colt

Hey,

I live in Texas and I am a male in my mid twenties. I do not consider myself to be an alcoholic, but rather more of a binge drinker. I have this weekly ritual (sometimes twice a week) of putting away an entire twelve pack of Coors light in one night. Have been a binge drinker for about 7 years. It all started when I was about 20...binge drinking. Getting drunk.

There are two things about this that bother me...that REALLY REALLY bother me. First the health effects. I feel healthy, no symptoms yet, been to the doctor just two months ago for a check up and I am still healthy but I sure don't want to become sick. The other thing that bothers me is that I live with my parents and I sneak the booze past my parents. They don't know. I have been living with my parents for about a year (unemployment not due to alcohol...just the economy), so that's how long I have been doing the sneaking. I hate hate hate that I do that.

I have quit drinking on my own a couple times with no social support whatsoever in the past and this has lasted about a month each time, so I am not physically addicted. In fact, most days I don't drink anything. When I drink with friends, I am very good about only having 2-3 maybe 4 drinks during an occasion.

It's just this habit. Sneaking an entire twelve-pack in to my room, and getting on the computer and watching movies and playing around on the internet while getting drunk. It is pathetic.

I know that I am light-weight compared to a lot of alcoholics, but I have made tons of broken promises to myself to kick this habit. Now I am ready to admit that I need a little bit of social support. I've got such a good life and I really don't want to see it all ruined because of this incredibly stupid habit.

I am sick of the hangovers, the dishonesty, the lost time and the lost money. I am sick of worrying about what I am doing to my health. I want to put this stupid drinking ritual behind me once and for all.

My goal is to still enjoy a couple drinks here and there with my friends...but that's it. No more sneaking around, no more getting drunk.

I got drunk just last night out and promised myself that last night would be the last time that I sneak beer past my parents and get drunk. The new thing with me is that this time, I am seeking social support here on the forum. I have never done that before. I hope it works.

I still intend to drink, but I am going to moderate my drinking. If this doesn't work...if I continue to sneak booze past my parents and continue to get drunk, then I will have to take stronger measures. I am extremely fortunate that nothing really bad has happened as a result of my drinking and I want to keep it that way.

If I have to log on to a forum a few times a week to keep myself motivated to not get drunk, then it will be a price that is well worth it. As bad at it sounds, I really want sweep this whole thing under the carpet and make it go away. Maybe, just maybe, having you guys for social support will do the trick.

So here's my plan: I am going to report everything I drink to you guys. I am at least going to do that. I am totally committed to being 100% transparent about everything I drink. I think if I make that commitment, then I will be able to keep my drinking confined to a couple drinks here and there with friends.

Fingers crossed, let's hope this works! October 1st 2011 is my first day of moderation.

suki44883

Don't kid yourself. Binge drinkers can be alcoholics just as surely as people who drink daily. A lot of daily drinkers started out as binge drinkers. Alcoholism is progressive.

If you intend to try to moderate your drinking, you'll find out soon enough if you are an alcoholic because you won't be able to do it long term. Why not just quit completely?

Dee74

Welcome Colt

I don't think it really matter whether you're an alcoholic or not...it's probably better to focus on the facts for now....whatever you call it your drinking is causing you problems.

I don't know how people successfully moderate - I never managed it - but I wish you luck. I think it might take more than just logging on here a few times a week tho...

I'm guessing you've already tried to cut back and failed anyway? most people do, before they sign up here....

If you find that ultimately you can't moderate, maybe you need to ask yourself Colt - if it's causing you problems, why can't you just get up and walk away from alcohol completely?

D

Boleo

I would go as far as to say, 99% of those who drink alcoholically start off trying to moderate. I myself wasted about 5 years trying it with increasing difficulty and progressive failures.

It is the quintessential example of a "slippery slope". Once you are on it, there is no going back.

suki44883

I'm sure most of us made all kinds of deals with ourselves about drinking...I know I did. Only drinking on weekends, never more than two or three, only keeping two or three in the fridge so I couldn't drink more. (Of course, after a couple, I'd be ready to go buy more.) The thing is, once an alcoholic brain detects alcohol in the body, all bets are off. You are no longer in control, the alcohol is. I know it's humbling to even think that a bottle or can of liquid can control us, but believe me, if you are an alcoholic, it most certainly can and does.

If you're determined to try the moderation route, as most of us have, go ahead, but be honest with yourself. It may work a few times, but if you find yourself struggling to keep it under control, then chances are, you won't be able to successfully moderate. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to moderate their drinking because they naturally stop after one or two without a problem. If you have to make deals and set up rules with yourself regarding drinking, it's a pretty good bet that it's more than just a habit.

