seekinganswrs

AFter using this site for about 2 weeks searching for guidance, everyone seemed to say to try an AL-ANON meeting. I had been in the past and I thought they sucked. All the women were still "in" the addiction or alcoholism and I had an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness listening to these women. It was sad. I left feeling like, "Well, this is just how it has to be, and I need to figure out to make myself happy "in this mess."" Today, I tried a different group and it was better. I even found out through a private message from someone on this site that there are Nar Anon meetings in my area, so planning on trying one of those, since my husband is a "drug" addict more than alcohol, although he was addicted to alcohol as well for about a year. He just moves from one thing to another. It is interesting though because he always leaves the previous "DOC" behind and picks another. Thanks for drilling it in my head to try another meeting.

Justlizzyd

Good you found a good group. Attitude has a lot to do with it, it did with me anyway. The first time I went a year ago, I was so mad I had to be there. I did not feel like I belonged because my AH was not an alcoholic, he was a drug addict and that was a lot worse than an alcoholic. That was my stinking thinking!!!! We have no Nar-anon where I am at. Anyway, my attitude changed and the meetings are different for me now.
Good for YOU, sounds like you have a good attitude about it that you are there for YOU and not your AH!!!

seekinganswrs

Thanks "Just Lizzyd" I didn't think about being there for me or for my AH until you just mentioned that, and I think you are right. The first time I went, I went hoping to hear how it got better, but I didn't hear that. Most of these women were still involved with their Apartner, so it was really sad feeling. I tried a different group today, and I went because I needed something, and somewhere to process my feelings. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me it will get better, etc... I didn't share, but I listened, and just asked God to show me something.

TMZ

Good I am glad your attending! I went for a year before I learned about the nar-xnon and that group has even been better and more helpful. The thing about those groups is it is there for YOU to heal and support. The y can't give you direct answers ( because it is a life and death kind of thing) But it time you here the stories and things that work for others and you can get the answers, it just takes time. KEEP going !!!!

I know that all the stories are sad and it is disheartening to here all of them but I still leave every meeting feeling better and with hope. There are so many success stories too.

Keep hope and keep faith, we can all get through this.

sojourner

Again, our disease mimics that of the addict! How many people with a drug/alcohol problem have gone to a couple of AA or NA meetings and gave some reason for not wanting to go back. And so with us!

When the student is willing, the teacher appears.

wellnowwhat

I am glad you tried another time. The groups seem to change over time. I've gone to mine for 3+ years now and the feeling of the group seems to have changed a bit. People come and go, drop in and drop out, some regulars stay, etc. I was thinking the other day how the group seemed to be more hopeful and uplifted than when I first came, and then I wondered if it was because I was no longer feeling hopeless and lost.

I've tried different groups and they each have their own way about them. Some, I don't think I'd ever go back to, I didn't feel like it "fit". But, then sometimes I have to remember to keep my eye on the prize and develop a relationship with someone with strong recovery, not only the newcomer who I identify most with.

hopeful0323

From what I can tell from the alanon its more about you than the addict or alcoholic, whether they are sober or not. At the meetings I have tried they suggest going to at least 6 meetings because all meetings have a different "flavor". Sometimes when I go I feel like it doesn't help. But then I realize a couple days later I'm not feeling so "icky" inside, so it must be helping in some way or another.

JMFburns

I remember my first NarAnon meeting, I walked out of there sooo depressed and down. I didn't go back for about 3 months. But 3 months later I had finally hit my bottom, I couldn't not go to NarAnon . . . if I didn't do "something" I was going to go crazy, I was going to jump into a deep dark hole and never get out, I was sliding down a hill to bad times - out of control. The group helped.

I went to a Thursday nite NarAnon group because there I was surrounded by other parents of drug addicts. They felt my pain, they understood my heartache - I had a chance to talk about my son who was lost in addiction. It felt like a big, warm hug from new family.

