My friend is an alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1
My friend is an alcoholic
Hi, this is my first post on here. I am a 40 year old man who has never had a drink or drug problem myself, or much experience of it.
I recently became re-acquainted with a girl I knew at school. We had absolutely no contact for 23 years until Facebook came along. We weren't really friends at school, but we knew each other because a friend of mine went out with her for a time and I was quite jealous, as I fancied her. She is 2 years younger than me. When I saw on Facebook that she had an interest in the same sporting passion as me, I messaged her and we got chatting. We got on really well, we are both single and it seemed too good to be true. I have been dealing with some issues and unhappiness in my life and now things looked like they were finally on the up. Of course, when things seem too good to be true, they usually are!
We spoke on the phone a couple of times and things were still progressing well, but she did seem a bit strange on the phone. She was at times a bit incoherent and rambling. I put it down to being nervous about talking to me, which she admitted to, and her having 'a couple of glasses of wine' to combat the nerves. I thought no more of it and we arranged to meet, at her place, before going out for a drink. When I arrived to meet her it was immediately apparent that she was drunk. She was a mess, she wasn't ready, despite phoning and asking me to arrive earlier than originally planned. She was in no fit state to go out so we stayed in and chatted and listened to music. She later finally admitted that she had had a drink problem for 20 years.
By now there was a voice in my head asking me 'what the hell are you doing? You don't need this in your life'. But I already felt some emotional attachment to her and I'm not the sort of person to turn my back on someone who needs help. She kept telling me how much she liked me and she was very tactile. I didn't allow things to go any further and told her that it wasn't appropriate as she was drunk and it was a first date. I have since told her that we can't be more than friends as I couldn't be in a relationship with an alcoholic. She says she accepts this but she has asked whether our relationship could develop further if she got better. I have been non-committal on this. We've still only seen each other twice and it's only a week since we met in person. I feel slightly deceived that she didn't tell me about her problems before we arranged to meet.
I do like her a lot, she is very intelligent, and we share interests. She was a straight A student at school without really trying very hard. She got a good degree and had a very good career before drink wrecked it. It breaks my heart to see her like this and I'm getting upset and stressed about it. I dread the thought of watching her kill herself with drink. I want to help her but don't know how. She is receiving help and has good support from her family. She spent 4 months in rehab earlier this year at great expense, but hit the bottle again as soon as she came out. I've seen a friend in hospital before with liver failure due to drink and I don't want to see that again.
I'm not quite sure why I'm saying all this. I haven't told anyone about it and I think I just need to get it off my chest. Maybe I should have run a mile as soon as I realised? That doesn't seem right to me though. Any advice or support would be appreciated.
Thanks
I recently became re-acquainted with a girl I knew at school. We had absolutely no contact for 23 years until Facebook came along. We weren't really friends at school, but we knew each other because a friend of mine went out with her for a time and I was quite jealous, as I fancied her. She is 2 years younger than me. When I saw on Facebook that she had an interest in the same sporting passion as me, I messaged her and we got chatting. We got on really well, we are both single and it seemed too good to be true. I have been dealing with some issues and unhappiness in my life and now things looked like they were finally on the up. Of course, when things seem too good to be true, they usually are!
We spoke on the phone a couple of times and things were still progressing well, but she did seem a bit strange on the phone. She was at times a bit incoherent and rambling. I put it down to being nervous about talking to me, which she admitted to, and her having 'a couple of glasses of wine' to combat the nerves. I thought no more of it and we arranged to meet, at her place, before going out for a drink. When I arrived to meet her it was immediately apparent that she was drunk. She was a mess, she wasn't ready, despite phoning and asking me to arrive earlier than originally planned. She was in no fit state to go out so we stayed in and chatted and listened to music. She later finally admitted that she had had a drink problem for 20 years.
By now there was a voice in my head asking me 'what the hell are you doing? You don't need this in your life'. But I already felt some emotional attachment to her and I'm not the sort of person to turn my back on someone who needs help. She kept telling me how much she liked me and she was very tactile. I didn't allow things to go any further and told her that it wasn't appropriate as she was drunk and it was a first date. I have since told her that we can't be more than friends as I couldn't be in a relationship with an alcoholic. She says she accepts this but she has asked whether our relationship could develop further if she got better. I have been non-committal on this. We've still only seen each other twice and it's only a week since we met in person. I feel slightly deceived that she didn't tell me about her problems before we arranged to meet.
I do like her a lot, she is very intelligent, and we share interests. She was a straight A student at school without really trying very hard. She got a good degree and had a very good career before drink wrecked it. It breaks my heart to see her like this and I'm getting upset and stressed about it. I dread the thought of watching her kill herself with drink. I want to help her but don't know how. She is receiving help and has good support from her family. She spent 4 months in rehab earlier this year at great expense, but hit the bottle again as soon as she came out. I've seen a friend in hospital before with liver failure due to drink and I don't want to see that again.
I'm not quite sure why I'm saying all this. I haven't told anyone about it and I think I just need to get it off my chest. Maybe I should have run a mile as soon as I realised? That doesn't seem right to me though. Any advice or support would be appreciated.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Run away. Simple as that. Run away.
Alcoholism is progressive. It will continue to get worse as long as she is drinking and she won't stop drinking until she is ready to. There is nothing you can do that will convince her otherwise. Read the stickies at the top of the index page. There is excellent information there.
There is no way to put any sort of a good spin on this. Run away.
Your friend,
Alcoholism is progressive. It will continue to get worse as long as she is drinking and she won't stop drinking until she is ready to. There is nothing you can do that will convince her otherwise. Read the stickies at the top of the index page. There is excellent information there.
There is no way to put any sort of a good spin on this. Run away.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Embee,
Welcome to you, so glad you found your way here!
This is a great place to "just get things off your chest", I have never dated an alcoholic but my mom has had a drinking problem for over 40 years, I have watched my dad who loves her with all his heart pine away for the girl he married nearly 60 years ago.
I am sure some of the folks here will be able to pass on some good advice,all I can tell you is that you really can't help her, she has to want want to get better.
Please take time to read the other postings iy may give you some comfort and insight.
Again welcome, I hope you come back often.
Peace be with you,
WBD
Welcome to you, so glad you found your way here!
This is a great place to "just get things off your chest", I have never dated an alcoholic but my mom has had a drinking problem for over 40 years, I have watched my dad who loves her with all his heart pine away for the girl he married nearly 60 years ago.
I am sure some of the folks here will be able to pass on some good advice,all I can tell you is that you really can't help her, she has to want want to get better.
Please take time to read the other postings iy may give you some comfort and insight.
Again welcome, I hope you come back often.
Peace be with you,
WBD
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