Terminally Unique

The more someone yearns to moderate, the less likely they are to succeed at it. People who drink moderately just do it; they don't require "support" in order to be able to do so.

aoibhe

Hi Colt ,
Welcome to the site. I too am new to all this and its only recently I have become to realise that with regards to my drinking, I was just like you. I began when I was 17 and I was binge drinking JUST at weekends. and special occasions.......That was 17 yrs ago!!
It slowly progressed to me doing just what you are doing now, sneaking drink, hiding drink, just at weekends I told myself , I can CONTROL it... Not a chance.
I now know it was the drink controlling ME. It catches up with you and before you know it, you are drinking hard spirits and feeling terribly guilty, crappy and genuinely sick.
I hope you do continue to look at this site and continue posting.
Take care and best of luck

Hevyn

Colt - I wish I didn't have to agree with the others, but I must. I'd do anything to keep you from going down the road I did. I remember getting high off my first beer. In the end, I could drink a 30 pack in a day and hardly feel a thing.

My point is - alcohol is a progressive disease. We all start out having a few drinks and it's fun and relaxing. An alcoholic can never predict what will happen once they take that first drink. It can become very dangerous and toxic. Unpredictable things will happen. When I was in my 20's, I still could keep a lid on it. Over the years, things deteriorated terribly - and I was never able to moderate. I tried hundreds of times.

Wish the news was better, colt. Please keep talking to us and let us know how your plan is working out. It's great you're dealing with this now by being open and honest about your habits. We are here for you.

colt

Moderation or Abstinence...either way.

Regardless, I need to find something to keep myself from doing my said drinking ritual. Something to prevent me from doing the mental gymnastics that makes sneaking alcohol and getting drunk by myself okay. Obviously promises to myself such as "this is the last night that I am getting drunk" or (when hungover) "I will never drink like that again"--they don't work...or at least not for long. That's precisely why I am getting on this forum.

I will be 100% honest with you guys about my drinking. We'll find out together if I can handle moderation.

One question: Friday/Saturday night rolls around and I feel like getting drunk by myself and I start doing some mental gymnastics to make it okay...what do I do in that situation? How do I handle it? How do you handle it?

colt

BTW thank you so much for the support guys. I posted on this forum half-expecting to get only 1 response a week. You guys are giving me about 10x more support than I thought I'd ever get.

Dee74

If you're like me the mental stuff will definitely continue as long as you're drinking.

posting here helped me when my head was going mental...the support was really amazing

I also found this technique was useful for me, Colt.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

You can do this - every Friday got a little easier for me
D

Terminally Unique

One of the absolute worst things you can do when you are unemployed is to drink or take drugs, and that goes for anyone, alcoholic or not. There is simply too much free time, and it will affect your ability to properly look for and obtain work. I strongly encourage you to abstain completely during this time between jobs.

seek

I am not an alcoholic but I think you need some drastic measures to change your habits . . . the intrigue alone of sneaking booze past your parents and your secret ritual sounds like something that you would get great support for in AA . . .so if you don't know what to do and don't know where to go on Friday or Saturday nights, just for an experiment perhaps an AA meeting would be a place to go . . .if not, then maybe a bookstore or a movie or a walk . . . you are going to have to do something radically different to break your entrenched habits . . .

Good luck and it is great you have no negative health effects YET . . .it is also great that you really do want to change and see the habit as negative and "pathetic."

I hope you find success in your new habits. You alone are the director of your movie! Good luck!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

In my opinion, the only way to stop the mental gymnastics when the weekend comes around, is to stop drinking period. As long as you attempt to moderate your drinking, you will have the mind games going on. They mental aspect of alcoholism is relentless and you can only stop it, by stopping drinking.

eJoshua

Hi Colt, welcome to SR! Best wishes in your attempts to moderate. I was never interested in moderation myself, so I just quit completely. Oddly enough, I never liked the feeling "just a few" gave me, I only liked to be completely wasted all the time.

sugarbear1

If you can afford beer, you can afford rent. Give your parents money and act like an adult. Harsh, but seriously? Binging, bad economy, stop playing lost teen in parents' home.

spqr

I think this is exactly right. You need to find something else to do. I started to go to the gym in the evenings, and started taking on freelance work that forced a certain degree of responsibility on me to stay sober.

There was no way in the short term that I could sit and relax, watch a movie and play on the internet. I needed to break that routine.

colt

You know, there is something very refreshing about what you just said. You are totally right. I just need to grow the f*** up and stop acting like an idiot. And stop feeling sorry for myself. A little bit of self-respect, a hobby, a date, a job...real life.

I am not going to label myself as an alcoholic, but rather I am going to take a little bit of responsibility, maturity and heartiness and get on with my life.

I am still going to keep in touch with you guys because it certainly couldn't hurt and if I feel like I am going to act stupid again, then I will get a bit of help from you guys.

Thanks for your advice.

colt

Honestly, a lot of it has to do with boredom and a sense of entitlement. Sunday through Thursday (even if I don't have work the next morning), drinking never occurs to me. But come Friday/Saturday, I feel like I am entitled to get drunk. Crazy huh?

Any other day of the week and I am happy to read a book or watch a movie with no booze. Society has me conditioned indeed. But really, what it comes down to is that I need to just grow the hell up.

artsoul

Hi Colt and welcome to the forum!

I think you're being very "grown up" by realizing the downside of alcohol in your life and reaching out for support. Many of us waited a lot longer - often waiting until our backs were up against a wall.

We don't want to see you take the same road, hence our cautionary tales..... I think your commitment to posting about things here is a great idea.

I wish you all the best in pursuing the life you really want!