I went to a Friday nite AlAnon group because there I surrounded by other people affected by someone elses abusing, but they were getting on with their lives in spite of it. They were healthy, surviving, strong, faithful people that made me want what they had. There I could talk about myself and what I needed to work on. It felt like a big, strong hug from new family.

Search out different groups, give them a try - I'm sure you'll find one that has something to offer. For a while I attended a group during my lunch hour on Mondays close to where I worked. It was convenient and kept me focused.

Justlizzyd

I had no idea when I started going awhile back, I thought they were going to teach me how to fix my addict. I was wrong, it was about fixing me. OMG back when I went the first time, I was so dramatic to my AH about going, such a codie controlling move, I am so embarrassed by how I act sometimes. My attitude was, "look at poor pitiful me having to go to a meeting because YOU are an addict".

Supremacy

I'm kind of in the same boat you are/were in, my husband wants me to try a Nar-Anon meeting while he's in the room next door for his NA meeting, I kind of winced and said oo I dont know about that. Truthfully I just don't want to yet again talk about his problems/our problems, I have to answer all my family and friends questions everyday about his addiction and I just dont want it to be yet again another thing that has to do with his addiction, so I use the time he's in his NA meetings for myself...something for me and only me. I won't say I will never try it, I have thought about it in the past, but I'm just not sure yet. Glad you found one you liked though and pray you get everything you want out of it!

seekinganswrs

Supremacy,
Maybe you should try to go to one and just listen. The first two I went to I shared, and it is overwhelming because talking about it sucks, but when I went this week, I just said a silent prayer and asked God to help me get something out of the meeting, and help me to listen. Then what is really funny is that the meeting I went to this week does their first meeting of the month on a "tradition." They were one "tradition 10" which has to do with not involving Al-Anon in any controversy and public relations stuff, so at first I was instantly like, "OMGOSH!! This is really going to suck!" I didn't care anything about "public relations and not bringing up controversial subjects, etc....but as I listened and heard the women relate, I got something, which was to recognize that in my family growing up (since I had an alcoholic step dad and still have a co-dep mom) that we didn't have discussions or arguments really, but we just covered, and hid. If my step dad was drinking bad and starting "in on me" my mom would literally give me a xanax when I was 12 and tell me to go to bed. I don't do that with my kids, but when my husband used to use cocaine and would lay in bed on weekends and sleep, I would tell the kids he was sick. The point is that even if you go and listen it might help. I am going to try a Nar Anon meeting. I can use the Al-Anon since my step dad was an alcoholic and my husband when through his drinking phase, but I think I probably need both!

Kindeyes

I go to both Alanon and Naranon. I'm working hard on me......because I was pretty darn messed up from the cycle of behaviors between the addict (AS) and the codie (me). I'm working on those behaviors and I'm able to live a more "normal" life. Alanon and Naranon...quite literally....saved my life.

Glad you found a great meeting. Keep going back. It really does work if you work it.

gentle hugs
ke

Supremacy

I know your right, it has to be so helpful, how can it not be. I'm going to plan on going to one next week, just pretty nervous even thinking about it.

wellnowwhat

Truthfully I just don't want to yet again talk about his problems/our problems, I have to answer all my family and friends questions everyday about his addiction and I just dont want it to be yet again another thing that has to do with his addiction

I can understand how you feel. I felt that way, too. The thing I found with Alanon is that the reason you go may be someone else's addiction, your AH or your original family etc., but it is really all about YOU.

If you choose to share, and you don't have to but I find it helps me if I do, it not the same as talking with friends and family. For one, you are talking about yourself, not the addict/alcoholic, and two, the people there "get it". They've lived it, it's been in their homes, their lives. You don't have to censure yourself like you might do with your friends or family who haven't lived it and have good intentions but don't really understand and are not educated on the subject.

Sometimes my Alanon friends seem to know me better than I know myself! And as I get to know myself better, I am grateful to Alanon.

The difference I find is when I talk to well-meaning non-Alanon friends about these things I end up heavy hearted. When I talk to someone from Alanon, I feel uplifted. The difference is HUGE.

Wishing you well.