codie relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
don't know yet. He stopped by (to bring me some neosporin I needed). Not much said..just a "gonna try and get by this weekend"... yeah, will believe it when I see it.
Grabbing all my "attitude" music. Rod Stewart "reason to believe".. carrie underwood, "wasted"... "I will survive"...
I caught him just getting home from his job, so still sober...
but it IS Friday, and I know the drill.
*sigh* I might just be as stupid as he thinks I am.
Grabbing all my "attitude" music. Rod Stewart "reason to believe".. carrie underwood, "wasted"... "I will survive"...
I caught him just getting home from his job, so still sober...
but it IS Friday, and I know the drill.
*sigh* I might just be as stupid as he thinks I am.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Why are you doing this to yourself? What is your payoff? Someone else could have gotten you Neosporin.
Keep reading here, the answers are all here in one post or another. The ball is in your court.
Keep reading here, the answers are all here in one post or another. The ball is in your court.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Searchbug....
Well let's see, how many times did I do the same thing?? Count the fingers of every member here and that would be about right.
I know why you do it, and you'll do it until you are DONE. Until the adrenaline that runs through you like an uncertain thrill right before you pick up the phone turns into an absolutely unbearable pain that you want nothing more than to stay away from.
You'll stop when you realize that contact with him doesn't bring you the comfort you wish that it did.
You'll stop when you decide to care about yourself more than someone else.
You'll stop when it really hits you that the fantasy of him in your mind is not even close to the reality of him.
You'll stop when you realize that when he is with another girl you won't look at the girl with envy, but you will be so GRATEFUL that you are not the one that will be in tears because her boyfriend doesn't seem to care about her.
Don't be too hard on yourself, I think most of us kept going back for more until we were ready to accept the truth. What matters is what you do from this moment forward....
I always sat here and said, "I wish I had NEVER answered the phone, or made that call, or called him back...I wish I had walked away so much sooner".... well, that is the reality of the past, and I can't change it. But I look at my past as my present right now, and I ended contact a couple of months ago, and now THIS is my time to NOT pick up the phone, or answer it, and to actually walk away. This is the moment i'm doing it, and a year from now I can say, I am SO glad I walked away then....
When you're ready, you will walk away.
Well let's see, how many times did I do the same thing?? Count the fingers of every member here and that would be about right.
I know why you do it, and you'll do it until you are DONE. Until the adrenaline that runs through you like an uncertain thrill right before you pick up the phone turns into an absolutely unbearable pain that you want nothing more than to stay away from.
You'll stop when you realize that contact with him doesn't bring you the comfort you wish that it did.
You'll stop when you decide to care about yourself more than someone else.
You'll stop when it really hits you that the fantasy of him in your mind is not even close to the reality of him.
You'll stop when you realize that when he is with another girl you won't look at the girl with envy, but you will be so GRATEFUL that you are not the one that will be in tears because her boyfriend doesn't seem to care about her.
Don't be too hard on yourself, I think most of us kept going back for more until we were ready to accept the truth. What matters is what you do from this moment forward....
I always sat here and said, "I wish I had NEVER answered the phone, or made that call, or called him back...I wish I had walked away so much sooner".... well, that is the reality of the past, and I can't change it. But I look at my past as my present right now, and I ended contact a couple of months ago, and now THIS is my time to NOT pick up the phone, or answer it, and to actually walk away. This is the moment i'm doing it, and a year from now I can say, I am SO glad I walked away then....
When you're ready, you will walk away.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Yes It is a "Process" & Every One Has To Work their way through it.... Don't be so hard on yourself, the main thing is not to get side-tracked by it... Just keep remembering all the bad times and I promise you, you want be so eager to answer his phone call.. Hang in there, its not easy, but with time the easiness does come. Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
Better than a circus, and not one of my planning...
earlier this evening, one of his drinking buddies stopped here. The irony? the buddy wanted to tell me that he was wrong about me, that I am GOOD for the abf, and HE wants to see us back together. Mind you, buddy is well f'd up himself. But admits to seeing how abf had mistreated me when drunk. So, he proceeds to visit abf, intending to come to my defense, made the mistake of calling the next girl a bad name...thus making abf come to her defense! (I've probably lost 1/2 of you here).
Opposite of his intent.. the buddy has now helped in driving abf into the arms of the other woman.
Thus, when abf (or whatever he is now) finally comes to talk to me.. he isn't angry at me. He is angry at his buddy, for all the chaos around HIS addiction problems.. with which I agree, but also, maybe very relieved to hear that I'm not angry about his moving on, since it has been clear that he ISN'T "in love" with me, for a while.
The hilarious response?? He supposedly is trying to cope with the issue of loving BOTH of us!! Yeah..right.
I don't think he can yet grasp that I'm not jealous (yes, I do feel sorry for her, she deserves better). And me stepping out of the situation is not going to be a conflict... but he is gonna admire and be grateful for my generosity!!
No, folks.. I am not devastated. I think I'm far less of a codie than I thought.
I'm not fixing..or trying to fix..anything. I'm in better shape than I gave myself credit for.
Last chuckle... he tells me that he has not been drinking for two weeks, apparently "for her" although that was not said.
earlier this evening, one of his drinking buddies stopped here. The irony? the buddy wanted to tell me that he was wrong about me, that I am GOOD for the abf, and HE wants to see us back together. Mind you, buddy is well f'd up himself. But admits to seeing how abf had mistreated me when drunk. So, he proceeds to visit abf, intending to come to my defense, made the mistake of calling the next girl a bad name...thus making abf come to her defense! (I've probably lost 1/2 of you here).
Opposite of his intent.. the buddy has now helped in driving abf into the arms of the other woman.
Thus, when abf (or whatever he is now) finally comes to talk to me.. he isn't angry at me. He is angry at his buddy, for all the chaos around HIS addiction problems.. with which I agree, but also, maybe very relieved to hear that I'm not angry about his moving on, since it has been clear that he ISN'T "in love" with me, for a while.
The hilarious response?? He supposedly is trying to cope with the issue of loving BOTH of us!! Yeah..right.
I don't think he can yet grasp that I'm not jealous (yes, I do feel sorry for her, she deserves better). And me stepping out of the situation is not going to be a conflict... but he is gonna admire and be grateful for my generosity!!
No, folks.. I am not devastated. I think I'm far less of a codie than I thought.
I'm not fixing..or trying to fix..anything. I'm in better shape than I gave myself credit for.
Last chuckle... he tells me that he has not been drinking for two weeks, apparently "for her" although that was not said.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,866
Okay, he's moved on to a new girlfriend, so you guys are officially over. Time to cut the cord, stop the visits and communication (including his friends), end the drama, and move on with your life.
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