The strangeness of this journey
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
The strangeness of this journey
I've done decently lately at maintaining, but not really feeling like I'm making a lot of progress in my recovery. I have minimal contact with AXH, which makes everything easier. I can focus my energy on the children and myself (God knows that's enough for anyone to deal with without having to duck flaming arrows left and right, kwim?).
But we had one outstanding issue (he owes me a fair amount of money from the divorce settlement, and agreed to paying it before a certain date) that I've put off dealing with. I've avoided dealing with it even though the deadline set by the courts passed, mainly because I just haven't wanted to engage him before. But events conspired in such a way that I found myself really in need of that money.
I knew before I contacted him that his response would be "F*** you and go to H*ll you [insert long involved string of nasty adjectives here] b**ch." Which is what I got for a response. Apparently, he feels he has the right to keep the money as some kind of punitive damages because he had to be married to me for 20 years. *rolling my eyes so hard I get a headache here*
But the weirdest thing was my emotional reaction to his response. I was totally expecting the usual anxiety, stomach ache, panic to set in.
Instead, his incredibly nasty response made me completely and utterly calm. I feel nothing about it, except maybe just a certain level of contentment that I have learned exactly what to expect from him (no false hope that there will ever be any kind of rhyme or reason to his "thinking"), and that he no longer has the power to throw me off-balance emotionally with this kind of stuff.
So that has to count as a step in the right direction, right?
But we had one outstanding issue (he owes me a fair amount of money from the divorce settlement, and agreed to paying it before a certain date) that I've put off dealing with. I've avoided dealing with it even though the deadline set by the courts passed, mainly because I just haven't wanted to engage him before. But events conspired in such a way that I found myself really in need of that money.
I knew before I contacted him that his response would be "F*** you and go to H*ll you [insert long involved string of nasty adjectives here] b**ch." Which is what I got for a response. Apparently, he feels he has the right to keep the money as some kind of punitive damages because he had to be married to me for 20 years. *rolling my eyes so hard I get a headache here*
But the weirdest thing was my emotional reaction to his response. I was totally expecting the usual anxiety, stomach ache, panic to set in.
Instead, his incredibly nasty response made me completely and utterly calm. I feel nothing about it, except maybe just a certain level of contentment that I have learned exactly what to expect from him (no false hope that there will ever be any kind of rhyme or reason to his "thinking"), and that he no longer has the power to throw me off-balance emotionally with this kind of stuff.
So that has to count as a step in the right direction, right?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
What a great response on your part.
Now that the deadline is past, talk to your attorney about how to start garnishment proceedings on any paychecks he gets, his bank accounts, and how to get repo orders for property he owns to be sold to settle the judgement.
And have your attorney do it. For every garnishment and/or repo a fee is added on by the courts to the original judgement so the attorney will get paid out of the fees that are collected. Depending on state, their is a $15.00 or more court garnishment fee and although each state is different it is about a $50.00 fee additional for the garnishment. It will take several, sometimes many to get the judgement down to zero and once he figures out how much EXTRA it is costing him, I suspect he will just pay it, cussing the whole time.
I personally ended up doing this to my 2nd husband. He was a gambler, so had very little at any time in his bank account. I got a couple of partial payments out of his paychecks, and then my attorney went for his 1947 restored Indian Motorcycle and his customized 1949 Ford Pick Up Truck with a hemi in it. Those two, once sold finished out what he owed me, (the total was 27,500 ordered by the original judge) and my attorney actually returned a whole $600 to him, which he promptly lost at the casino the same day he cashed the check.
J M H O
Anyway your are GROWING by leaps and bounds. You make my heart smile!!!!
Love and hugs,
Now that the deadline is past, talk to your attorney about how to start garnishment proceedings on any paychecks he gets, his bank accounts, and how to get repo orders for property he owns to be sold to settle the judgement.
And have your attorney do it. For every garnishment and/or repo a fee is added on by the courts to the original judgement so the attorney will get paid out of the fees that are collected. Depending on state, their is a $15.00 or more court garnishment fee and although each state is different it is about a $50.00 fee additional for the garnishment. It will take several, sometimes many to get the judgement down to zero and once he figures out how much EXTRA it is costing him, I suspect he will just pay it, cussing the whole time.
I personally ended up doing this to my 2nd husband. He was a gambler, so had very little at any time in his bank account. I got a couple of partial payments out of his paychecks, and then my attorney went for his 1947 restored Indian Motorcycle and his customized 1949 Ford Pick Up Truck with a hemi in it. Those two, once sold finished out what he owed me, (the total was 27,500 ordered by the original judge) and my attorney actually returned a whole $600 to him, which he promptly lost at the casino the same day he cashed the check.
J M H O
Anyway your are GROWING by leaps and bounds. You make my heart smile!!!!
Love and hugs,
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