great day & then anxiety and anger

Reply Subscribe

Thread Tools

10-06-2011, 07:21 PM

# 1 (permalink)

zorilla

Member

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jul 2005

Location: MI

Posts: 306

great day & then anxiety and anger

I just needed to post this.
I had a great day and then I saw that my husband(we've been separated for about 12 yrs)had brought someone home with him.I shouldn't feel angry or anything but my heart started pounding really fast.I prayed about it and eased some of the anxiety.

I have no reason to even feel this way but my physical reaction showed me that I don't like it.Thoughts of drinking and dope run through my head.Drugs and alcohol have always been how I've dealt with feeling upset when it comes to men in my life.Self destructive ideas ran through my brain..This sucks because well it just sucks.

10-06-2011, 07:28 PM

# 2 (permalink)

suki44883

RIP Sweet Suki

Join Date: Apr 2008

Location: In my sanctuary, my home

Posts: 39,898

I'm glad you didn't use...it wouldn't help anything. I have to ask...if you have been separated for 12 years, why are you not divorced?

10-06-2011, 07:44 PM

# 3 (permalink)

zorilla

Member

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jul 2005

Location: MI

Posts: 306

I didn't want to divorce him while he was in prison.I have a very hard time with making decisions and with change.But it's ok for me to have a boyfriend but I don't like him having a girlfriend.this makes no damn sense I know but I still feel this way.I feel like breaking something.I'm angry that I'm I don't have a man with me right now.The man I'm in love with is living 8 hrs away.He loves me too but I don't know if we will ever be together again.This scares me and angers me.I had to make a trigger list at rehab and "MEN" was number 1 on my list.If I'm feeling this way about my husband;How the hell am I going to deal with if the man I love finds someone else?I've tried to prepare myself for it if this happens but I'm really afraid now.