have really had a sense of inner peace since I decided that I was no longer responsible for trying to save my AH and turned that over to God. I am no longer angry at God or my AH. I have been sleeping peacefully at night. I still feel sadness over the situation due to the fact that AH seems to be happy just being a “functioning” addict and not a recovered addict. However, that is his choice not mine. I am not sure about a life with AH. I have decided not to stress over that right now as I don’t feel like I am in any immediate danger but if I was or felt that I was things would be different. There was a time when I was in danger and too stupid/codependent to realize just how much. My kids (not his) are grown and on their own so I don’t have that as a concern. It’s just me and him. I am taking one day at a time trying to break this codependent cycle in my life. I have been getting legal advice in order to get my ducks in a row in case I wake up one morning and decide that I don’t want to live with AH anymore. Trust me; I am all about protecting everything I have worked for all my life. I think time working on myself will allow me the clarity to make better decisions. Anyway, believe it or not, I feel happy and I don’t know why. Lord knows nothing really has changed at home except maybe me. I don’t feel the turmoil inside that makes me want to explode and lash out. I don’t agree with my AH thinking on his “recovery” and he does think he is on a recovery path which in my mind he is not but this is what I told him. “You work on your recovery the way you see fit and I will work on my recovery as I see fit and we will see how it works out.” I just left it at that and guess what? I really just left it at that. That is progress for me. I have been turning to my HP for courage and strength to set boundaries and the courage to stick to them. I did tell AH that I would no longer due for him what he can do for himself. I have stuck to that so far. That is also a huge weight off of me. I think that has helped me with my anger issues because I know when I was enabling him by taking up the slack on things he needed because he wasted his money on his DOC, I stayed pissed off. I felt victimized by him when all along I was victimizing myself. He was just doing what addicts do and I was doing what codies do. In trying to control I lost all control of myself. I am trying to get control of myself by letting go of the illusion of control on others. I still have a long ways to go in my recovery as I am just getting started down that path however I am determined not to give up on myself. I am worth the effort. I deserve to be happy. I am noticing pattern behaviors that I have in my codependency and correcting them as best I can. However, sometimes I just notice the behaviors and slip into them unfortunatlly. I am really thankful to all of you. I read all the posts and all the replies. Some of you are hard but trust me, us newbie’s need the reality check and I am glad you are the way you are. Some of you are softer and we need that too. Everyone one of this board is different yet we are all here for the same reason pretty much. It is a blessing to have this place. Thanks for letting me share.
Justlizzyd is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 01:10 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I really love all the "I" statements. Everytime I see that, I think "that guy/gal's reached a turning point in her recovery."
hello-kitty is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 01:25 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Anyway, believe it or not, I feel happy and I don’t know why. Lord knows nothing really has changed at home except maybe me. I don’t feel the turmoil inside that makes me want to explode and lash out.
Awww, sweetie, it's so great to watch recovery kick in and share the joy.

You are wise to take your time and have a plan. Right now "doing nothing" is an action, a choice, and keeping your serenity and recovery in place is about all the you can do.

Big hugs because I am happy you found peace.
Ann is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 01:37 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
 
dollydo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am so happy to see your recovery shining, a work in progress, you are heading in the right direction...Good For You!
dollydo is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 02:09 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
you do deserve & do not ever for get that. you are doin g so good & i am thankful. just keep the focus on you. i know it is hard but you sure are getting there. hugs & hope
hope213 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:16 PM.