friendinned

hi, to make a long story short, i have a friend since 5th grade who has battled depression. I found about a year in a half ago she had done a bit of meth and coke. i had never been around anyone with addiction like that and had not suspected, but suddenly things made sense, her sleeping a lot staying up till 5am easily while studying and her random bouts of just ignoring me and not beiing there for me when she felt like it. i had thought it was cause she was off her meds and had ocd with the staying up late you know...

anyway about a year and half ago she checked herself into sober living after her dad kicked her out for dating a convicted felon. shd rather have her fam mad at her then leave him. around that time she went to sober living and her man got arrested for like the 80th time and is there in prision till 2012. late last year she rented a room outside sober living and seemed to be doing ok.hes dangerous and I dont want anything to do with them when he gets out. over the last 6 years she only calls in emergencys, ignores my texts and calls and shuts her phone off randomly for days at a time. Last month she informed me she had an offer from the lady that owns a sober living home to be a co manager for only 250 a month rent. i reminded her that it was stressful for her when she lived there last time an i didnt think it was good for her recovery. her dad also told her that when her man gets out of she lives with him shes disowned from the fam and she doesnt care. her parents are out of it but they are nice ppl didnt beat her or anything just her moms parents died when her mom was a young girl and so she cant handle emotional stuff, but she has all these weird ideas that her parents werent good enough, and based on what i say when i went to the house as a kid that was not the case. and even so dont do drugs to cope, dont be stupid you know?

I guess partly because shes been a bad friend on top of everything else, im just over the friend ship a little. also i hadnt heard from her as usual in like three weeks and this morning at 6am got a random call saying that some guy in the house came home late and when she tried to get him in trouble she basically overheard him say he was going to key her car. so she left i guess and her nboss didnt believe her when she heard the story. am i a bad person for not wanting to be her friend. im at my wits end. i no longer have sympathy. she went back to sobr living on her own knowing it was stressful. she likes drama and dysfunction. so over it. but been friends since 5th grade can i just through it away?

sugarbear1

Hugs to you. You're a good friend! Your friend is sick, you can detach with love. Let her know that if & when she's sober, thinking & acting sober, & making sober decisions, you'll be there for her. It doesn't sound like she's looking at her own behavior. Relationships make us feel differently, kinda like another drug high. No real future with an active felon...

Sorry, too much opinion from my own experience...10th step now.

Love & hugs,

ButterflyMan

You need to put yourself first and by the sounds of it you don't seem to thinks it's safe to have her in your life. Doesn't really sound like she it's much of a friend to you even though you seem to want to be a friend to her. Friendship should be about love and trust, not how long you have known someone.

eJoshua

+1 to this.

Welcome to SR!

Dee74

Welcome to SR

Like ButterflyMan said friendships should be based on a number of things - the length of time is just one of those things, and not the most important.

Do what feels right to you. People change and grow a lot from 5th grade. I don't think you're a bad person for not wanting to be her friend.

Whatever you decide- clean break or detachment I hope it works out for the best

D

friendinned

thanks ppl! yea i think shes addicted to drama, and its almost like she wanted to go live at the sober house, an get addicted again, just to cause excitment and my mom said she doesnt like it when things are normal. imgong to give it a few months, till after the holidays but the outlook is not good. i didnt return her call cause i dont want to feed the drama.

gr8ful42day

You may also want to read in this part of forum, and post for support...

Friends and Family

Hugz! Welcome to SR.

friendinned

your right its always someone elses fault with her, like she blames her parents who did nothing wrong they just had har childgoods and werent emotionally available for her weird depressive behavior, but the fed and loved her and her mom was a class mom. plus shes 29 and if she wants a good life she needs to make herself a good not act like a child.

Matilda99

hey just wondering how old you are now? that might not be an appropriate question for SR and if so please delete, but just wondering if all these things happened while she was a juvenile (I know you said 8th grade but that could be any age) in which case it would be different than an adult record, in USA at least if that's where you're writing from. In any case, if you don't feel your moral and social fabric is any longer in line with hers, then you should separate from her. Friendships are important, but not as important as your own self worth - people sometimes have to give up friendships with others to maintain themselves. And I support you!

friendinned

we were friends since 5th. and we are 29 at this time. thanks for the advice

sugarbear1

Your friend has alcoholism. If she works on recivery while sober, she can be awesome. It's up to her now.

friendinned

so yea, she said she would call me this weekend and never did big suprise, i sent her a text saying hope things are going better.