itsanewday2011

Hi all, quick question....I have seen the threads here on codependents paying for things for an addict....question....my ex husband got out of rehab in March. Has been living on his own/on/off relapsing since then. He had visit with our daughter yesterday and said he is looking into sober housing. (he can't afford his apartment on his unemployment). Question - his dad called me today and asked if I was okay if they paid for his first month "rent" at sober housing (if they deliver the check directly). I told them I was okay w/ it, but things I have read here say not to even do that.....

Thoughts? My thought is he should have gone there directly out of rehab in the first place. Why now? But, could be a good thing?

laurie6781

Depends on the Sober Housing. Some will not take payment from anyone but the resident, in that the 'resident must do it all on their own.'

Others will take the first week or two.

IMO I would not. No one did it for me and I can tell you it meant a LOT MORE TO ME that I WORKED FOR IT and paid my own ROOM AND BOARD. It was all part of "Me Being Responsible For Me And My Actions".

That's just me.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

itsanewday2011

Hi - I wouldn't give him the money (not that I have extra laying around, though). I told them that most co-dependent guidance would say "not to", but it is their call...so, I guess it depdents if the site will take payment from his parents....they are having him sign a contract or something.....

outtolunch

He's your ex.

You have no control over him or your inlaws.

Is he moving heaven and earth to pay child support?

itsanewday2011

He says w/ this move he will be able to pay child support. We shall see. I will stop worrying about it. Thanks for getting me out of my co-dependent spin that was starting up again.....

tjp613

If he were 18...maybe I'd pay for 1 month if this were his first go-round. But your AH is a grown man for cryin' out loud.

outtolunch

Takes one to know one and all that.

dollydo

I wouldn't do it. He is an adult, not a child, his recovery is up to him and if he truely wanted recovery he would have directly went into a sober living home.

Honestly, I doubt that you will see a dime of support, he has no intention of getting clean, this move just gets him a roof over his head.

Your ex is just trying to buy time.

I would back out of the entire situation, if his parents want to enable him, that is up to them.

You have come along way, good for you!